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Here's my rough draft! I see a lot of "overcoming" stories on here (especially from fellow URMs). I tried to stay away from that convention, but I'm a bit unsure of how it's turned out. Let me know!

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EDIT: Taken off due to inactivity. Thanks for everyone's help. If you're still interested in critiquing it, PM me!

This is an excellent example of a strong personal statement.

CanadianWolf wrote:This is an excellent example of a strong personal statement.

Thanks!

I also think it is good. A minor note, it looks like you went a bit hyphen happy throughout your statement. I would go through and recheck if each instance of a hyphen is grammatically correct.