Addendum Critique Forum

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[cinefile 17]

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[cartercl]

I don't think this is going to be very effective. Actually, I think it's going to work against you. Your story just seems too typical and every problem you mentioned appears to be something that was within your control. Especially leave out the part about the extracurricular activities. If you didn't have time between work and study to ensure your GPA was where you wanted it to be, you definitely should not have taken on any extra activities. I think as this stands, you're going to be held completely liable for your GPA.

Also: What exactly are you attributing to your original poor performance?

[CanadianWolf]

Too wordy. Try to condense your plea into a more succinct statement comprised of crisp, clear sentences. As it is, your addendum is a bit self-defeating because you are unable to express your thoughts in a concise fashion.

[blackwater88]

Come on... Don't bump after 14 minutes
Like the above posters said, an addendum for a 3.4 GPA doesn't sound like a good idea.

[CanadianWolf]

CONSIDER:
Please note my strong upward trend in grades during my undergraduate years. As a first generation college student working full time while also enrolled full time, I had to learn to manage my time in an effective manner.

[blackwater88]

CONSIDER:
Please note my strong upward trend in grades during my undergraduate years. As a first generation college student working full time while also enrolled full time, I had to learn to manage my time in an effective manner.

It seems kinda whiny to write an addendum for such uncompelling reasons.

[CanadianWolf]

That's a matter of opinion. Any first generation college student working full time while enrolled full time should get positive attention. I do agree, however, that the OP's version seems somewhat weak because of its length & breadth.

[cartercl]

Yeah. As it's written, it's not very effective. But I do think if it was written better it could have somewhat of a positive effect.

[blackwater88]

That's a matter of opinion. Any first generation college student working full time while enrolled full time should get positive attention. I do agree, however, that the OP's version seems somewhat weak because of its length & breadth.

I'm a first generation student, didn't arrive here until I was in middle school, worked full time throughout my undergrad career and managed to get a 3.6 (not very high but I'm happy with it). If the OP and I apply to the same schools, I feel she might sound whiny if there are other applicants with stories similar to mine.