Top Law Schools

Answered

abitaman6363 wrote:Quick grammar question. Thanks for anyone who can chime in.

The endeavors have paid off: this summer two American volunteers returned to SGA, and together we installed a much-needed generator and constructed the district’s first library. For hundreds of young women in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer.

Is the colon acceptable in this case? I think it is since it's introducing a topic. However, I don't normally see colons followed by two independent clauses.

Thanks for any help.

I think a dash would be more appropriate. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.

You can (and IMO should!) just use a period.

. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.

+1


Passive voice is sad

vs

Passive voice saddens me


always opt for action-y language

I agree about making it active but especially about using a dash. A colon is appropriate, but the dash is becoming the more stylish form of punctuation.

From what I understand, you could use a semi-colon here. I could be wrong though... I think you can use one when you're joining two sentences that could stand alone, and these two could which was my first thought. Might make it punchier and more effective with a little rearranging.
I personally love using a dash but I'm not sure if it's as appropriate in academic/formal writing?

abitaman6363 wrote:Quick grammar question. Thanks for anyone who can chime in.

The endeavors have paid off: this summer two American volunteers returned to SGA, and together we installed a much-needed generator and constructed the district’s first library. For hundreds of young women in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer.

Is the colon acceptable in this case? I think it is since it's introducing a topic. However, I don't normally see colons followed by two independent clauses.

Thanks for any help.

I hate colons, and I don't believe it's called for here. It is a sentence on its own merit. Also why don't you say "the mountaintop is inching closer for..."? Wouldn't that be the proper syntax?

I hope this gives you a healthy colon:

http://owl.english.purdue.edu/owl/resource/566/01/

Personally, I would make it its own sentence. Short, declarative sentences are awesome and powerful. Beef it up and knock'm out, rather than flower it up. (IMO)


Your comma in the second paragraph is questionable. Are you really thinking that first part is an introductory clause? Would this be what you are actually saying:

"For hundreds of young women the mountaintop is inching closer."

"For hundreds of young women, in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer."

"For hundreds of young women in this region the mountaintop is inching closer."

abitaman6363 wrote:Quick grammar question. Thanks for anyone who can chime in.

The endeavors have paid off: this summer two American volunteers returned to SGA, and together we installed a much-needed generator and constructed the district’s first library. For hundreds of young women in at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer.

Is the colon acceptable in this case? I think it is since it's introducing a topic. However, I don't normally see colons followed by two independent clauses.

Thanks for any help.

You are using the colon correctly. However, the phrase "The endeavors have paid off" is awkward. I don't like it with the active revision, either. Maybe consider something like "Our efforts have paid off: this summer..."

Also: you need a comma after "summer," and I might consider revising the last sentence to say "In at least one region, the mountaintop is inching closer for hundreds of young women."

The Owl at Purdue says you are NOT using the colon correctly. IMO


edit: After further review, it is a grey area. I would avoid it and go with a short declarative statement.

afa_brandon wrote:

. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.

+1


Passive voice is sad

vs

Passive voice saddens me


always opt for action-y language

Not one, but two, TLSers don't know what passive voice is? This surprises me. The two versions of payoff quoted above are the present-perfect and simple past tenses. Neither are passive.

Thank you, MrKappus. I was starting to wonder if I knew what the passive voice was, when two people agreed on the wrong definition.

HAHHA.. I saw that too.
I was wanting to begin to tell you all that I started to think that may be passive too.

also, the statement that active is always better than passive overgeneralizes.

MrKappus wrote:

afa_brandon wrote:

. Also, say "The endeavors paid off" instead. "The endeavors have paid off" is passive.

+1


Passive voice is sad

vs

Passive voice saddens me


always opt for action-y language

Not one, but two, TLSers don't know what passive voice is? This surprises me. The two versions of payoff quoted above are the present-perfect and simple past tenses. Neither are passive.

Thank you! I didn't think they were passive, either, but I didn't want to take the time to research it to make sure.

The passive voice occurs when the subject is not doing the action, but is instead having the action done to them. For example, in the statement "The endeavors have paid off," "The endeavors" is the subject and is doing the action of paying off. To change this to the passive voice, one would have to add an object and make that object do the action. For example, "We have been paid off by the endeavors."

+1 to MrKappus, for what it's worth.