First Draft, musician theme Forum

[hncsarge34]

Basic info up front:
GPA: 3.77
LSAT: 167

This is a first draft. I wrote about this summer activity because it was important to me and I think it's somewhat unique. That being said, I would not be opposed to completely scrapping the topic if it's too lame. Thank you so much!

It is six o’clock in the morning when the tour buses pull into the high school’s parking lot. I have no idea what state we are in or what day of the week it is. We were supposed to arrive two hours ago but one of the vehicles in the convoy got a flat tire. Still half asleep, members shuffle to get their luggage and set up on the gymnasium floor for the rare luxury of sleep in a horizontal position. Rehearsal starts in less than two hours. Today is going to be relatively quick, just eight hours of practice and then we will pack everything and leave for the show. Like everyone else, I am sore, sun burned, and sleep deprived, but I never show any signs of fatigue. It is my job to be the quintessential performer. I am the Horn Sergeant of the Holy Name Cadets Drum and Bugle Corps, and this daily grind is just part of what it takes to be the best in the world.
* * *
Most people have never heard of a drum and bugle corps. Simply put, it is a marching music ensemble comprised of valve brass instruments, percussion, and color guard. Dubbed “Marching Music’s Major League,” Drum Corps International is compromised of dozens of these groups that spend every summer touring the country and competing against each other, vying for the title of DCI World Champion at the end of the season. For the fans and corps members, this activity is more than a hobby; it is a way of life. It combines the musical sophistication of a top symphony, the precision and grace of a ballet, and the tenacity of a military boot camp. I had the privilege of spending six years marching in DCI before I “aged-out” when I turned 21. Nothing has been more instrumental in shaping who I am today, and I will carry the lessons of this experience with me for the rest of my life.

The cycle of a drum corps show begins in the winter when monthly weekend camps are held to audition new members and teach the music. Hundreds of prospective performers, some traveling from foreign countries, audition for the 150 positions. Many candidates are music majors from prestigious schools and conservatories. In mid-May, the corps moves in to a month long period called Spring Training. During these weeks of daily 12-hour rehearsals, the music that was learned during the winter is coordinated with hundreds of drill maneuvers on a football field. The finished product is a 12-minute show so intricate and intense that to call it “marching band” is taboo.

The drum corps then embarks on the summer tour. They travel tens of thousands of miles, performing the show dozens of times across the country. All of the travel is done by bus. Food is served out of a kitchen truck. Free time is non-existent. The corps rehearses every day, rain or shine. It is mentally, physically, and emotionally draining. Despite all of the hardships, nothing compares to the reward of putting on the uniform and performing the show for thousands of spectators under the stadium lights.

In 2009, my final season of eligibility, I was named the Horn Sergeant of the 9 time world champion Holy Name Cadets. This made me the leader of the 72-person brass section for the corps’ 75th anniversary. I was a battle proven veteran with 5 years of experience, but it was a unique challenge to step up as a leader in the organization. One of the staff members told me at the beginning of the season “Basically, your job is to be perfect.” I had the honor of leading my section from our first major public appearance at Barack Obama’s Inaugural Parade to our final show of the season at Lucas Oil Stadium.

Above all else, drum corps has taught me what it takes to be part of a world-class organization. It is the combination of desire, passion, time commitment, and perseverance that separates the best from everyone else. Although music has never been part of my career path, it has always been part of my education. These are the values that carried me through my undergraduate career, and I eagerly anticipate applying them to the challenge of law school.

[CanadianWolf]

This is a well written essay that concludes in an appropriate manner. Because of the lengthy focus on a memorable topic, your personal statement should help your application stand out from the others. The strong ending makes your topic work for law school.

[paratactical]

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[CanadianWolf]

Due to the thorough detail contained in your essay, my final impression is that you will do whatever it takes to succeed in law school & in the legal world; and that is a very positive impression to make on admissions officers. In my opinion, your personal statement works & should help your law school applications.

[nfggcaar]

Nothing has been more instrumental in shaping who I am today, and I will carry the lessons of this experience with me for the rest of my life.

This made me laugh. I don't know if you were trying to make a humurous connection, but if not, I would find another word.

[hncsarge34]

Nothing has been more instrumental in shaping who I am today, and I will carry the lessons of this experience with me for the rest of my life.

This made me laugh. I don't know if you were trying to make a humurous connection, but if not, I would find another word.

That was intentional, too cheesy?

[nfggcaar]

Nothing has been more instrumental in shaping who I am today, and I will carry the lessons of this experience with me for the rest of my life.

This made me laugh. I don't know if you were trying to make a humurous connection, but if not, I would find another word.

That was intentional, too cheesy?

Yeah, I'm going to have to say so. It's too strong of statement to include word play.

[hncsarge34]

Nothing has been more instrumental in shaping who I am today, and I will carry the lessons of this experience with me for the rest of my life.

This made me laugh. I don't know if you were trying to make a humurous connection, but if not, I would find another word.

That was intentional, too cheesy?

Yeah, I'm going to have to say so. It's too strong of statement to include word play.

Easy enough to fix, thank you