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This statement tells me almost nothing about you, besides the fact that you are an engineer and you think you'd make a good patent lawyer. Half of it is about car windows, and the other half about the project you worked on, with very little mention of your role in that project.

I understand the idea of emphasizing the engineering backgroud to make yourself seem less ordinary, but you're still applying to law school, not an engineering grad program. This topic could work, but the focus needs to be shifted from the project/car windows/soda bottles to you and why you would be a good lawyer.

Just my .02, other people may have a different take on it.

I agree with the above comment. Also, are you sure that a patent attorney would be involved at such an early stage of product research & development ? It is not appropriate nor beneficial to use others' names as you have done in your personal statement.

The USPTO is actually located in Virginia, georgetown adcoms know that + just a pet peeve of mine

thanks for the constructive criticism everyone. as i mentioned, this is just a first draft, and i understand what you guys are saying about making it more about me. thanks again.