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PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 5:14 am
by nykfan7073
Please PM me if your interested in taking a look..
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:20 am
by Balthy
This sounds very boring. I'm sure it was a profound experience for you, but you have to show that with your writing, not just expect me to see it in lifeless sentences. All I'm saying is, get a little more creative. Remember that yours may be the 400th statement read. Make it more creative. Use some imagery, choose interesting words, pull me in, do something.
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 4:10 pm
by DavidYurman85
It's a bit formulaic. You didn't really convince us that your "childhood was anything but normal." The statements that follow only describe your experience with the two different religions, but I was hoping to read more about growing up in Iran and details about the events that led your family to escape.
If you make it a bit more colorful, it would read a bit better.
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:15 pm
by nykfan7073
Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.
Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:23 pm
by MiamiUG
nykfan7073 wrote:Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.
Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?
it needs a car chase scene
Re: PS Rough Draft Finally Done--Any Feedback Appreciated.
Posted: Fri Aug 13, 2010 6:29 pm
by nykfan7073
MiamiUG wrote:nykfan7073 wrote:Thanks for the help guys..Ill look into making it a bit more exciting.
Does anybody have anymore tips or opinions?
it needs a car chase scene
OK. Ill see where I can fit that in. Thanks!