VERY Rough PS First Draft
Posted: Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:04 am
So I decided to do a very rough draft of my PS-- I just worked on it today, and it is a little long. Any feedback would be appreciated, right now I am focusing more on the overall theme/structure/essential points, but any general grammatical feedback is more than welcome. Thanks for the help in advance!
“Right by file into line, MARCH!” The order echoed loudly across the rolling hills of western Maryland, piercing through the darkness of an early September morning. Thousands of men lay before my eyes, coalescing themselves into units, shouldering rifles, and preparing themselves for an extremely singular and monumental event. Briefly, if only for a second, I was transported to a time 140 years in the past and became a participant in one of the most significant events in American history, the battle of Antietam. While that feeling lasted for only a fleeting moment, it is something I will never forget and always cherish. I was fourteen at the time, and was one of approximately 10,000 reenactors gathered to try and recreate the battle of Antietam, the single bloodiest day in American history, on its 140th anniversary. While the event was not the first or the last reenactment I ever participated in, it is one that I will certainly never forget.
Since I was in fourth grade, I have had one unwavering, complete, and pure passion: The American Civil War. From reading books to driving 500 miles in order to dress up in a wool uniform and wake up at 4:30 am to march around, I have dedicated countless hours not only to a pursuit of knowledge about the war, but more significantly to a pursuit of understanding.
At first, in its infancy, my passion was nothing more than a way to spend idle time. When I was younger, my family would move from state to state, all over the country, as my dad was in the Air Force and was constantly relocated to different bases. I never even went to the same school two years in a row until I reached the seventh and eighth grade. Due to this, I generally had a lot of spare time on my hands as it was hard to make many friends and establish roots in any one location. With all of this time, I generally turned to reading, and one topic always came to the forefront: the Civil War. Now, in retrospect, I could probably offer some form of analysis about why I gravitated to that one event particularly over other topics, how my family situation and personality most likely contributed, but at the time all I thought about was how fascinated I was with the people, events, and stories that I kept reading about.
As I grew older, my fascination turned to passion as I discovered other unique ways to explore the Civil War. I currently have an ever expanding collection of artifacts from the time period in addition to a bookcase dedicated solely to the war. As previously mentioned, I reenacted for many years, traveling to states as far away as Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, and Tennessee to educate others about my passion. I have visited battlefields, museums large and small, and even cemeteries in order to immerse myself in the topic. I have donated to various Civil War charities, and even donated my time to the Ohio Historical Society as a volunteer in order to educate others about Ohio’s role in the war. Now, as I begin my senior year of college, more than ten years since I first became hooked on the topic, and after countless changes to both me personally and to my life generally, I intend to write my honors thesis on a topic pertaining to the Civil War.
Obviously the Civil War has had a profound effect on me. It has greatly developed my intellectual curiosity as a scholar, has caused me to contemplate a variety of contemporary issues using a unique historical lens, and has illustrated to me the beauty of immersing one’s self in a topic. I consider myself an extremely knowledgeable student of the subject, and have been able to use that knowledge in an endless array of areas, from geography to medicine to even mathematics. Still, I am sure that you as the reader are asking yourself the one question everyone who knows me asks, a question I have heard from countless friends, family members, teachers, and most importantly myself : Why the Civil War, why this one particular area of study above all others?
After much thought I have determined that the answer to this question, which may seem convoluted or even somewhat ironic, is that I study the Civil War so greatly because I can never truly understand it. As a prospective lawyer, my personality is one of logic, of reason, and also one of compromise. The Civil War, ultimately, was a colossal failing of these three pillars that I hope my future career will rest on. There is no logic, no real reason, and no need for the mass killing of hundreds of thousands of people. A nation that was built on its ability to compromise failed horribly, allowing itself to break into sections and murder its own sons and daughters. The Civil War, as an event, at its core, simply doesn’t make sense to me.
I view my study of the war not simply as a passion, but more as a journey for myself. I will never be done, never know everything that I want to know, actually understand the war in a meaningful way. In the end I will always question what went wrong, what could have been done differently, and what I can learn from what did occur.
I view my study of law in much the same way, as a journey, as something that will never officially end, even when I graduate from school or retire from work. The prospect is thrilling to me, as I have been equally enamored with my brief studies of law as I have been with the Civil War. I know that I will put an equal effort into the great task of not simply learning, but truly trying to understand law much as I have with the Civil War. Thankfully my numerous experiences with the Civil War have helped me become the scholar that I am today, and have laid the foundation for my continued success in any endeavor that I attempt.
“Right by file into line, MARCH!” The order echoed loudly across the rolling hills of western Maryland, piercing through the darkness of an early September morning. Thousands of men lay before my eyes, coalescing themselves into units, shouldering rifles, and preparing themselves for an extremely singular and monumental event. Briefly, if only for a second, I was transported to a time 140 years in the past and became a participant in one of the most significant events in American history, the battle of Antietam. While that feeling lasted for only a fleeting moment, it is something I will never forget and always cherish. I was fourteen at the time, and was one of approximately 10,000 reenactors gathered to try and recreate the battle of Antietam, the single bloodiest day in American history, on its 140th anniversary. While the event was not the first or the last reenactment I ever participated in, it is one that I will certainly never forget.
Since I was in fourth grade, I have had one unwavering, complete, and pure passion: The American Civil War. From reading books to driving 500 miles in order to dress up in a wool uniform and wake up at 4:30 am to march around, I have dedicated countless hours not only to a pursuit of knowledge about the war, but more significantly to a pursuit of understanding.
At first, in its infancy, my passion was nothing more than a way to spend idle time. When I was younger, my family would move from state to state, all over the country, as my dad was in the Air Force and was constantly relocated to different bases. I never even went to the same school two years in a row until I reached the seventh and eighth grade. Due to this, I generally had a lot of spare time on my hands as it was hard to make many friends and establish roots in any one location. With all of this time, I generally turned to reading, and one topic always came to the forefront: the Civil War. Now, in retrospect, I could probably offer some form of analysis about why I gravitated to that one event particularly over other topics, how my family situation and personality most likely contributed, but at the time all I thought about was how fascinated I was with the people, events, and stories that I kept reading about.
As I grew older, my fascination turned to passion as I discovered other unique ways to explore the Civil War. I currently have an ever expanding collection of artifacts from the time period in addition to a bookcase dedicated solely to the war. As previously mentioned, I reenacted for many years, traveling to states as far away as Maryland, Virginia, North Carolina, and Tennessee to educate others about my passion. I have visited battlefields, museums large and small, and even cemeteries in order to immerse myself in the topic. I have donated to various Civil War charities, and even donated my time to the Ohio Historical Society as a volunteer in order to educate others about Ohio’s role in the war. Now, as I begin my senior year of college, more than ten years since I first became hooked on the topic, and after countless changes to both me personally and to my life generally, I intend to write my honors thesis on a topic pertaining to the Civil War.
Obviously the Civil War has had a profound effect on me. It has greatly developed my intellectual curiosity as a scholar, has caused me to contemplate a variety of contemporary issues using a unique historical lens, and has illustrated to me the beauty of immersing one’s self in a topic. I consider myself an extremely knowledgeable student of the subject, and have been able to use that knowledge in an endless array of areas, from geography to medicine to even mathematics. Still, I am sure that you as the reader are asking yourself the one question everyone who knows me asks, a question I have heard from countless friends, family members, teachers, and most importantly myself : Why the Civil War, why this one particular area of study above all others?
After much thought I have determined that the answer to this question, which may seem convoluted or even somewhat ironic, is that I study the Civil War so greatly because I can never truly understand it. As a prospective lawyer, my personality is one of logic, of reason, and also one of compromise. The Civil War, ultimately, was a colossal failing of these three pillars that I hope my future career will rest on. There is no logic, no real reason, and no need for the mass killing of hundreds of thousands of people. A nation that was built on its ability to compromise failed horribly, allowing itself to break into sections and murder its own sons and daughters. The Civil War, as an event, at its core, simply doesn’t make sense to me.
I view my study of the war not simply as a passion, but more as a journey for myself. I will never be done, never know everything that I want to know, actually understand the war in a meaningful way. In the end I will always question what went wrong, what could have been done differently, and what I can learn from what did occur.
I view my study of law in much the same way, as a journey, as something that will never officially end, even when I graduate from school or retire from work. The prospect is thrilling to me, as I have been equally enamored with my brief studies of law as I have been with the Civil War. I know that I will put an equal effort into the great task of not simply learning, but truly trying to understand law much as I have with the Civil War. Thankfully my numerous experiences with the Civil War have helped me become the scholar that I am today, and have laid the foundation for my continued success in any endeavor that I attempt.