Please critique an early "Why Michigan?" draft
Posted: Sun Jul 25, 2010 10:31 pm
This is pretty rough, and the first one I have done. I feel I didn't include enough of what I will contribute. I could use some suggestions as to where to put that info. The rock band, death penalty, public interest, SAO etc are all referenced in my PS. I am trying to give a continuous picture. Also, how is the opening? Too informal?
Since I was old enough to understand the concept of college, my cousin Larry has been extolling the virtues of the University of Michigan. One would think his rambling’s would have been lost on me, a mere child of seven, but I am starting to wonder whether his attempted brainwashing succeeded, as Michigan is now my top choice for law school.
Though I am very fond of my eccentric cousin, he is certainly not my only reason for wanting to attend the University of Michigan. I intend on pursing a career in public interest that will allow me to utilize my background in psychology. I am especially interested in the continuing development of death penalty policy. I believe the opportunity to conduct research under Phoebe Ellsworth, a preeminent scholar in both psychology, law, and the death penalty in particular, would be an invaluable asset in achieving my academic and career goals. I am also interested in participating in the Criminal Appellate Practice Clinic in order to utilize and build upon the experience I gained while interning at the State Attorney’s Office.
In addition to the first class academic opportunities, Michigan’s excellent financial services offer a welcome relief from a characteristic difficulty of pursing a career in public interest. The financial leeway offered by the 2L Public Service Guarantee is crucial to my ability to accept low paying internship typical of the public interest field. Furthermore, the Debt Management/Loan Forgiveness Program alleviates the financial pressure of student loans that often discourages students like me from pursuing careers in public interest.
Michigan’s excellent academic and financial programs offer compelling reasons to attend. When the law school’s breathtaking architecture and Ann Arbor’s collegial atmosphere are taken into consideration, Michigan stands apart as my top choice for law schools. Larry didn’t even have to mention that Michigan law has it’s own student rock band “TJ Hooper and The Learned Hands.” I made sure to tell him to mention that to his next batch of future Michigan converts.
Since I was old enough to understand the concept of college, my cousin Larry has been extolling the virtues of the University of Michigan. One would think his rambling’s would have been lost on me, a mere child of seven, but I am starting to wonder whether his attempted brainwashing succeeded, as Michigan is now my top choice for law school.
Though I am very fond of my eccentric cousin, he is certainly not my only reason for wanting to attend the University of Michigan. I intend on pursing a career in public interest that will allow me to utilize my background in psychology. I am especially interested in the continuing development of death penalty policy. I believe the opportunity to conduct research under Phoebe Ellsworth, a preeminent scholar in both psychology, law, and the death penalty in particular, would be an invaluable asset in achieving my academic and career goals. I am also interested in participating in the Criminal Appellate Practice Clinic in order to utilize and build upon the experience I gained while interning at the State Attorney’s Office.
In addition to the first class academic opportunities, Michigan’s excellent financial services offer a welcome relief from a characteristic difficulty of pursing a career in public interest. The financial leeway offered by the 2L Public Service Guarantee is crucial to my ability to accept low paying internship typical of the public interest field. Furthermore, the Debt Management/Loan Forgiveness Program alleviates the financial pressure of student loans that often discourages students like me from pursuing careers in public interest.
Michigan’s excellent academic and financial programs offer compelling reasons to attend. When the law school’s breathtaking architecture and Ann Arbor’s collegial atmosphere are taken into consideration, Michigan stands apart as my top choice for law schools. Larry didn’t even have to mention that Michigan law has it’s own student rock band “TJ Hooper and The Learned Hands.” I made sure to tell him to mention that to his next batch of future Michigan converts.