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Not good. The introduction is overly & unnecessarily negative. The writing offers little in the way of mature insight, clarity of thought or maturity.
I do not want to be impolite, but I would not use this essay as a law school application personal statement because it may diminish your chances of admission to law school due to the reasons stated above. To be blunt, you are unfairly portraying yourself as lacking in mature analytical thought.

This is like 3 versions ago, heh.

BTW, the first paragraph isn't intended to be negative, that's just how my sense of humor sounds (yeah I'm not planning to write that way anymore).