Need PS critique... am I on the right track? Forum

[HazelEyes]

Deleted...

[thecilent]

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[HazelEyes]

I'd say put a comma after "birthday" .. As for the rest, tldr

Hmm, Ok, added that. Not quite the comprehensive "yes you're on the right track"/"no, what the hell are you thinking." But all help is appreciated!

Too long as in-too boring to read through?

[thecilent]

Take what I say with a grain of salt, because I am an 0L who hasn't even written his own PS yet. But, I can still tell you what I think:

I think it's a good piece of writing, and you are on the "right track" -- whatever that really means -- but my only criticism is you do not really tell anything about why you want to go to law school (besides the one line after we met your uncle), or why you think you will succeed in law school.

I think you need to make sure you tie this in somewhere -- perhaps the ending.

Perhaps use a water-downed version of this for a diversity statement if you have something else to write your PS about. I think that would make your apps that much stronger..

[HazelEyes]

Thanks.

I actually have a newer ending, which basically ties it together. My 4 years as a health advocate (while in undergrad full time) make me realize how I wanted to go into health law, etc... and i'm really gearing my PS to two schools with high ranked health law programs.

I realized my mistake with the diversity issue too late in, and since the last deadline for this year is tomorrow, i'm going to send it off and wish upon a shooting star!

My concern here is that I don't come off as self pitying. I had a sucky time of it, but not nearly as bad as people who were horribly abused or grew up in homeless shelters, etc.