first few paragraphs of PS. headed in the right direction?
Posted: Mon Mar 15, 2010 7:54 pm
hey, so i just started this like an hour ago and i'm just wondering if i'm headed in the right direction. all criticism/advice is welcome! thanks.
p.s. did i put too much emphasis on me drinking alcohol? would it be sufficient for me to say that i got caught drinking during senior week (beach week...) in high school?
The first time I consumed alcohol was the summer after eighth grade. Growing up with an alcoholic mother and a workaholic father had an impact on my decisions as a teenager. Of course every teenager strives to be as rebellious as they possibly can, but not all teenagers get into trouble for his or her actions. By the time I had turned 18, the social drinking had turned into a habit – which in turn became an addiction. Eventually I finally got into trouble with the law at the end of my senior year in high school. When I was given the option of either paying a hefty fine or participating in a community service program, there was no choice: not because I favored one over the other, but because mom and dad wouldn’t bail me out this time. I signed up for the community service and cleared my calendar of every fun event I had planned for the next month.
The organization to which I was assigned was a local food center that distributed food to people in need. The days were long, the work was tedious and boring. I went into the experience with the most negative of attitudes. The way I saw it, I was here to work my hours, send my little paper to the Montgomery County court system and then I was off to live the rest of my life. But the way I saw it wasn’t exactly how it happened.
To that point, I had lived my life in a very nice suburban community, with a doctor for a father and an elementary school teacher for a mother. I played a $1,500 dollar guitar. I was given a car when I turned 16. My house literally had a white picket fence. I was the archetypal American teenager. Along with all of these attributes, I also had my fair share of stereotypes. And it’s important to understand that these stereotypes stemmed from being sheltered rather than being a supremacist. One of these preconceived notions I had was that all needy people (i.e. homeless, poor, etc.) were lazy, addicted to drugs, uneducated, and socially unacceptable. I was repulsed by them. Never in a million years would I have expected community service, let alone assigned community service, to change my assumptions about people in need. Contrary to my expectations, that’s exactly what happened.
The first day I worked my time was spent separating the good cucumbers from the rotten cucumbers. And just then I realized that these people were eating the food that didn’t “make the cut” at the grocery stores................
annnnd that's all i have so far. i'm sure it's obvious where i'm going with it. i.e. the people that i actually gave the food to were all completely different than how i had assumed they were, mostly victims of circumstance etc etc etc.
thanks again in advance.
-jeff
p.s. did i put too much emphasis on me drinking alcohol? would it be sufficient for me to say that i got caught drinking during senior week (beach week...) in high school?
The first time I consumed alcohol was the summer after eighth grade. Growing up with an alcoholic mother and a workaholic father had an impact on my decisions as a teenager. Of course every teenager strives to be as rebellious as they possibly can, but not all teenagers get into trouble for his or her actions. By the time I had turned 18, the social drinking had turned into a habit – which in turn became an addiction. Eventually I finally got into trouble with the law at the end of my senior year in high school. When I was given the option of either paying a hefty fine or participating in a community service program, there was no choice: not because I favored one over the other, but because mom and dad wouldn’t bail me out this time. I signed up for the community service and cleared my calendar of every fun event I had planned for the next month.
The organization to which I was assigned was a local food center that distributed food to people in need. The days were long, the work was tedious and boring. I went into the experience with the most negative of attitudes. The way I saw it, I was here to work my hours, send my little paper to the Montgomery County court system and then I was off to live the rest of my life. But the way I saw it wasn’t exactly how it happened.
To that point, I had lived my life in a very nice suburban community, with a doctor for a father and an elementary school teacher for a mother. I played a $1,500 dollar guitar. I was given a car when I turned 16. My house literally had a white picket fence. I was the archetypal American teenager. Along with all of these attributes, I also had my fair share of stereotypes. And it’s important to understand that these stereotypes stemmed from being sheltered rather than being a supremacist. One of these preconceived notions I had was that all needy people (i.e. homeless, poor, etc.) were lazy, addicted to drugs, uneducated, and socially unacceptable. I was repulsed by them. Never in a million years would I have expected community service, let alone assigned community service, to change my assumptions about people in need. Contrary to my expectations, that’s exactly what happened.
The first day I worked my time was spent separating the good cucumbers from the rotten cucumbers. And just then I realized that these people were eating the food that didn’t “make the cut” at the grocery stores................
annnnd that's all i have so far. i'm sure it's obvious where i'm going with it. i.e. the people that i actually gave the food to were all completely different than how i had assumed they were, mostly victims of circumstance etc etc etc.
thanks again in advance.
-jeff