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Anyone have input on my PS?
Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:31 pm
by kaya_belly
Thanks!
Re: Anyone have input on my PS?
Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 6:59 pm
by Irrelephant
This is a great PS. The conclusion wraps it up nicely.
The "virtual autism encyclopedia" is a bit awkward and the first paragraph could use some reworking.
Re: Anyone have input on my PS?
Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 8:59 pm
by kaya_belly
Thank you for the feedback! You are absolutely right about the "virtual autism encyclopedia"....it's out. As far as the first paragraph, I have really struggled with it. I can at least say that it isn't the crap that it once was, but I know it still needs work. Thanks again.
Re: Anyone have input on my PS?
Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:46 pm
by Irrelephant
1st paragraph isn't bad.. It is just a little too descriptive and it kind of takes away from the purpose of your PS.
Id appreciate some feedback on mine if you have some time on your hands.
Re: Anyone have input on my PS?
Posted: Sat Jan 30, 2010 9:51 pm
by ravens20
Good overall essay. The first paragraph seemed too flowery at times; you would be better served getting to the point of the essay in a more direct fashion. Also, in the sentence beginning with "Next" in the first paragraph, I don't think you need a comma.