First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top Forum

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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flunkee

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First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Post by flunkee » Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:08 pm

Thank you for all of your help!
Last edited by flunkee on Fri Jan 29, 2010 6:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Captain Muscles

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Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Post by Captain Muscles » Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:35 pm

I like this but maybe don't talk about how your life was in turmoil. Focus on the brightside!
Last edited by Captain Muscles on Fri Jan 29, 2010 7:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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flunkee

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Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Post by flunkee » Fri Jan 29, 2010 3:47 pm

Thank you for your reply. I will take that into consideration. Is there anyone else with any thoughts or suggestions?
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Sherpa

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Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Post by Sherpa » Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:32 pm

.
Last edited by Sherpa on Sun Jan 31, 2010 5:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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flunkee

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Re: First Draft - Please help ... pretty please w/ sugar on top

Post by flunkee » Fri Jan 29, 2010 4:37 pm

Sherpa wrote:The essay jumps around too much and is a little too "woe is me" and not enough "I'm the Rocky balboa of overcoming adversity."
Thank you for pointing this out. I agree completely.
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