2nd Draft-- Please help! This is very important to me! Forum

[blurped]

Thank you for all your replies--I will post a new draft soon

[ConMan345]

I've only read the first part.

My advice, FWIW: cut the first paragraph, it stalls too much, and the analogy isn't quite right, in my mind. Also, avoid like the plague describing yourself in concrete terms, it can come off as arrogant, or at best very biased. It's a subtle but important difference, I think. Instead of saying something like "I'm competitive," describe a competitive situation you enjoyed or, if you must, say "I enjoy competition."

[blurped]

I've only read the first part.

My advice, FWIW: cut the first paragraph, it stalls too much, and the analogy isn't quite right, in my mind. Also, avoid like the plague describing yourself in concrete terms, it can come off as arrogant, or at best very biased. It's a subtle but important difference, I think. Instead of saying something like "I'm competitive," describe a competitive situation you enjoyed or, if you must, say "I enjoy competition."

Thank you, I've been concerned whether the analogy was appropriate or not.

[dlee975]

bad analogy...not interested in Giuseppe

[Richie Tenenbaum]

Cut the first paragraph.

Reconsider the need to include your love of arguing growing up and your dad always saying you should be a lawyer; both are typically considered bad reasons to apply to law schools.

[Bankhead]

It goes on way too long, but it's fine for Tier 4.

I have a friend currently a 1L at South Texas. He loves it.

[blurped]

OK, I will def cut the first paragraph (maybe change it to another analogy that is more appropriate for law?).

It doesn't sound too resume-ish, does it?