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edit

mitigate is wrongly used

don't start a sentence with "but"

too many semi-colons and run-ons

there's a lot about eddie bell, but not enough about you

its a nice narrative, but it doesn't capture your rationale for law

edited

"even though law by definition is somewhat mundane and complex"

I understand what you're trying to say, but are you sure it's worth the risk to include this statement? I don't think the very slim chance for an upside (in terms of exhibiting your realistic understanding of law) is worth the HUGE downside.

I'd reconsider this.

Aside from that.... great story, but I'd agree that there's not enough about you personally. I'm left thinking... ok, what else? Are you going to be bored in law (and law school) if you're not a part of some epic tragedy? Speak more about a diverse set of interests that led you to law beyond this one story.

What is a "potentially new girlfriend"? I have a vague sense of why she's in your personal statement, but "potentially new" is a strange way of wording it.

I think my wording is awkward sometimes.... I had a difficult time with the phrase fonzerelli pointed out and ended up just moving on but I'll have to fix it in my next edit.

the whole girlfriend thing isn't even necessary, just sort of an odd personal fact since she later became my stepmom. I'll work on the awkwardness of that phrase as well.


Thanks so much for the help.

ru2009 wrote:I think my wording is awkward sometimes.... I had a difficult time with the phrase fonzerelli pointed out and ended up just moving on but I'll have to fix it in my next edit.

the whole girlfriend thing isn't even necessary, just sort of an odd personal fact since she later became my stepmom. I'll work on the awkwardness of that phrase as well.


Thanks so much for the help.

By the way - GO FOR A RECOMMENDATION LETTER FROM JUSTICE THOMAS - why not? Have you asked?

hahaha...we only met once. I guess I never even considered it, although he was very informative and praised washington and lee law school (i live in va and told him i didn't have a shot at uva) he also shook my hand for a very...long....time...and wouldn't let us take a pic with him

ru2009 wrote:hahaha...we only met once. I guess I never even considered it, although he was very informative and praised washington and lee law school (i live in va and told him i didn't have a shot at uva) he also shook my hand for a very...long....time...and wouldn't let us take a pic with him

Honestly - why not? He's a third cousin... that's distant enough to not be considered an immediate member of your family writing an obviously biased rec letter but close enough that it's a real possibility. I would ask.... nothing to lose!

Good luck...

I liked the story. But leave the facts about the girlfriend etc out as it is a waster of words with no purpose. While equal representation seems to be the reason you want to do law, that is just one point. I would use your experience in your volunteer camp as well to make up some points for a paragraph.