Feel bad to claim to be LGBTQ+ Forum

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NYCT2021

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Feel bad to claim to be LGBTQ+

Post by NYCT2021 » Mon Dec 23, 2019 7:54 pm

If the title seems weird, here's the explanation...

I'm bisexual male and I have had relationships with men. However, I'm inclined more towards women than men. At no point in my life have I experienced any form of hatred/bigotry. My coming out was rather uneventful. Being bi is not a small part of my life or identity, it's hardly a part of it at all. I also easily pass as straight and for the most part am not that open about this part of my life.

There are other people who have faced real struggle, who see being on the spectrum as a big part of their identity and for whom a diversity statement could be very helpful in admissions. I feel like claiming the same would be cheap and a disservice to the others who it might mean more to. Part of me would just feel bad claiming URM status for anything when it's a part of me that is hardly visible.

Am I right or crazy for thinking this way?

QContinuum

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Re: Feel bad to claim to be LGBTQ+

Post by QContinuum » Mon Dec 23, 2019 8:00 pm

Welcome to TLS!

As a bisexual man, you are indeed LGBTQ+ - they didn't throw in the "B" for no reason! - and, assuming you wish to volunteer that information to law schools in your applications (e.g., by checking the LGBTQ+ box), you should absolutely feel no guilt in doing so.

That said, since you haven't experienced any discrimination relating to your sexual orientation, I wouldn't recommend writing a diversity statement. Because, what would you write about?? The DS is optional, and no applicant (URM or not) is required to write a DS.

HopefulSplitter0000

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Re: Feel bad to claim to be LGBTQ+

Post by HopefulSplitter0000 » Mon Dec 23, 2019 9:40 pm

NYCT2021 wrote:Am I right or crazy for thinking this way?
As bisexual men, especially from liberal states (NY/CT based on your name), we face less discrimination than some other members of our community. However, we are still part of it, and our identities do not change based on how much overt discrimination we face. If an African American lived in a community of African Americans and never faced racism, that would not make him/her any less African American. Being bisexual in an area that welcomes bisexual men and other LGBTQIA+ people does not make us less bisexual.

To your other point, most bisexual people I know do not feel like there is a perfect 50/50 split between their attraction to men/women. This is like people saying they will date any ethnic group but have a slight preference towards group "X," and it is perfectly acceptable.

As a third point, the fact that you feel this guilt, as I once did (and still do sometimes), means that you have been discriminated against in a way you do not yet fully realize. You have let others' views of what bisexual people should look like, act like, etc. adversely impact your view of yourself. Unfortunately, this type of discrimination usually comes from within our own community or from those who claim to be LGBTQIA+ advocates, so it can be tough to identify at first.

You would be amazed how many other bi men and women have voiced identical concerns and experiences. Though usually they are not applying to law school; they just come to talk to me IRL because, having lived similar experiences, I get it. I will not make suggestions regarding writing a DS, but you should feel no guilt at identifying as bisexual on applications.

QContinuum

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Re: Feel bad to claim to be LGBTQ+

Post by QContinuum » Tue Dec 24, 2019 1:51 pm

enz2103 wrote:As a third point, the fact that you feel this guilt, as I once did (and still do sometimes), means that you have been discriminated against in a way you do not yet fully realize. You have let others' views of what bisexual people should look like, act like, etc. adversely impact your view of yourself. Unfortunately, this type of discrimination usually comes from within our own community or from those who claim to be LGBTQIA+ advocates, so it can be tough to identify at first.
Indeed, "anti-bi" discrimination from the gay/lesbian community (and, of course, from heterosexuals too) is a well-documented phenomenon. See, e.g., https://www.thedailybeast.com/are-bisex ... -lgbt-club Many folks - including gays and lesbians - who accept that gays and lesbians don't "choose" to be gay nevertheless have difficulty accepting bisexuality as a sexual orientation, rather than a "lifestyle" choice.

Thanks very much for sharing your perspective, enz. You make a very compelling point, in my view, about OP's guilt over his sexual orientation. It's kind of like how women and racial minorities often feel compelled to outperform their straight white male peers in order to "prove" they deserve a spot at the table, that they aren't an "affirmative action hire". That kind of internalized self-doubt is a type of hurdle straight white men never experience, and is a direct result of generalized societal discrimination.

One final point:
NYCT2021 wrote:I also easily pass as straight and for the most part am not that open about this part of my life.
That applies almost equally to gay men, the (vast) majority of whom are not stereotypically flamboyant etc. in day-to-day life. Indeed, many gay men consciously go the extra mile to "pass as straight", or, indeed, to look "even straighter" than heterosexual men (e.g., by consciously avoiding pink shirts).

When you walk down the street on an ordinary day, you can usually never tell whether the men you pass are heterosexual, bisexual, transgender or gay.

The Lsat Airbender

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Re: Feel bad to claim to be LGBTQ+

Post by The Lsat Airbender » Wed Dec 25, 2019 10:06 am

Diversity is NOT wholly, or even mostly, about the oppression olympics.

1) will you add perspective to the law-school classroom, where issues related to LBGTQ rights will come up from time to time? Yes.

2) do we need representation of sexual minorities in the legal profession, to reinforce both the appearance and the reality that members of those minorities have equal access to legal services? Yes.


Just identify honestly. If it makes you feel less guilty, you’re not getting some huge advantage in law-school admissions for it.

nothingnothing2727

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Re: Feel bad to claim to be LGBTQ+

Post by nothingnothing2727 » Sat Jan 25, 2020 3:06 am

I'm 1000000% gay and I've had my struggles with it. However, I too feel how you described above. I didn't write a diversity statement about it. The only mention of it was checking the box. I never really have been discriminated against, thrown out of the house, etc. Although I'm sort of closeted with only my immediate family knowing. But even then, it's something nobody talks about or will ever bring up.. Complicated stuff.

I felt as though I would be taking other's thunder who have had pretty horrid experiences if I wrote one. That's my personal view for myself, but don't think your thought process is unordinary.

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