Please Critique my PS? Forum

[MaroonWhite]

Personal Statement

Every time I raised my hand or opened my mouth, sighs, smacking-of-the-teeth and rolling-of-the-eyes would pervade the classroom. I fancied myself as the antithesis of conformity and an unrelenting devil's advocate. Then again, it was middle school, and maybe I just wanted to be different for the sake of being special. I really can't remember what drove me to become conservative-Republican at the age of thirteen, and as a poor kid from Baltimore City. But it was from this point where my interest in politics only grew.
College is where I had begun to rethink the conservative ideological path I'd chosen up until that point. I found myself being intuitively drawn toward the left of the political spectrum on issues like same-sex marriage, abortion, immigration reform and the use of Government programs to eradicate discriminatory outcomes in society. Still, I had retained an affinity for the Republican Party’s positions on economic and educational issues, which were of deep importance to me. These grinding ideological conflations left me feeling adrift, with no sense of where I had fit into the contemporary polarized, political discourse.
Eventually, I realized that the University’s College Republican Club would not support any of my progressive political ideas with regards to social issues. Thus, I left the organization and founded the Progressive Republican Club (PRs)—a student organization intended for millennial Republicans who are committed to social progress and economic responsibility.
I and the eight other people who I had initially recruited to start the organization began work from the ground up. We forewent nights and weekends of relaxation in order to form our governing documents, strategize ways to recruit students and brainstorm areas of social policy for which we could offer forward-thinking solutions.
Through my organization, I gained a strong understanding of how important a legal background could figure into being an effective political advocate. For example, our first initiative was to create a University-wide student task force charged with developing ideas to reform and perhaps federalize certain aspects of police policy. This required us to conduct research into a vast array of legislation and judicial rulings that were currently in effect. Demystifying the mounds of specialized legal concepts and jargon they contained became a worthy task in and of itself, which dealt a serious blow to our efficiency. We also examined the legal contexts of Ferguson, Missouri and Sanford, Florida to try and understand what enabled the acquittals of Mr. Zimmerman and Officer Wilson. Again, our efforts were slowed because we did not have a strong grasp on how the judicial process should work in theory, so as to contrast this conception with how the process had been carried out in practice.
Further initiatives undertaken by the Progressive Republicans only solidified my resolve to pursue a law degree. While working in conjunction with the University’s LGBT Pride organization, we created a legislative proposal directed at shielding LGBT youth from sexual-orientation conversion therapy. Making this proposal feasible was no easy task. Our groups had to maneuver through doctrinal religious and parental autonomy, while utilizing the legal concept of ‘duress’ to support our argument that parents should not be able to force their child to undergo conversion therapy. Using the law and its principles to advocate on behalf of political progress gave me a sense of fulfillment and vigor.
In preparation for an impactful career in political advocacy, I seek to acquire a legal education that does far more than prepare me for a job at a law firm. Harvard Law School’s peerless network of politically inclined alumni, and faculty with storied histories in activism and legal reform makes this school my very top choice. The privilege of being taught by Professor Alan Dershowitz is of particular interest to me. I was first exposed to Professor Dershowitz after witnessing his brilliant debate with Dr. Alan Keyes on the role of religion in society. Professor Dershowitz has managed to operate well and with considerable influence in both the political and legal realms. His ability to examine political occurrences from a legal and non-legal perspective is among the things I hope to gain from sharing a classroom with him.

[Flokkness]

Took nothing from this, unfortunately. Sort of a sketchy Why Harvard? addendum at the end there.

If you want to write your PS about the life and times of a progressive black Republican coming from a poor fam in Bmore, that could be pretty interesting, given the current perceptions of free speech issues in academia. I'd like to read that PS. But you'd need to start from scratch. Narrativize and reflect and show growth, instead of merely reciting. For example, I have no idea why you are a "devil's advocate." If you distribute that single disclosure of your personality to the rest of the PS, it's not a good conclusion as to your character...

Discussion of your leadership/activities verges on resume dropping in the absence of meaningful narrative. You really gotta own your story if you're going with such a broad approach. Mostly it's just not even remotely compelling. I really want to read about some specific experiences that helped drive your growth rather than inferring them.

Give this a thorough read, imo:

https://www.law.yale.edu/admissions/jd- ... sk-asha/ps

Hopefully that doesn't sound overly harsh. I think this could be an interesting PS. But you need to dig a whole lot deeper.

[Blueblades]

..

[Flokkness]

Please don't listen to Flokness, he hasn't a clue what he is talking about. If you wrote a diversity statement to elaborate on your background then your good. There is plenty of substance to what you wrote here, no word play and extremely telling to your drive and efficacy. Ditch the why Harvard part tho.

If I felt pretty strongly (in the wrong way) about the PS, imagine what a harried adcom will think. Just saying. Obviously we are free to take or leave TLS advice, so there's that too.

Good luck, TS.