Diversity Statement Destruction! Forum

[FairchildFLT]

How catchy was that? Anyone mind reviewing this?

A View of Both Worlds
I understand that there are many people whose life experiences will add more diversity to an incoming law school class. However, I would like to take this opportunity to share something that adds uniqueness to my application and is important to my decision to pursue law school. My view of the world is derived from much more than a viewpoint based off the color of my skin. Diversity is much more than how you are born; it is about what you do to both better yourself, and the group you represent. Everything I do in life is about making it clear to my son and daughter that no matter who you are, you can go anywhere in life. I’ve grown up in the middle of two cultures, seeing the world from the viewpoints of both a black and white upbringing. I’ve had the opportunity to learn that the world is anything but black and white.
I grew up as a military brat, attending schools all over the United States and overseas. I’ve been everywhere from Texas to as far west as California, and as far away as Germany and Turkey. As a young man, I had all the propulsion, but none of the direction required to do anything with my opportunities. I was a straight A student, I played varsity sports and was a member of organizations such as Student Leadership and National Honor Society. However, I never felt challenged throughout my academic career. I decided high school was not where I was meant to be. At the time my parents were not very supportive of this decision, so I ended up leaving home to pursue my own ends. I spent a year selling newspaper subscriptions door to door to make enough money to eat, and living on the myriad couches of my friends. Eventually I found my way home, and after earning my GED I enrolled at my local community college at the age of sixteen. I spent two semesters there before joining the United States Air Force the day I turned seventeen.
While serving in the United States Air Force I married my sweet-heart from high school, and found my reason for pursuing success. Knowing that my service has given me the opportunity to provide for my wife and now also my children is my greatest motivation. I’ve now served in the Air Force for four years, and I’ve managed to attend college full time for the majority of my time while serving on active duty. I’ve maintained a 3.5 grade point average while juggling both my family and military service. I’ve been able to stay even with my traditional college attending peers, while taking on more responsibility than many of them have ever had to deal with. Without these hurdles in my life, I would never have galvanized such a desire to succeed and excel, in order to provide for my family.
My ultimate goal is to show my children that no matter your road in life, hard work will allow you to succeed. No matter your skin color, no matter what you’ve been through, the only one who decides your ability to succeed is you. This is the attitude I will contribute to the classroom, while also exhibiting professionalism and the drive required to be competitive. Law school is another challenge in life that I look forward to attacking head on, and I thank you for the opportunity to begin this challenge.

[Nebby]

This reads like an awesome personal statement, but I don't see the diversity component. What is the angle? Nontraditional?

[Learn_Live_Hope]

This reads like an awesome personal statement, but I don't see the diversity component. What is the angle? Nontraditional?

Agree.

[FairchildFLT]

Honestly I'm not really sure what my angle is. Maybe that is the problem. I've never really tried to use my diversity status to my advantage before.

[Nebby]

What is your personal statement about?

[FairchildFLT]

My PS is

Over, Under, Through
There is no obstacle that cannot be overcome. There is no problem that cannot be solved. I’ve proved this over and over throughout my life. I left home when I was only 16, selling newspapers door to door to provide for myself. I learned some of the most influential lessons of my life during this time. There are not many situations that seem insurmountable when viewed through the eyeglass of a young kid who has walked around neighborhoods he’s never been to, in freezing blizzards, knowing if he was not successful, he would not eat. Now, I sit here typing a statement for entrance to one of the most prestigious law schools in the nation, while my son and daughter sit smiling and cooing next to me. I’ve worked my hands to the bone to ensure my children will never go through what I went through to support themselves.
When I was seventeen years old I enrolled at my local community college. I knew education was the key to providing for myself and my future family. I spent a year in college before deciding to pursue military service. I knew I could not only get help with college expenses, but also start giving back to the nation that had provided me the opportunity to pursue that education in the first place.. The United States Air Force is where I truly began to grow as a man and represents a catalyst to my life. The military changed me from a young boy struggling to eat, to a proud man who could support himself and his family. Now my time in the military is coming to an end and I am overjoyed to have the opportunity to pursue further education that will allow me to continue serving the community.
I desire to be the kind of man my wife and children can look up to and are proud of. Knowing my service would ensure their wellbeing was my greatest motivation while on active duty. After following me around for the past four years I am glad I will have the opportunity to lay down roots for my children and show them the value of giving their service to others. Military and community service had played a large role in who their father had become. I have so many passions to follow that will only benefit from a degree in law. The foremost reason I want to attend law school is so that one day I will be able to litigate on behalf of our nations indigent, our under represented and our veteran heroes in order to help better their lives.
The Air Force embraces the core values of Integrity, Service and Excellence. These core values are something I’ve grown to represent not only in my professional career, but in my personal life as well. I have acted as a mentor to my peers since before college began and continue to do so. I was a member of student leadership and more recently have acted as an Airman leader where I was looked upon to set the example for how the younger Airman who were coming up under me should carry themselves in regards to customs and courtesies as well as out in our nation. While attending the University of Xyz I will remain dedicated to a selfless desire of accomplishing the mission set before me, an unwavering commitment to the highest standards of integrity and my resolution to strive for excellence in whatever task is placed on my shoulders. I am confident when given the opportunity, I can lead, mentor and support those around me in order to help form my peers into a cohesive unit.
These qualities described above led to me being hand-selected to serve as the assistant to the Air Force Commander in charge of fighting the Waldo Canyon Fire. I acted as liaison between aircrew life support personnel and the mission’s leadership; while assisting in oversight of the life support mission. Being afforded the opportunity to use my training in order to advise a commander on how best to use our teams and being able to make life savings decisions was a valuable lesson in leadership. I have proven I can handle immense pressure as well as multiple tasks in a life threatening situation. Although I’ve been faced with numerous obstacles, I’ve always found a way to make it over, under, or through.
Thank you for considering me for acceptance to a tremendous university such as the University of XYZ. If given the opportunity to attend, I will pursue the excellence required of a law school student relentlessly, as I have throughout my military career. I hope to be not only a great student, but a great member of the Xyz community moving forward in my career.

[sunsheyen]

For what it's worth, you may want to cross reference your statements and correct any timeline/date discrepancies. I caught them right away, and you definitely wouldn't want adcomms to do that and question the truthfulness of your writings.

[FairchildFLT]

For what it's worth, you may want to cross reference your statements and correct any timeline/date discrepancies. I caught them right away, and you definitely wouldn't want adcomms to do that and question the truthfulness of your writings.

Should read 16. Thanks for catching that.