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Please Critique! DS
Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:03 pm
by avd90
deleted
Re: Please Critique! DS
Posted: Wed Jan 04, 2012 2:08 pm
by tfcorso
Redundancy - Puerto Rican mother twice in first two sentences. Suggest leaving "Puerto Rican" out of the first sentence, making the reader question why your grandmother didn't approve of the marriage, which is answered in the second sentence. I'll read more later. Just wanted to say that before I forgot because I've got to go run an errand.