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As someone who critiques events and practices in Pakistan from the outside, I have found myself treated with increasing vitriol.

I think your DS is great. I'm just not sure what you're talking about in this sentence. Critiques, practices - what?

I really like your DS. I'm sorry for any discrimination you have suffered. Best wishes to you and your husband living in the U.S., and I wish the best for the Pakistani peoples' future. Here are two things I found confusing.

"experiential reality", is this an appropriate phrase? Could you simply say experience with, or something less technical sounding. Also, what is "intersectionality theory"? Is this a sociological/feminist theory? Maybe this is integral to your DS, but usually I believe it is recommended that while writing a PS/DS that technical and specialist terms should be avoided. You want to write something that an average person would mostly understand.

Again, I think that this is an excellent DS. Hope this helps.

horrorbusiness wrote:

As someone who critiques events and practices in Pakistan from the outside, I have found myself treated with increasing vitriol.

I think your DS is great. I'm just not sure what you're talking about in this sentence. Critiques, practices - what?

She is speaking about some of the more hardline policies that discriminate against women and other segments of society in Pakistan. I think the wording could be better, but I think most admissions officials would understand. Perhaps saying something like "As someone who critiques repressive cultural and governmental practices in Pakistan, I have found myself treated with intense vitriol." would sound better.

Ohiobumpkin wrote:I really like your DS. I'm sorry for any discrimination you have suffered. Best wishes to you and your husband living in the U.S., and I wish the best for the Pakistani peoples' future. Here are two things I found confusing.

"experiential reality", is this an appropriate phrase? Could you simply say experience with, or something less technical sounding. Also, what is "intersectionality theory"? Is this a sociological/feminist theory? Maybe this is integral to your DS, but usually I believe it is recommended that while writing a PS/DS that technical and specialist terms should be avoided. You want to write something that an average person would mostly understand.

Again, I think that this is an excellent DS. Hope this helps.

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it. I agree with your comments - I have removed the more technical/academic language of 'intersectionality' etc and it reads better now. thanks so much!