Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique! Forum
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Anonymous posting is only appropriate when you are sharing sensitive information about bar exam prep. You may anonymously respond on topic to these threads. Unacceptable uses include: harassing another user, joking around, testing the feature, or other things that are more appropriate in the lounge.
Failure to follow these rules will get you outed, warned, or banned."
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SMUDallas2010
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm
Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!
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Last edited by SMUDallas2010 on Tue Feb 02, 2010 9:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Cupidity
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Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!
A few key flaws.
1. Too many subjects
2. Too long for a DS
This is well written, and interesting, yet in about two pages you have revealed to me your sexual orientation, background as a business professional, the fact you were a varsity athlete, and etc...etc....etc... While it may sound diverse, every one of these things will likely fade into nothingness when it is taken in the context of thousands of other essays. I would take the age/non-traditional aspect and run with it. It also sounds like you may be interested in submitting an academic addendum for your UG performace? Go narrower in scope, go deeper, and it will be more memorable, this is a total Golden Corral of a DS.
1. Too many subjects
2. Too long for a DS
This is well written, and interesting, yet in about two pages you have revealed to me your sexual orientation, background as a business professional, the fact you were a varsity athlete, and etc...etc....etc... While it may sound diverse, every one of these things will likely fade into nothingness when it is taken in the context of thousands of other essays. I would take the age/non-traditional aspect and run with it. It also sounds like you may be interested in submitting an academic addendum for your UG performace? Go narrower in scope, go deeper, and it will be more memorable, this is a total Golden Corral of a DS.
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SMUDallas2010
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm
Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!
Ha! Thanks. I like the Golden Corral reference.
The school I'm applying to allows up to 4 pages. This is only 3. But I hear you on the topics. I'll see about cutting it down.
Thanks!
The school I'm applying to allows up to 4 pages. This is only 3. But I hear you on the topics. I'll see about cutting it down.
Thanks!
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SMUDallas2010
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm
Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!
What if I took out the first paragraph?
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Cupidity
- Posts: 2214
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Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!
The "self-confidence" stuff is probably what I would cut, it doesn't contribute to your theme very well, at least the theme I think you should stick with, which is that you are Non-Trad, ie: real world experience.
I'd keep the first paragraph but cut the "People who" line.
I'd keep the first paragraph but cut the "People who" line.
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SMUDallas2010
- Posts: 29
- Joined: Sat Oct 03, 2009 7:00 pm
Re: Non-Traditional Diversity Statement. Please critique!
Good advice. Much appreciated.
