Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Share Your Experiences, Read About Other Experiences. Please keep posts organized by school and expected year of graduation.

Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Harvard
94
11%
Notre Dame
223
27%
Cooley
162
20%
Cornell
27
3%
UC Berkeley
148
18%
Other
174
21%
 
Total votes: 828

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20130312
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby 20130312 » Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:31 pm

Not St. John's? I mean... come on.

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T00L
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby T00L » Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:33 pm

Regent....or Pepperdine

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fingerscrossedxx
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby fingerscrossedxx » Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:51 pm

InGoodFaith wrote:
ArthuKirkland wrote:This argument is absurd. It is entirely impossible to predict with any degree of certainty where Jesus would attend law school due to his complex application package.

1.) To the best of our knowledge, Jesus does not have an undergraduate degree from an accredited institution of higher learning. We would know if he did, because such an institution would undoubtedly flaunt photographs of him in their alumni publications and admissions brochures. I never received any brochures as a high school senior showing Jesus strolling across the quad or playing ultimate frisbee. If anyone has, please let me know. However, if Jesus based his PS on a famous quote ( Mike Huckabee's "I didn't major in math, I majored in miracles" comes to mind), schools might be willing to overlook this deficit.

No GPA + 175-180 LSAT = Most extreme splitter I know of.

2.) Letters of Recommendation. This is problematic. Who would write them? Obviously his Father would be helpful in this area but as an earlier poster indicated, schools generally frown on family members. Therefore, Mary and, ostensibly, Joseph, are also excluded. This would leave the Disciples, who, considering their prominence and friendship with the applicant, could likely write some very strong letters. They are problematic in that they follow him with nearly blind allegiance, suggesting the possibility of unnatural bias, but if they did write his letters, it would be best to target their letters to specific schools and take the following into consideration:

Simon called Peter-Knew the Messiah very well so could write an excellent letter. Also, generally regarded as the first Pope of the Roman Catholic Church, so in at ND and Catholic w/$. Unfortunately executed by Nero, so some possible C&F issues of his own.
Andrew-Saltire Cross of St. Andrew featured prominently on state flags of Florida & Alabama. In at UF, FSU, & Alabama. Should he elect to attend Alabama, Auburn does not go to the playoffs and (more) prayers are now ended with “Roll Tide”.
James (The Greater)-Executed by Herod. Don't ask people on death row to write LORs.
John-Mormons believe he was immortalized and returned to Earth in 1830. Gets the Savior in at BYU.
Bartholemew (Also called Nathanial) - Not mentioned at all in New Testament, indicating he does not know the applicant well enough to write a solid LoR.
Matthew-Worked as tax collector for Herod. Given prominent government role, target all DC area schools.
Thomas-Doubted resurrection. Do not ask for letter.
James (The Lesser)- If you are considered inferior to someone the king had executed, you are no help in application process.
Simon the Zealot- In Jesus Christ Superstar, tries to persuade Jesus to attack Roman Occupiers. Given opposition to occupiers, could probably write a good letter for corporate law programs.
Jude-Roman Catholic patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes. Target letters to reach schools.
Judas Iscariot-Do not sign the LSAC form waiving right to see this letter.

3.) To address another earlier poster, I doubt Jesus would opt to stay in state given his past run ins with the local governor.

Finally, even IF schools were willing to overlook his glaring lack of a Bachelor’s degree AND he were able to get good LoRs AND he was able to properly explain C&F issues (hey at least he doesn’t have speeding tickets), the difficulty of locating an adcomm that is willing and able to process applications written entirely in Aramaic will mean that Jesus Christ does not get into law school anywhere.

This is why, regardless of their grades, the quality of their school, or their realistic employment opportunities following graduation, gunners everywhere have a holier than thou pretense about them.



This post has so much win, I'm not even mad you resurrected this thread! (see what I did there?)


Haha, I see what you did there. Also, this post is made ENTIRELY of win. To think that the hardest thing to come across would be a good letter of rec.. all his porfessors got mad cause he said he knew more than them- does not make for a good letter of rec.

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cinephile
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby cinephile » Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:53 pm

john1990 wrote:
If Muhammad had a 175 he could get in anywhere since hes a URM :twisted:


Wait, what? How? Also, how is Jesus less middle eastern than Muhammad?

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Worker and Parasite
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby Worker and Parasite » Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:56 pm

Princeton Law for their super secret space law program

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Gail
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby Gail » Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:26 pm

bananasinpajamas wrote:Not a religious debate...

But where would Jesus go to law school?
If the divine one was perfect, we could assume a 175+ LSAT.
However, he would have to apply as an international student.
While good softs including water into wine, I do not think law schools would appreciate a letter of rec. from his father (Family does not look good in LOR).
Since Jewish people mostly do not count as URM, where would Jesus go to law school?


he already graduated from University of Florida as an undergrad. My money is on UofF

--ImageRemoved--

Moultdog
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby Moultdog » Mon Dec 12, 2011 11:18 pm

niederbomb wrote:Clearly, bible-thumping Regent Law School. Besides his occasional dabbles into charity, Jesus always associated with the most conservative and righteous folks (the Pharisees).

However, I wouldn't be surprised if the Son of Man got expelled from Regent for calling Pat Robertson a hypocrite and Focus on the Family a brood of vipers.


Haha, love the second part. The first part is definitely false...the Pharisees followed Jesus around as he lived among the poor and needy.

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cogitoergosum
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby cogitoergosum » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:00 am

cinephile wrote:
john1990 wrote:
If Muhammad had a 175 he could get in anywhere since hes a URM :twisted:


Wait, what? How? Also, how is Jesus less middle eastern than Muhammad?

good question...

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descartesb4thehorse
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby descartesb4thehorse » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:06 am

cogitoergosum wrote:
cinephile wrote:
john1990 wrote:
If Muhammad had a 175 he could get in anywhere since hes a URM :twisted:


Wait, what? How? Also, how is Jesus less middle eastern than Muhammad?

good question...


my nemesis.... you have followed me even here

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minnbills
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby minnbills » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:23 am

180 des

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cogitoergosum
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby cogitoergosum » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:28 am

descartesb4thehorse wrote:
cogitoergosum wrote:
cinephile wrote:
john1990 wrote:
If Muhammad had a 175 he could get in anywhere since hes a URM :twisted:


Wait, what? How? Also, how is Jesus less middle eastern than Muhammad?

good question...


my nemesis.... you have followed me even here

Why am I your nemesis? Is it my ontological argument? Or maybe my work on optics? We can get past this...

MrAnon
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby MrAnon » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:37 am

Not WUSTL.

decaf735
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby decaf735 » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:41 am

he would obviously go to University of Florida, because that's where he played football and won the Heisman trophy in his sophomore year of undergrad

he has a pretty good paying gig now with the Broncos, so I wouldn't advise him to return to school when the legal job market is already so tumultuous

decaf735
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby decaf735 » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:42 am

damnit somebody already made a tebow joke

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ColumbiaChamp
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby ColumbiaChamp » Tue Dec 13, 2011 12:57 am

I think Rick Perry is best qualified to answer this question.

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MormonChristian
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby MormonChristian » Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:03 am

BYU --> He really wouldn't go there, he would teach there.

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AreJay711
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby AreJay711 » Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:06 am

Jesus already goes to law school, guys. Don't you all ever pay attention in mass?

Rdubs
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby Rdubs » Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:07 am

MormonChristian wrote:BYU --> He really wouldn't go there, he would teach there.


Came here to say just that! Represent!

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buckilaw
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby buckilaw » Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:12 am

Jesus would want to walk amongst the trolls so that he may help them. Cooley.

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UnamSanctam
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby UnamSanctam » Tue Dec 13, 2011 1:57 am

Moultdog wrote:
niederbomb wrote:Clearly, bible-thumping Regent Law School. Besides his occasional dabbles into charity, Jesus always associated with the most conservative and righteous folks (the Pharisees).

However, I wouldn't be surprised if the Son of Man got expelled from Regent for calling Pat Robertson a hypocrite and Focus on the Family a brood of vipers.


Haha, love the second part. The first part is definitely false...the Pharisees followed Jesus around as he lived among the poor and needy.


Jesus ate with the Pharisees, and it was custom to only eat with the people that were of your class. Since the Pharisees ate with Jesus, that means Jesus probably came from a family line associated with the Pharisees, and his theology was closely related to their thinking. It is because they were so close in thought to him, yet were blatantly acting contrary to their doctrine, that Jesus chastised them. It's not because he didn't agree with them.

tl;dr—Notre Dame

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introversional
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby introversional » Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:43 pm

In Hell.

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T00L
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby T00L » Wed Dec 14, 2011 12:49 pm

introversional wrote:In Hell.


Your avatar makes me think:

"Where would 'de jesus' go to law school?"

"I don't know, but he's a sex offender, dude."

"Ya, man."

"No! I mean seriously. He's a sex offender. With a record. He served like 6 months in Chino..."

z0rk
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby z0rk » Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:38 pm

InGoodFaith wrote:Not St. John's? I mean... come on.


Jesus was a jew, therefore Cardozo!

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PDaddy
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby PDaddy » Fri Dec 16, 2011 4:57 pm

Jesus would reform the entire system.

Jesus would (1) reduce by about 1/3 the number of law schools and replace a few of the known diploma mills with law schools at 15 or 20 more prestigious colleges and universities (like M.I.T., John's Hopkins, etc.). We would have about 140 law schools.

Jesus would (2) design a better law admissions test, incorporating many aspects of the current LSAT but adding a more comprehensive battery of skills and qualities tests.

Jesus would (3) expose Robert Morse's USNWR rankings agenda for what it is: a veiled but inept attempt to disincentivize law school adcoms from admitting ethnic minorities to elite law schools.

Jesus would (4) start severely taxing the BigLaw firms and corporations that are purposely holding Americans hostage by withholding jobs - artificially keeping the economy depressed in efforts to run Obama out of office.

Jesus would also (5) eliminate bonuses for all but the lowest paid employees until those companies started hiring en masse again, which they can already afford to do but won't.

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Genki
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Re: Where would Jesus go to Law School?

Postby Genki » Fri Dec 16, 2011 5:05 pm

ArthuKirkland wrote:This argument is absurd. It is entirely impossible to predict with any degree of certainty where Jesus would attend law school due to his complex application package.

1.) To the best of our knowledge, Jesus does not have an undergraduate degree from an accredited institution of higher learning. We would know if he did, because such an institution would undoubtedly flaunt photographs of him in their alumni publications and admissions brochures. I never received any brochures as a high school senior showing Jesus strolling across the quad or playing ultimate frisbee. If anyone has, please let me know. However, if Jesus based his PS on a famous quote ( Mike Huckabee's "I didn't major in math, I majored in miracles" comes to mind), schools might be willing to overlook this deficit.

No GPA + 175-180 LSAT = Most extreme splitter I know of.

2.) Letters of Recommendation. This is problematic. Who would write them? Obviously his Father would be helpful in this area but as an earlier poster indicated, schools generally frown on family members. Therefore, Mary and, ostensibly, Joseph, are also excluded. This would leave the Disciples, who, considering their prominence and friendship with the applicant, could likely write some very strong letters. They are problematic in that they follow him with nearly blind allegiance, suggesting the possibility of unnatural bias, but if they did write his letters, it would be best to target their letters to specific schools and take the following into consideration:

Simon called Peter-Knew the Messiah very well so could write an excellent letter. Also, generally regarded as the first Pope of the Roman Catholic Church, so in at ND and Catholic w/$. Unfortunately executed by Nero, so some possible C&F issues of his own.
Andrew-Saltire Cross of St. Andrew featured prominently on state flags of Florida & Alabama. In at UF, FSU, & Alabama. Should he elect to attend Alabama, Auburn does not go to the playoffs and (more) prayers are now ended with “Roll Tide”.
James (The Greater)-Executed by Herod. Don't ask people on death row to write LORs.
John-Mormons believe he was immortalized and returned to Earth in 1830. Gets the Savior in at BYU.
Bartholemew (Also called Nathanial) - Not mentioned at all in New Testament, indicating he does not know the applicant well enough to write a solid LoR.
Matthew-Worked as tax collector for Herod. Given prominent government role, target all DC area schools.
Thomas-Doubted resurrection. Do not ask for letter.
James (The Lesser)- If you are considered inferior to someone the king had executed, you are no help in application process.
Simon the Zealot- In Jesus Christ Superstar, tries to persuade Jesus to attack Roman Occupiers. Given opposition to occupiers, could probably write a good letter for corporate law programs.
Jude-Roman Catholic patron saint of desperate cases and lost causes. Target letters to reach schools.
Judas Iscariot-Do not sign the LSAC form waiving right to see this letter.

3.) To address another earlier poster, I doubt Jesus would opt to stay in state given his past run ins with the local governor.

Finally, even IF schools were willing to overlook his glaring lack of a Bachelor’s degree AND he were able to get good LoRs AND he was able to properly explain C&F issues (hey at least he doesn’t have speeding tickets), the difficulty of locating an adcomm that is willing and able to process applications written entirely in Aramaic will mean that Jesus Christ does not get into law school anywhere.

This is why, regardless of their grades, the quality of their school, or their realistic employment opportunities following graduation, gunners everywhere have a holier than thou pretense about them.


This post is epic! You should edit it down a little and submit it as your 250 to Yale.




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