Don't know if any of you are Beckett/Godot fans, but if you are, you might appreciate this gem from my friend.
TLS lurker-friend wrote:VLADIMIR:
What are you waiting for?
I'm waiting for JS.
What exactly should she do?
Estragon: This is a good turnip, Didi. I want an apple.
Vladimir: I don't have any apples, only carrots and radishes.
Estragon: But you gave me a turnip!
Vladimir: No I didn't.
Estragon: Yes you did.
Vladimir: You ate all my carrots so I gave you a radish.
Estragon: And I ate all your radishes so you gave me a turnip.
Vladimir: What's it matter anyway?
Estragon: Because I want an apple.
Vladimir: I don't have any apples.
Estragon: Only carrots and radishes.
Vladimir: Then why do you have a turnip?
Estragon: Where'd that tree come from?
Vladimir: How should I know?
Estragon: You were here yesterday.
Vladimir: So were you.
Estragon: No I wasn't.
Vladimir: Yes you were.
Estragon: I said I wasn't.
Vladimir: Then where were you?
Estragon: Some guys beat me up and…
Vladimir: What's the tree matter anyway?
Estragon: Well it matters to whoever planted the mustard seed yesterday.
Vladimir: Who planted a mustard seed?
Estragon: How should I know?
Vladimir: What should it matter?
Estragon: Because it could get us in to HLS.
Vladimir: Mustard seeds never accomplished anything.
Vladimir: I hope she comes today.
Estragon: Who's that?
Vladimir: The woman we're waiting for.
Estragon: Why're we waiting for JS.
Vladimir: Because she told me to.
Estragon: You're speaking Greek here.
Vladimir: It's all Greek to me.
Estragon: That's what I said.
Vladimir: What'd you say?
Estragon: Do you have the time?
(enter Pozzo and Lucky)
Pozzo: Why are you looking at me?
Vladimir: Who is looking at you?
Estragon: No, nobody's looking at anybody.
Pozzo: No! Who is looking at me.
Vladimir: I don't get it…
Pozzo: No! You don't get it. Who is looking at me?
Vladimir, Lucky, Estragon: Shut up!!
Pozzo: Since when has shut-up been lucky.
Lucky: No, I'm lucky!
Pozzo: Lucky, now I'm confused.
Vladimir: Who's that?
Estragon: I thought we went over that!
Pozzo: Alas! A woman cometh!
Lucky: No, she leaveth!
Vladimir: Do you think that was JS?
Estragon: I don't know.
Vladimir: Should we wait for her to come back?
Estragon: I'm leaving.
Vladimir: You can't.
Vladimir: We're waiting for JS.
Estragon: (Directed at Pozzo) Didn't we see you yesterday?
Pozzo: I see people everyday.
Vladimir: So do I.
Pozzo: Yes, but they are always empty.
Lucky: Whose always empty?
(Pozzo yanks Lucky's rope)
Pozzo: Bring me my stool.
(Lucky brings stool)
Pozzo: Now get back.
(Lucky goes back)
Vladimir: Do the adcomms ever do anything?
Estragon: Anything at all?
Estragon: How do you know they're real.
Pozzo: Of course they are real.
Estragon: That tree is still here.
Vladimir: It's not just going to get up and move.
Estragon: Why? It could.
Vladimir: Maybe if we had a mustard seed.
Vladimir: Pozzo do you have rope?
Pozzo: Nope just ate the last foot of it.
Vladimir: You eat feet?
Pozzo: Not usually.
Lucky: Have you ever wondered why I'm so tired all the time? He's always chasing me down trying to get my feet… Then when he gets them he goes away and comes back and gets them again, and again, and again. You would think I'd have no more helping feet to give, but it happens everyday, we walk, he yells, we talk, he yells, I run, and he gets my feet.
Estragon: I'm leaving.
Pozzo: Me too.
(Exit Pozzo and Lucky)
Vladimir: I thought you were leaving.
Estragon: I did.
Vladimir: Then why are you still here?
Estragon: Because we're waiting for JS.
Vladimir: True. I hope she comes soon.
Estragon: Is she coming tomorrow?
Estragon: And the day after tomorrow?
Vladimir: More than likely.
Estragon: And today?
Vladimir: It's entirely possible.
Estragon: Then let's go find me some booze.
Vladimir: But what if she comes tonight?
Estragon: Then we'll get the booze tomorrow.
Estragon: Let's hang ourselves.
Vladimir: We've tried that already.
Vladimir: We decided it's a toss-up between who weighs more.
Estragon: What should that matter?
Vladimir: Who are we to die for?
Estragon: For ourselves.
Vladimir: Who gave you permission to do that?
Estragon: Well no one else would die for me.
Vladimir: JS might.
Estragon: Where is she?
(Exit Vladimir and Estragon)