Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

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HWS08
Posts: 179
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:32 am

Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

Postby HWS08 » Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:39 pm

I'm not sure if this is the appropriate board for this, but I think I have seen other posts on this topic here before.

I applied to law school last year and deferred admission at one school. This school also offered me a scholarship. I have retaken the LSAT and pulled my score up by 5 points, so I am sending them an e-mail to ask for more money. I like this school, but my new score puts me in striking range of a couple others in the same geographic area (the basis of my decision) that are ranked significantly higher. I'm not sure what my decision will be if I get into one of the better ranked schools, but money may be an important factor. Anyways, here is my draft e-mail:


To ____,

I am an admitted student at (law school) who deferred last year. I am currently planning to begin law school during the fall 2011 semester. When I received my acceptance letter to (law school) last year, I was pleased to have also been awarded a $____ per year merit-based scholarship. Since then, I have retaken the LSAT and raised my score from a 164 to a 169. I am writing to make you aware of this new score and to see if you will consider raising the amount of my scholarship as a result. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,

Me


What do you think?

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gbpackerbacker
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Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 12:13 am

Re: Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

Postby gbpackerbacker » Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:46 pm

you gotta at least put the school's name in there. if you just have underscores, they won't even know that you're trying to talk to them!

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gbpackerbacker
Posts: 634
Joined: Sun May 17, 2009 12:13 am

Re: Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

Postby gbpackerbacker » Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:47 pm

I would also suggest signing with your real name instead of "me."


In all seriousness, PM'd.
Last edited by gbpackerbacker on Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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deadpoetnsp
Posts: 149
Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:57 pm

Re: Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

Postby deadpoetnsp » Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:50 pm

The letter looks good. What adcoms hate is cockiness, and the letter comes off as humble.

Congratulations on the increase, and all the best with your apps.

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hellome
Posts: 237
Joined: Sun Jul 25, 2010 8:41 pm

Re: Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

Postby hellome » Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:54 pm

"I am writing to make you aware of this new score..."

that "make you" part is slightly awkward.

"I am writing to notify you of this new score" or something along those lines?

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The Gentleman
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Re: Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

Postby The Gentleman » Tue Nov 16, 2010 9:56 pm

When you accepted the deferral, did you also enter into a binding agreement precluding you from attending another law school? If so, then I don't see how you would have any leverage to negotiate for more money.

Maybe I'm missing something though.

EDIT: I reread your post. Obviously you are not bound by the deferral, so RC fail by The Gentleman.

HWS08
Posts: 179
Joined: Wed Jul 22, 2009 10:32 am

Re: Critiques Needed- Negotiating for a Larger Scholarship

Postby HWS08 » Tue Nov 16, 2010 10:09 pm

The Gentleman wrote:When you accepted the deferral, did you also enter into a binding agreement precluding you from attending another law school? If so, then I don't see how you would have any leverage to negotiate for more money.

Maybe I'm missing something though.

EDIT: I reread your post. Obviously you are not bound by the deferral, so RC fail by The Gentleman.


I actually need to check on this. The letter I have that they sent last year when I deferred lists terms of the deferral (must pay seat deposit, etc.) but does not address whether or not it is okay to apply to other schools. However, I DO think I remember them saying that I would have to withdraw from that school (and presumably could reapply and probably be readmitted) if I wanted to apply to others. I may do that if they turn down the request for more money. I need to give that more thought. I'm planning to call the admissions office tomorrow and ask, hopefully without identifying myself so I don't get some kind of black mark on my file.

Hellome, I agree that "notify" sounds better. I will change that.

gbpackerbacker, I am off to check my PM.




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