can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

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peeker82
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can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby peeker82 » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:40 pm

Hey everyone. Could you read this paragraph from my LOCI and make any corrections? any suggestions will help. I feel good about the rest of my letter, but not great about this paragraph. thanks!

I am writing you to reiterate my interest in attending XXX School of Law, which remains my top choice for a number of reasons. During my campus visit in January, I had the opportunity to attend Professor XXX’s course, International Criminal Law. I found the class fascinating; the students were deeply engaged in the subject, actively participating with provocative questions, offering thoughtful answers to the professor’s inquiries, and challenging each other’s points with conviction. This is exactly the rigorous academic environment that I seek. Additionally, I have spoken to several current students, all of whom agree that XXX Law encourages teamwork and cooperation among students, thus eliminating much of the cut throat atmosphere prevalent at peer law schools.

Sias
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby Sias » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:47 pm

peeker82 wrote:Hey everyone. Could you read this paragraph from my LOCI and make any corrections? any suggestions will help. I feel good about the rest of my letter, but not great about this paragraph. thanks!

I am writing you to reiterate my interest in attending XXX School of Law, which remains my top choice for a number of reasons. During my campus visit in January, I had the opportunity to attend Professor XXX’s course, International Criminal Law. I found the class fascinating; the students were deeply engaged in the subject, actively participating with provocative questions, offering thoughtful answers to the professor’s inquiries, and challenging each other’s points with conviction. This is exactly the rigorous academic environment that I seek. Additionally, I have spoken to several current students, all of whom agree that XXX Law encourages teamwork and cooperation among students, thus eliminating much of the cut throat atmosphere prevalent at peer law schools.


Your punctuation isn't very good

cutthroat should be one word

Unnecessarily wordy in places.

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Boba Fett
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby Boba Fett » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:48 pm

peeker82 wrote:I am writing you to reiterate my interest in attending XXX School of Law, which remains my top choice for a number of reasons.


What you really mean: "I'm considering a long list of schools, all of which will receive the same generic, butt-fucked letter of continued interest you're receiving!"

peeker82 wrote:I had the opportunity to attend Professor XXX’s course, International Criminal Law. I found the class fascinating;


My ass you did.

peeker82 wrote:the students were deeply engaged in the subject, actively participating with provocative questions, offering thoughtful answers to the professor’s inquiries, and challenging each other’s points with conviction. This is exactly the rigorous academic environment that I seek.


Oh really? See below.

peeker82 wrote:Additionally, I have spoken to several current students, all of whom agree that XXX Law encourages teamwork and cooperation among students, thus eliminating much of the cut throat atmosphere prevalent at peer law schools.


What you really mean: "I hear your school loves pussies. Well I'm the biggest pussy in town!"

Z3RO
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby Z3RO » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:49 pm

lol @ boba fett

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soonergirl
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby soonergirl » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:54 pm

I agree with the others (though I wouldn't be so pointed about expressing it). The letter is too vague to merit that much verbage. If there's really no specific reason you're interested in the school (a certain prof, a specific program, your parents went there, etc.), then keep it short:

    Mr. X,

    It's been two months now since I visited [school]. I wanted to follow up and let you know how much I enjoyed the time I spent on campus, how impressed I was with both the students and the faculty, and how much I'm looking forward to enrolling this fall. I'm fortunate to have offers of admission at some great schools, but [school] remains my first choice. Your continued consideration is greatly appreciated.

    Thank you,

    peeker

cubswin
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby cubswin » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:57 pm

Throwing in that you will definitely accept an offer of admission if it is granted is a plus in a LOCI; it adds a little bit of weight to your claim that they are at the top of your list.

However, don't say this if it is not true.

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ricking1288
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby ricking1288 » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:58 pm

soonergirl wrote:I agree with the others (though I wouldn't be so pointed about expressing it). The letter is too vague to merit that much verbage. If there's really no specific reason you're interested in the school (a certain prof, a specific program, your parents went there, etc.), then keep it short:

    Mr. X,

    It's been two months now since I visited [school]. I wanted to follow up and let you know how much I enjoyed the time I spent on campus, how impressed I was with both the students and the faculty, and how much I'm looking forward to enrolling this fall. I'm fortunate to have offers of admission at some great schools, but [school] remains my first choice. Your continued consideration is greatly appreciated.

    Thank you,

    peeker


+1

Z3RO
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby Z3RO » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:59 pm

I dunno, when I wrote my LOCI, I was sincerely interested in certain programs at the school. I found out about these programs by obsessively pouring over their website like some drooling vagrant at a butcher's window. I only had to cruise back to their website to look up the specifics (names, etc).

You'll do much better if you have a concrete reason that you like the school other than the student body. Mentioning that you sat in on the class is good (shows interest) but it shouldn't be the focus of your letter (I recognize that you only posted a paragraph).

More substance!

peeker82
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby peeker82 » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:08 pm

Z3RO wrote:I dunno, when I wrote my LOCI, I was sincerely interested in certain programs at the school. I found out about these programs by obsessively pouring over their website like some drooling vagrant at a butcher's window. I only had to cruise back to their website to look up the specifics (names, etc).

You'll do much better if you have a concrete reason that you like the school other than the student body. Mentioning that you sat in on the class is good (shows interest) but it shouldn't be the focus of your letter (I recognize that you only posted a paragraph).

More substance!



Great point. I actually did a ton of research on the school and mentioned all of this on the Why X? essay that I sent in along with my application. Hence why I didn't throw any of that in here.

Thanks for the suggestions everyone, keep'em coming if you have any.

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soonergirl
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby soonergirl » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:10 pm

Z3RO wrote:I dunno, when I wrote my LOCI, I was sincerely interested in certain programs at the school. I found out about these programs by obsessively pouring over their website like some drooling vagrant at a butcher's window. I only had to cruise back to their website to look up the specifics (names, etc).

You'll do much better if you have a concrete reason that you like the school other than the student body. Mentioning that you sat in on the class is good (shows interest) but it shouldn't be the focus of your letter (I recognize that you only posted a paragraph).

More substance!


Yeah, but only if it's sincere and complements your personal statement, and you can express it convincingly. (I imagine in your case all three of these were the case.) Otherwise just keep it simple.

GermX
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby GermX » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:21 pm

What you really mean: "I'm considering a long list of schools, all of which will receive the same generic, butt-fucked letter of continued interest you're receiving!"


lol!

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scribelaw
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby scribelaw » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:26 pm

I have a hard time getting really jazzed up to write a well-researched LOCI.

I kinda feel like they're going to pluck from the WL based on numbers, whatever they need to do to massage their medians and 25ths/75ths, and LOCIs are just there to let them know you'd take the gig if they offered it. Maybe I'm wrong. I just don't see the point.

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sapp
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby sapp » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:29 pm

scribelaw wrote:I have a hard time getting really jazzed up to write a well-researched LOCI.

I kinda feel like they're going to pluck from the WL based on numbers, whatever they need to do to massage their medians and 25ths/75ths, and LOCIs are just there to let them know you'd take the gig if they offered it. Maybe I'm wrong. I just don't see the point.


I got put on Hold, wrote a well researched LOCI and was accepted off of a hold list within 4 hours of them confirming receipt of my letter. Also got offered $.

I felt like my LOCI had a point. :)

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scribelaw
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby scribelaw » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:32 pm

sapp wrote:
scribelaw wrote:I have a hard time getting really jazzed up to write a well-researched LOCI.

I kinda feel like they're going to pluck from the WL based on numbers, whatever they need to do to massage their medians and 25ths/75ths, and LOCIs are just there to let them know you'd take the gig if they offered it. Maybe I'm wrong. I just don't see the point.


I got put on Hold, wrote a well researched LOCI and was accepted off of a hold list within 4 hours of them confirming receipt of my letter. Also got offered $.

I felt like my LOCI had a point. :)


Wow. That's awesome.

Was your hold yield protection or did you have borderline numbers?

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sapp
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby sapp » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:32 pm

scribelaw wrote:
sapp wrote:
scribelaw wrote:I have a hard time getting really jazzed up to write a well-researched LOCI.

I kinda feel like they're going to pluck from the WL based on numbers, whatever they need to do to massage their medians and 25ths/75ths, and LOCIs are just there to let them know you'd take the gig if they offered it. Maybe I'm wrong. I just don't see the point.


I got put on Hold, wrote a well researched LOCI and was accepted off of a hold list within 4 hours of them confirming receipt of my letter. Also got offered $.

I felt like my LOCI had a point. :)


Wow. That's awesome.

Was your hold yield protection or did you have borderline numbers?


More boderline numbers then anything else. (I'm a soft reverse splitter so predictions for me were crazy).

I was actually expecting a waitlist/reject.

peeker82
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby peeker82 » Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:40 pm

whoa Sapp, that's crazy..... and awesome. i'm on Hold as well, so I really wanna nail this letter. what kind of info did you include? "well-researched" sounds inevitably like it would be long. I already sent a well-researched Why X, so really can't find much more to say about their programs and definitely dont want to come off as redundant. Based on suggestions i've modified it to this:

I am writing you to reiterate my interest in attending XXX University School of Law, which remains my top choice for a number of reasons. During my campus visit in January, I had the opportunity to attend Professor Scheffer’s course, International Criminal Law, which I found to be fascinating. The students were deeply engaged in the subject, actively participating with provocative questions, thoughtful answers, and challenging each other’s points with conviction. This is exactly the rigorous academic environment that I seek. Additionally, its state-of-the-art facilities and its prime location in the heart of [city] cement XXX at the top of my list.

then i have a paragraph with a career update and a third explaining how I would be a great fit.

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Boba Fett
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby Boba Fett » Mon Apr 05, 2010 8:10 pm

Send this shit to "XXX"

peeker82 wrote:Additionally, its state-of-the-art facilities . . . cement XXX at the top of my list.


and a super-duper, state-of-the-art, galactic DING will surely be in your future

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sapp
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby sapp » Mon Apr 05, 2010 8:12 pm

peeker82 wrote:whoa Sapp, that's crazy..... and awesome. i'm on Hold as well, so I really wanna nail this letter. what kind of info did you include? "well-researched" sounds inevitably like it would be long. I already sent a well-researched Why X, so really can't find much more to say about their programs and definitely dont want to come off as redundant.


I talked about the school as a whole, a specific program I was interested in, why I was interested in, how my work experience relates to that interest, what I'll add to the school if i were admitted, the area that the school is located in and how it fits with me (bc to go there would require a move on my part), and my thoughts on the law school in general based upon discussions I've had with alumni. It was kind of lengthy but careful editing helped me make sure it was one page.

If you want more details then that pm me and we can talk.

cubswin
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby cubswin » Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:26 pm

peeker82 wrote:whoa Sapp, that's crazy..... and awesome. i'm on Hold as well, so I really wanna nail this letter. what kind of info did you include? "well-researched" sounds inevitably like it would be long. I already sent a well-researched Why X, so really can't find much more to say about their programs and definitely dont want to come off as redundant. Based on suggestions i've modified it to this:

I am writing you to reiterate my interest in attending XXX University School of Law, which remains my top choice for a number of reasons. During my campus visit in January, I had the opportunity to attend Professor Scheffer’s course, International Criminal Law, which I found to be fascinating. The students were deeply engaged in the subject, actively participating with provocative questions, thoughtful answers, and challenging each other’s points with conviction. This is exactly the rigorous academic environment that I seek. Additionally, its state-of-the-art facilities and its prime location in the heart of [city] cement XXX at the top of my list.

then i have a paragraph with a career update and a third explaining how I would be a great fit.


Redact the name and then leave the professor's name in? Now we can all figure out it's Northwestern, dummy. :wink:

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soonergirl
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby soonergirl » Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:29 pm

sapp wrote:I got put on Hold, wrote a well researched LOCI and was accepted off of a hold list within 4 hours of them confirming receipt of my letter. Also got offered $.


yeah, mine worked, too. I never even got a receipt confirmation. I got a phone call offering admission the next day, and a scholarship offer the same week. But then I've heard some schools don't care about them at all. <shrug>

lta
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby lta » Wed Apr 07, 2010 4:10 pm

I know people keep saying that your LOCI should be 1 page max...but...

What if I really, truly, have 2 pages worth of info?

Maybe I should move to 11pt font... :oops:

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Boba Fett
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby Boba Fett » Wed Apr 07, 2010 5:33 pm

lta wrote:I know people keep saying that your LOCI should be 1 page max...but...

What if I really, truly, have 2 pages worth of desperation?

Maybe I should move to 11pt font... :oops:


fxd

lta
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby lta » Wed Apr 07, 2010 11:30 pm

Boba Fett wrote:
lta wrote:I know people keep saying that your LOCI should be 1 page max...but...

What if I really, truly, have 2 pages worth of desperation?

Maybe I should move to 11pt font... :oops:


fxd


truth.

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soonergirl
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby soonergirl » Thu Apr 08, 2010 12:01 am

lta wrote:I know people keep saying that your LOCI should be 1 page max...but...

What if I really, truly, have 2 pages worth of info?

Maybe I should move to 11pt font... :oops:


yikes. keep in mind that this is a reflection of your judgment and confidence, too. Don't overdo it.

Bailarina08
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Re: can you read a paragraph of my LOCI?

Postby Bailarina08 » Thu Apr 08, 2010 9:43 am

Anyone want to give input on mine as well? I'm thinking this will actually be the whole letter, since it's just a follow-up to a longer letter I sent when first waitlisted:

"I'm writing to reiterate my interest in attending the XXX Law School.

I enjoyed the time I spent on campus in March, and was thoroughly impressed by the students, the professors, and the resources that XXXX University provides. I was originally drawn to the school because of the curriculum and location; my visit has only reinforced my sense that the XX is the best school for me. Although I'm fortunate enough to have offers from other schools, the XXX University remains at the top of my list, and I would not hesitate to accept an offer of admission.

I hope that you will consider my application if spots become available in the entering class. "




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