As I write this letter I think back to the moment many months ago when I spritzed my application with electronic scent and entrusted my confession of love to the internet. At the time I thought that nothing could be more painful than your scorn.
My worst fears were realized, Berkeley, when you rejected me without even seeking out your family's advice. Yet, I have since learned that there are crueler ways to treat a tender heart. Fourteen schools have not even had the courtesy to respond to me. They do not call, they do not write - for over a month none of them has even looked at my application.
So thank you, Berkeley. Thank you for having the kindness and mercy to tell me how you truly feel. Your letter was so sweetly worded that I scarcely felt that I was being rejected. It reminded me again of why I fell for you in the first place. Yes, we CAN be friends, Berkeley. In fact, I heard that you are having a party in a few weeks... oh but of course, that is for admitted students. Well, perhaps the next weekend?