Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said that you had wanted me to apply
I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely without your VCE
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the ding, always the ding
So when you found that I could not get in
Well you said that I could still be held
I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your staff collect my records
But just look at my numbers
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the time you had me UR
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you would let me know
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on some YPs that you used to hold

But you didn't have cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your staff collect my records
But just look at my numbers
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Dear Columbia,

After four months together, I hate that it has to end this way. I feel so confused and alone, a feeling that can only be expressed by pop song:



Good luck with your new 0Ls.

Sincerely,
Someone you have all but rejected

Dear ASU,

After spending 5+ years, giving you over $100k, and waiting for months and months for a decision, I'm a bit hurt and saddened that you could betray me like this. The reason for my GPA hit was that I was trying to be a great ambassador for the university by promoting its party image, and because of of my goodwill, I knowingly and willfully took a significant dive in GPA, all in the hope that I was doing ASU proud. Now, I see that you've used my benevolence against me, as it would hurt your attempt to climb in the rankings, in which you had to game your numbers pretty hard. We all know that you're no #26, but you were my #1 once. I'm sorry that it had to end like this, but now I may have a date with your hotter sister, U of A. At least I no longer have to worry about contracting VD from the girls at Manzy. Have fun getting your ass beat by Rich Rod's new and improved Wildcat offense and being at the bottom of the Pac-12.

Sincerely,
rwhyan

I'll add one for the end of the cycle:

Dear UVA,

I'm sorry you were too busy gaming the USNWR rankings to actually take a look at my application, but if you had actually read my personal statement, looked at my resume, or read my recommendations, you might have actually liked what you saw. Then again, maybe you wouldn't have. Or maybe I should've written a "Why UVA" statement; after all, we know you love it when prospective students kiss your pompous ass. But that, too, would've been pointless, considering your admissions guidelines look something like this:

-Above both medians: WL since student will choose a better school and an acceptance would hurt our yield (also it will make us appear uber-elite and selective)
-Above one median, below the other: WL and make them beg to get off
-Below both medians: AUTO REJECT. Huzzah, suckah!
-ED above one median, regardless of the other: AUTO ADMIT. FREE MONEYZ, HIGHER YIELD AND INFLATED MEDIANS FOR USNWR! WINNING.

In short, I'm glad you rejected me. I don't like softball. I don't want to wear a pink polo shirt to class everyday. And I especially don't want to sink to this level during admitted student days:

http://abovethelaw.com/2011/03/law-students-at-a-top-school-protest-continued-unemployment/

I'll add one for the end of the cycle:

Dear UVA,

I'm sorry you were too busy gaming the USNWR rankings to actually take a look at my application, but if you had actually read my personal statement, looked at my resume, or read my recommendations, you might have actually liked what you saw. Then again, maybe you wouldn't have. Or maybe I should've written a "Why UVA" statement; after all, we know you love it when prospective students kiss your pompous ass. But that, too, would've been pointless, considering your admissions guidelines look something like this:

-Above both medians: WL since student will choose a better school and an acceptance would hurt our yield (also it will make us appear uber-elite and selective)
-Above one median, below the other: WL and make them beg to get off
-Below both medians: AUTO REJECT. Huzzah, suckah!
-ED above one median, regardless of the other: AUTO ADMIT. FREE MONEYZ, HIGHER YIELD AND INFLATED MEDIANS FOR USNWR! WINNING.

In short, I'm glad you rejected me. I don't like softball. I don't want to wear a pink polo shirt to class everyday. And I especially don't want to sink to this level during admitted student days:

http://abovethelaw.com/2011/03/law-students-at-a-top-school-protest-continued-unemployment/

Rational, self-interested actors, bro.

Dear Indiana University Bloomington,

Reexamining my cycle I realized you never gave me an admissions decision, even though your admissions office seems to think I should see something on my status checker. You should know that when I pay your admissions fee, I am expecting something in return. I guess what I really want to know is, can I have my money back?

Thanks.

Dear Baylor,
Unfortunately, I will miss is next year's 20th anniversary to David Koresh's legendary barbecue.

Sincerely,
Zanzbar

Dearest Duke,

I know it has been awhile and that we agreed to a clean breakup but I am drunk on eggnog and must speak my mind. Before you came along with your big shiny books and flashy fee waivers I was content with tier 2. I was blissfully ignorant to all the t14s and the glories they hold. Now, I find myself before the bloodbath of rejections which January holds and I have you to blame.
You seemed genuine when you said you look beyond LSAT but that's was another lie. I have had three-ways which lasted longer than how long it took you to WL me. You and your forever video game suck. You totally missed out on me and my companion cube pillow.
May your children be blinded and mistake draino for koolaid.

Sincerely,

FH