Post
by unc0mm0n1 » Wed Mar 02, 2011 2:39 am
Transcripts from my interview with a local Chicago TV station about a recent spat I had with the University of Chicago over them denying me entrance into their law school, I thought it might be appropriate for the Ding Bar.....
Chicago you seriously don't want me? Haha U of C is for losers and i'm addicted to winning. When I took the LSAT the run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, all the others look like droopy-eyed, armless children. It was epic. I'm sorry that you can't handle my mystic powers. I got magic and I got poetry in my fingertips. You missed out because every plan I have is the best plan in the room. You say I should have written a why Chicago? That is your path. I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren't special. People who don't have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. I will not write a LOCI, those are for people who aren't special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not special. I'm tired of pretending like I'm not bitching, a total fricking rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out, they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain. I don't want your silly acceptance letter that'll say some thing like 'Don't be special, be one of us.' Newsflash: I am special, and I will never be one of you! I’m an F-18, Chicago, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground. Oh and please don't think this is some coked up response because I'm sad that I didn't get into your crappy school, I am on a drug but not coke – it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body. I like NYU better anyway.
After getting wind of this interview, they later decided to cancel my application for the rest of the cycle.