androstan wrote:legalprincess wrote:Dear SMU,
I admit, at first, I thought we were meant to be. After all, we both loved George Bush. We both loved warm weather. We both drove BMW's and spray tanned, and wore lots of Ralph Lauren...well, actually you were a school, so you couldn't drive, shop, or spray tan, but deep down, I knew that if you were a person, you would have. When I applied to you, I knew that you were everything I ever dreamed of, and I hoped that you would realize that really, I was everything you dreamed of, too...even if my numbers did imply that some of that spray tan goop had gone to my brain.
Apparently, though, you're into "smart" people now.
First of all, smart people don't buy BMW's when they've never had a job, so really, be careful what you wish for, you Harvard of Dallas! Secondly, my cousin went to you for UG. He came back gay. Initially, I chalked that up to coincidence, but really, as a good republican, that's not a risk I want to take. Thirdly, as much as I love my heated leather seats, spending two hours a day trying to drive 10 miles really is not my idea of a good time...even if I do get to play a game of vehicular Frogger with a few hobos along the way when I try to make it into other parts of the city.
Really, I'm cool with staying in the SEC. After all, we get to cheer for real football teams. Besides, if I'm going to be unemployable, I might as well be unemployable without 200k in debt.
P.S. When I say “much love”, I mean it literally! If you’ll please move me from the “deferred for further review” pile into the super awesome “accepted” one, I promise, I will learn to drive in Dallas traffic for you!
This is excellent. The sarcasm is a little on the subtle side, because there are actually people out there who think this way, but none of them are on TLS.
The difference between this and Colbert is that you can see his facial expressions. That, and he usually says something *completely* off the wall as a tell.
+1 When I first read it, I thought it was a no-brainer for Ding Bar Post of the Day.