Shakawkaw wrote:The reason why frats perpetuate this kind of behavior is due to hazing and the whole hierarchical structure that are inherent in fraternities, among a whole host of other reasons. I should feel comfortable going to a party without being pressed up against the wall and having some guy force himself on me and make me drink a beverage I have no interest in consuming. I've been to frat parties where the punch was spiked with drugs. That's normal in frats and shrugged off as being okay, and that's a problem.
Shak you know I love you!
I agree with you that hazing and hierarchy are there in many fraternities and can definitely lead to shitty things, and I 100% agree with your point about intent—drugging punch is not okay and that was clearly intentional—and about comfort—you shouldn't have to be uncomfortable and I hope you don't feel like you have to stay pressed up against a wall, etc.—but I also don't think it's fair to go as far as you are in terms of almost implying causality between fraternities and "this kind of behavior."
That same culture isn't inherent to frats. Look at athletics or hell even the marching band. There's hazing on all levels, whether we're talking about professionals dressing up in drag or as big babies and doing errands or the real fucked up cases in HS where a group of kids shoves something up another kid's asshole, etc.
Shakawkaw wrote:I should feel comfortable going to a party without being pressed up against the wall and having some guy force himself on me and make me drink a beverage I have no interest in consuming.
This (though not quite so extreme) happens to me at the bar every time I go out. srs.
The last time I went out, I had one guy make comments about my ass, another grabbed it, a third started chatting me up about my jewelry like he was gonna snatch it off me and a fourth on the way to my car tried to put his arm around my waist.
These things have nothing to do with frats or the drinking age. Its a social problem.
^ what she said.
And sidenote: I've really become cognizant of what you're saying about how most guys act and when I go out I've really stopped like any of that. I always try to put myself in someone else's shoes and I can't even imagine just wanting to have fun with my girls and someone touching me or coming up to me and trying to ___ every 2 seconds. So like if I catch them staring I'll look at them and smile or something, but I really just kind of stopped approaching random women when I go out.
It's gotten to the point that sometimes women are either like "uhhh are you even interested? /gay?" or having spent the evening at a bar with my friends and not really talking to any women except the ones we came with, some girl will either come up and introduce herself and buy me a drink/offer to or like just come up and start dancing on me or kissing me, etc.
What's the happy medium there?