LRGhost wrote:Ignore the idiot saying 'tldr don't do drugs lol'. I'd rather be a burnout with a chance at redemption than a boring striver who's afraid of the subway.
That said, dude, you're nowhere near being better. I have a friend in a similar situation, insomnia, all of that, and part of his problem is that he's not honest about his condition. He knows his sick and repeats his psych's diagnosis, but when it comes down to it, he blames his parents, his work situation, and all of these external influences for his episodes. Sure, they may not help, but what it comes down is that he's sick. And he can get better. And you're sick. And you can get better. But you need to acknowledge that you're sick. Talking about 'stress not affecting' you because of a philosophic existentialism, that's just dumb dude. You can go to sleep knowing it's all pointless and ashes to ashes and dust to dust and all of that, but when you're in it, you care. And that's the point people are trying to make. Can you handle law school or being a lawyer? I don't know. You don't know. But if you want to do it, by all means dude, go for it. But do get healthy and do recognize that self-imposed barricades preventing you from reaching that goal.
I'm serious, stress isn't a problem for me. I don't think my life or anything I do matters, so I don't have anything to stress about. All I want to do is do something I enjoy, find interesting, and that helps others, and I can achieve all three through law.
I'm not "sick." I'm watching my friend battle a rare form of cancer, and odds are she is not going to make it. I'm watching her wither away, I can't see her for weeks when she's getting treated, and she honestly looks awful. She is SICK. I'm not. Everything is pretty much me self destructing and being a dumb ass.
I agree I have some issues, but it's not debilitating. It's something I have to deal with, but I just need to find a better way to deal with it. I have an idea of what meds have and have not worked, and once this sleeping thing is resolved I'll feel a lot better.
That's a matter of getting set up with a good pysch, and I actually found one that specializes in dual diagnosis, which isn't that common, and I'm getting hooked up with them tomorrow. It'll take 2-4 months to figure out the meds, which will be plenty of time. I know what I did wrong last semester, so it's just continuing to put distance between me and my using friends.
I've been dealing with all these professionals for over 5 years, so I honestly do know at this point what to look for in a doctor, how many times to see them, what type of rehab program, how often to see my therapist, warning signs, etc;. I just need to put everything together at this point. I've always neglected one area, but I do honestly know what works for me.
fallingup wrote:Ignore the idiot saying 'tldr don't do drugs lol'. I'd rather be a burnout with a chance at redemption than a boring striver who's afraid of the subway.
Seriously? This is not what you tell an active addict. Not helpful. I'm sad for people who believe this dichotomy exists and drug use is what defines it.
I would really like OP to come back to this thread in a year and not recognize himself in his posts. His annoyance and excuses and shunting of the issues are trademark addiction. I have been down this road myself and rehab didn't so much as scratch the SURFACE. You don't understand how much you didn't see about your own addiction until years after it was over. (Truly over. As in, you don't think about drugs for months at a time.) Addiction has nothing to do with the DUIs, the legal run-ins, the psychiatrists, the medication regimens - it has everything to do with the mentality. The excuses, denials, and the self-destructive mental fixation on being a different person than sober people are.
This has nothing to do with the OP's original question which is whether a career in law is viable for him. I'm sure it is viable. I suggest the OP look into his state's bar requirements and speak to lawyers who have been through similar things. For my state, it says the following issues are basis for further inquiry of an applicant to the bar: unlawful conduct (including arrests where no conviction resulted), evidence of drug abuse/dependency, and, importantly, omission of relevant information on the application for admission to the bar. This is what it says about drug abuse specifically:An applicant who asserts rehabilitation from prior misconduct which bears adversely upon the applicant’s character and fitness shall be required to produce clear and convincing evidence of such rehabilitation, which may include but are not limited to the following elements:
1. Absence of recent misconduct
2. Strict compliance with the specific conditions of any disciplinary, judicial, administrative or other order, where applicable
3. Impeccable character and moral standing in the community
4. Good reputation for professional ability, where applicable
5. Sufficiency of the punishment including payment of fines and restitution made; including the restitution of funds or property, where applicable
6. Applicant's current attitude about prior offenses (acceptance or responsibility and renunciation of past wrongdoing and remorse)
7. Lack of malice and ill feeling toward those who by duty were compelled to bring about the disciplinary, judicial, administrative or other proceeding
8. Personal assurances, supported by corroborating evidence, of a desire and intention to conduct one's self in an exemplary fashion in the future
9. Applicant's constructive activities and accomplishments subsequent to the criminal conviction
10. Applicant's candor, sincerity and full disclosure in character and fitness proceedings
11. Positive actions beyond those one would do for self benefit including but not limited to working as a guardian ad litem, volunteering on a regular basis with shelters for the homeless or victims of domestic violence or maintaining substantial involvement in other charitable, community or educational organizations whose value system, overall mission and activities are directed to good deeds and humanitarian concerns impacting a broad base of citizens
12. Demonstration of the applicant's understanding of the responsibility to the administration of justice and the practice of law
Merely showing that an individual is now living as and doing those things that this person should have done throughout life, although necessary to prove rehabilitation, does not prove that the individual has undertaken a useful and constructive place in society. The requirement of a positive action is appropriate for applicants for admission to the bar because service to one’s community is an implied obligation to members of the Bar.
The Board will not consider witness testimony or evidence offered by a witness in support of the applicant on any issue listed above unless the witness has been fully informed of the misconduct before offering the evidence.
Basically, I suggest that the OP 1) do some serious introspection for the sake of his own health, 2) carefully document every single instance of legal trouble and subsequent rehabilitation and submit ALL of this information when the bar time comes, and 3) participate in some offsetting positive community activities that he can include on his application.
Few things are as annoying as recoverying addicts thinking they're qualified to give unwanted treatment and medical advice. I asked people to stop doing that, because I am actually see PROFESSIONALS for treatment and treatment advice.
I am not "making excuses" for my situation. I am citing the direct causes of them. I fluctuate between a lack of serotonin, natural levels, and an excess of it. Those changes directly result in actual, real, substantial mood alterations, which, according to extensive medical research, are most effectively treated using mood stabilizers, and other medications. Maybe you're one of those hard line AA/NA people who think you aren't truly sober if you're on pyschiatric meds, but trying to say an actual, chronic, incurable mental health condition is "just an excuse" and "annoys" you, is incredibly ignorant. Perhaps you're just old school and don't really believe in mental health conditions, but if there was some magical, non pharmacological way of treating my condition, why the fuck wouldn't I do that?
Going from a suicide attempt to hyper insomnia, uncontrollable racing thoughts and high levels of irritability within a 6 week span isn't fake, and it isn't fun. It's not some manufactured excuse to deny responsibility for my drug problems, but it would be idiotic not to treat the underlying cause for my addiction. Saying that's "an excuse" is honestly offensive.
I remember in high school my anxiety was so bad, even though I was cool with basically everybody in my class, I was so uncomfortable asking people to sit with them at lunch, I would either just go and sit in the library alone, go outside and smoke and listen to music in my car, or sit in a bathroom. I literally wouldn't call anyone on the phone, because my heart would race. I had panic attacks during class periodically. The depression was bad enough that I cut myself for months, sometimes would just have random crying spells at work or school, and alcohol, weed, pills, made it all manageable. I didn't feel crazy. In college all of those things were much easier to get, and socially acceptable.
I honestly wouldn't have done any hard drugs if I could manage my moods. Panic attacks, manic episodes, depression, suicide attempts, all that stuff is REAL for me. It's real for a lot of people. And it's crippling, it's debilitating at times, and it's hard to deal with. It's not like I just started using for shit and giggles. And that's why I basically went all in with opiates, and not stimulants or uppers.
I hate when people imply that citing mental health problems is eqivulent to "making up an excuse." Half of people with my diagnosis develop SUDs, and I've heard up to 75% of addicts meat the criteria for at least one mental health diagnosis. That whole mind over matter thing is a bunch of outdated, unsupported bullshit. If you really were that involved with recovery, you'd know that legitimate, successful treatment programs and centers are pushing to treat the underlying causes of addiction.
Sorry for that, but it irks me when people discount pyschiatric illness and say people are "too focused" on finding the right medications.
Trust me, I've lived with this for over two decades. I know if I could just control my moods, "snap out" of depression, or "just calm down" or "just go to sleep," I would. Anybody would if they could. Usually people don't choose to feel crazy.
I actually do a lot of community service, I've volunteered the past 10 years with the same organization. I worked in outreach and with at risk populations. I extensively researched my states bar before enrolling, and the Dean assured me I would pass last spring as long as I chilled out. The C&F said the situation isn't hopeless, and as long as the school didn't put stipulations on my return, I should be fine. I am going to consult with him after my trial.
My state is okay with addiction/mental health issues as long as they CURRENTLY are not an issue.
I have fully documented all of my mental health treatment, I have a record of every professional I have seen, and have a letter from the inpatient place in December for court (I will get one from my current rehab, my therapist confirming treatment, and the new pysch that I have an apt)/.