paratactical wrote:In today's financial economy and with the difficulties that young people are facing, it is absolutely backasswards and fucking retarded to suggest that a young, responsible couple not live together because of some antiquated notion of polite, correct living. Her parents should applaud her for having goals, a career and a serious relationship instead of suggesting such ergreious things as a "secret wedding".
First of all, assuming, like I have been, that we're talking about a stable family, I imagine the parents know more about the "financial economy" and its effect on their child than some pissant 22 year old who's been living on their dime up until last week, and is now certain that they have found a wonderful relationship with a SO who completes them.
Secondly, I am not saying the decision should be based on any notions of polite living. I am saying that regardless of the flaws in her parents' logic, they should show some respect.
This isn't her parents meeting an SO and determining that they're a sketchy person or that they rub them the wrong way, I would understand. However, a knee-jerk reaction based on their religion? A request to fall in line with their religious beliefs that shouldn't be binding on you? Show some respect meaning live as your parents want you to, or "pretend" to. Gotcha.
OP--if your girlfriend means a lot to you, move in with her, but assist her in putting up a front for a little while. And then you can give the ultimatum. She doesn't have to decide between you and her parents unless the parents put her in that position. It's their archaic lifestyle expectations or you, not the actual people.
As far as showing respect, (which is tossed around a lot by people who want to sound authoritative or have outdated notions of all sorts of things) the concept does not entail kowtowing to lifestyle demands....when...let's see...EVER. Show yourself some respect.
Show your parents respect by thanking them for raising you and visiting on Thanksgiving, and keeping in contact. If you're 22 or older, your parents aren't showing you respect. *Advice* is one thing, but *demands* are crossing a line. If they're using the power of the purse to dictate your lifestyle (and they're not in this case), that's their prerogative, but that's borderline manipulative/abusive.