Single Parenting during school

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JaLeCa
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Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Mon Dec 27, 2010 2:45 pm

I have a question which has been kind of bugging me during this entire application process...

Every school I have applied to is out-of-state, where I would have no familial support. I have a two year old, and my boyfriend decided he wants to stay in our current city. I would love to take my son wherever I get accepted at school, but I understand that would be difficult to manage (considering daycare plus having to study as a 1L). His dad would be happy to keep him in our current city.

Has anyone known of someone or been in a similar situation? I would appreciate any input on this.

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Mon Dec 27, 2010 3:45 pm

+1

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Ford Prefect
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby Ford Prefect » Mon Dec 27, 2010 4:00 pm

Not quite the same situation, but I understand your problem. I have two kids who live in different places; I'd like to go to school near at least one of them, but that might not be the case. It's going to be hard trying to find the time to get in meaningful visits with both of them during the school year.

I know that some schools have daycares that are accommodating. My daughter goes in around 8am and sometimes doesn't get picked up until after 5pm. Depending on your class load, that could give you time to study in the library between classes. If you're lucky enough to live close to the school/daycare, you'd still get several hours a day of time with your child. Depending on your relationship and your visitation agreement with the dad, you might also be able to work out a plan that gives you at least one full weekend a month for studying, and the possibility of him having the child for an extended time before and during finals.

I really think you can work it out. FWIW, I'd much rather have my kids with me and try to figure out how to get in study time than be apart from them and try to figure out when I'm going to be able to see them (in person).

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Mon Dec 27, 2010 5:32 pm

Thanks. I think I'm going to at least try. I know first year is supposed to be the worst, but I don't know if I could bear a year without him. I wonder how other parents manage.

mala2
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby mala2 » Fri Dec 31, 2010 2:49 am

I'm the single parent to a 3 year old. I know law school is probably harder, but I did my masters (online) while I was in the Army and taking care of an infant. It can be done, but it is hard to do everything well. Will your child be 3 when you start school? You could put him/her in preschool and daycare and schedule most of your studying for that time or right after the baby goes to sleep. You could do it, but that's all you'll do is school and baby, there really won't be time for anything else!

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:27 am

I've pretty much accepted the fact that I will have no social life. He will be 2 going on 3 and I know even finding a daycare out of state is going to be another hassle.

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Drake014
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby Drake014 » Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:36 am

JaLeCa wrote:I've pretty much accepted the fact that I will have no social life. He will be 2 going on 3 and I know even finding a daycare out of state is going to be another hassle.


I don't know how it works at every law school, but I know Berkeley offers daycare to parents.

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OGR3
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby OGR3 » Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:56 am

I would check with the admissions offices of each of the schools you're considering. I would imagine that there have been multiple students in a similar situation, and the offices could either direct you to the campus childcare facilities or connect you with 2L or 3Ls who had to find childcare.

Renzo
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby Renzo » Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:07 am

Drake014 wrote:
JaLeCa wrote:I've pretty much accepted the fact that I will have no social life. He will be 2 going on 3 and I know even finding a daycare out of state is going to be another hassle.


I don't know how it works at every law school, but I know Berkeley offers daycare to parents.

goddamn do I wish NYU did...

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chup
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby chup » Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:58 am

Moving this to the Law School FAQ forum. You might get better answers there.

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:50 pm

chup wrote:Moving this to the Law School FAQ forum. You might get better answers there.


Thanks

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Fri Dec 31, 2010 3:52 pm

Drake014 wrote:
JaLeCa wrote:I've pretty much accepted the fact that I will have no social life. He will be 2 going on 3 and I know even finding a daycare out of state is going to be another hassle.


I don't know how it works at every law school, but I know Berkeley offers daycare to parents.



That fact is spectacular. I didn't even think about checking. Can't wait until offices open.

kswalters
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby kswalters » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:16 pm

I am a single mom and I am applying to LS for the fall. I live in the same city as my parents and my whole support system. LS has been my dream for a very, very long time. However, there is no way in hell I would move away from my daughter. Period.

1) I would miss her terribly which would probably effect my performance in LS.

2) It is unfair to her for me to go away for a year, even if it is to fulfill my own dream.

I will go to LS if I am accepted to the school that is close enough to allow me to commute. If I do not get accepted, I won't go. I will find a different job and go about my life with my daughter. That is part of being a parent. You make the decision that is best for your child. End of story.

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:46 pm

kswalters wrote:I am a single mom and I am applying to LS for the fall. I live in the same city as my parents and my whole support system. LS has been my dream for a very, very long time. However, there is no way in hell I would move away from my daughter. Period.

1) I would miss her terribly which would probably effect my performance in LS.

2) It is unfair to her for me to go away for a year, even if it is to fulfill my own dream.

I will go to LS if I am accepted to the school that is close enough to allow me to commute. If I do not get accepted, I won't go. I will find a different job and go about my life with my daughter. That is part of being a parent. You make the decision that is best for your child. End of story.



I didn't say I was leaving him with a stranger. He would be with his father...his other blood parent. It would definitely be a temporary situation. Why wouldn't his best interests be at heart again? I'm trying to figure out where this steered into me being a monster.

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gov
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby gov » Sun Jan 02, 2011 9:58 pm

For what its worth, I would think that it would indeed benefit him if you become an attorney. I do understand that it would be difficult, but I can't see why it makes you a bad parent/"monster"; especially since he would be with his dad. I say if you have an opportunity at a school that will give you a significant boost in income, it would seem that going to law school would be in the best interest of your family.

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:07 pm

govorett wrote:For what its worth, I would think that it would indeed benefit him if you become an attorney. I do understand that it would be difficult, but I can't see why it makes you a bad parent/"monster"; especially since he would be with his dad. I say if you have an opportunity at a school that will give you a significant boost in income, it would seem that going to law school would be in the best interest of your family.


Thanks for that...

That's where my dilemma was... 1L is supposed to be the hardest year- considering you aren't even allowed to work over 20 hours during this time. I am not fortunate enough to be near my whole support system- not even now. I was planning on changing the situation after my first year if it even be necessary that we live apart. I didn't even view it as sacrificing his well-being to "pursue my own dreams".

kswalters
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby kswalters » Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:08 pm

I didn't say it would make you a monster or a bad parent. I just can't see how being away from his mother for a year would be beneficial. Even seeing him every few weeks would be hard. I'm sure his father is perfectly suited to keep him, but it would be better if he went with you. As a few others have said, studying might be more difficult but at least he would be with you.

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Pink
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby Pink » Sun Jan 02, 2011 10:12 pm

kswalters wrote:I didn't say it would make you a monster or a bad parent. I just can't see how being away from his mother for a year would be beneficial. Even seeing him every few weeks would be hard. I'm sure his father is perfectly suited to keep him, but it would be better if he went with you. As a few others have said, studying might be more difficult but at least he would be with you.


I'm sorry, but why?

OP: I think it's doable, but yeah, it'll be really hard. If you can find an at-school daycare that might be a good choice, otherwise I don't see the harm in a child being with EITHER parent full time while the other parent improves themselves. You should definitely consider the amount of stress being away from your child may cause though for you personally. Also, it seems logical that if you will have less time to spend with the child that your boyfriend keep him, rather than putting him in daycare for long periods of time.

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emhellmer
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby emhellmer » Mon Jan 03, 2011 1:46 pm

OP, that is an interesting question. I am a single mother as well, also with a two year old. I am in the same boat when I think about studying and caring for a toddler. Of course it won't be easy, but I'm sure that you are used to the lack of social life by now anyways ;-)

I understand that you want to look out for what's best for your child in the long run. However, please look into some of the literature on attachment theory before you leap. If your child is well attached to his father it may be fine, but I do understand that the maternal bond may be a little different (ie. no substitute). Perhaps I am mistaken, but I'd advise you to research it, because I do know that some psychologists might suggest that a seperation from his mother at such a young age could have a negative effect on his development. Like I said, I could be wrong, but please research this matter if you haven't already. Good luck!

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emhellmer
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby emhellmer » Mon Jan 03, 2011 1:59 pm

Oh, I'm also in the same situation. When I applied for schools I made "location" my primary determining factor. Basically, I looked at the cities, and thought "if I were to get hurt, who would take care of my child?" Luckily, I have a few very good freinds who would help me. I called them and asked about it. Then there is the obvious option of staying where i have family, which I don't care to do. I don't like the schools near my family, but I applied anyway. I think I may decide it is what is best for my daughter.

Anyway, some schools have comped childcare (someone mentioned Berkeley, which charges students something like $150 a month). UT also has a good daycare that is cheap for students. My plan is to take her to school in the morning and hit the books until I pick her up in the early evening, spend a few hours playing with her, feed her, put her to bed, then hit the books again. While I hate leaving her in daycare all day, she loves it, and she won't be spending anymore time away from me than she already does with my 9-5 job. Either way, I guess I'm urging you to consider the possibility that it might not be IMPOSSIBLE for you to take your son with you.

dchunny614
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby dchunny614 » Fri Jan 21, 2011 11:44 pm

I completely relate to you. I have a 3 year old who'll be 4 when I start LS in the fall which means he'll be ready for Pre-K in most states. I have been accepted to Georgia State and Cooley so far and my mom wants me to leave him in Florida with her for my first year. I know it would be best to leave him, but as a single mom, we are soooooo close and I think I'll die :cry:

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JaLeCa
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby JaLeCa » Fri Jan 21, 2011 11:54 pm

dchunny614 wrote:I completely relate to you. I have a 3 year old who'll be 4 when I start LS in the fall which means he'll be ready for Pre-K in most states. I have been accepted to Georgia State and Cooley so far and my mom wants me to leave him in Florida with her for my first year. I know it would be best to leave him, but as a single mom, we are soooooo close and I think I'll die :cry:


PM me, we have similar situations!!

katjust
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby katjust » Sat Jan 22, 2011 1:58 am

If you are single parent with a young child get a job and don't go to law school.

If you are seriously considering this just sign away your parental rights and leave the child with the person who really wants to take on the responsibility.

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doppelganger
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby doppelganger » Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:25 pm

katjust wrote:If you are single parent with a young child get a job and don't go to law school.

If you are seriously considering this just sign away your parental rights and leave the child with the person who really wants to take on the responsibility.



Where did OP say she didn't have a job? Also, why would getting a job (assuming she doesn't already have one) be better than law school for her child? Your argument is either baseless or nonsensical.

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Ford Prefect
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Re: Single Parenting during school

Postby Ford Prefect » Sat Jan 22, 2011 12:32 pm

katjust wrote:If you are single parent with a young child get a job and don't go to law school.

If you are seriously considering this just sign away your parental rights and leave the child with the person who really wants to take on the responsibility.


GTFO.




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