Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

(Please Ask Questions and Answer Questions)

Would it be a good idea for me to move in with my fiance?

Yes.
96
59%
No.
37
23%
Depends (explain in the forum)
30
18%
 
Total votes: 163

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ZachOda
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby ZachOda » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:00 pm

Well OP, have there been any other times where your parents have done this? Is this a pattern where they question your choices (maybe other boyfriends, or even your choice of law school, for that matter), or is the first time they've really put up a fight? Also, how do your parents think you can get married and then live apart until your boyfriend is "steady?" A long distance marriage? I'm going to have to stick with my first post though, and recommend that you stay long distance for at least your 1L so you can focus on networking and solidifying yourself academically. Maybe you'll find someone at your school. Maybe you'll find yourself to change while there. You never know what will happen. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is going to up and leave if you don't let him move in, so I would do some soul-searching. Especially since you've been dating him since the end of high school basically? Are you positive he is the one without searching further? Still, I owe no claim to any experience in counseling relationships, so who knows if my advice makes any sense

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dresden doll
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby dresden doll » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:31 pm

I second people who've said that it's an issue when a person doesn't stand up to parents in favor of a relationship that's supposed to last for life. There's nothing worse than momma's boys and girls, and I personally wouldn't tolerate anyone who couldn't stand up to their family for the sake of their engagement with me.

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dresden doll
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby dresden doll » Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:35 pm

SoftBoiledLife wrote:There is no such thing is "not having time for a relationship," even in law school. If someone says that, what they really mean is "I don't have time for a relationship with you." So keep that in mind. 1L is stressful, but many (if not most) people maintain relationships during law school. If you're going to deep-6 the guy, do it because you want to, not because your mom wants you to and is feeding you excuses. Otherwise, be glad that he loves you enough to move out with you and support you.


Also, this ^.

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lallygag
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby lallygag » Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:04 am

I agree with a lot of posters here that maybe your mom doesn't like your bf? or like where he's going in life? Maybe they think you could do better? I know my mom is ridiculously old fashioned and I know her heart broke a little bit when I moved in with my BF last year. I wasn't happy that I had to disappoint her like that, but she came around. Now she's even happy that the BF is moving with me to LS. (I think she just likes the idea that her "little girl" won't be alone and will be protected, lol)

Either way, if you love your guy and are committed to being engaged (aka soon-to-be-married) then you should really consider moving in with him. Living with your SO is an eye-opener and it might help clear up some doubts. Do what you think will be good for you AND your future husband. You didn't get pregnant the last four years, so just keep being smart about that.

Good luck!

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GobiasIndustries
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby GobiasIndustries » Fri Jun 04, 2010 1:56 pm

If you think you're ready for it, do it. Parents can "control" you until you move out/go to college/whatever. Then it's their job to just give advice and support you, no matter what, unless you're making incredibly stupid decisions (which you're not!). If they still try to tell you what do to and undermine your decisions for no reason, they're just being selfish and immature. Cut the cord, do what you have to do, and they'll catch up with you. I have some issues with this myself (my girlfriend's mom) so I can sympathize.

Just to be objective, though, a friend of mine dated her bf for about a year long-distance and then they moved in together. They broke up in less than two months, and it totally screwed her financially. Just realize you're going to have to commit to 1L AND the stress of living with a SO for the first time. It's challenging.

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James Bond
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby James Bond » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:03 pm

dresden doll wrote:I second people who've said that it's an issue when a person doesn't stand up to parents in favor of a relationship that's supposed to last for life. There's nothing worse than momma's boys and girls, and I personally wouldn't tolerate anyone who couldn't stand up to their family for the sake of their engagement with me.


Credited. Credited. Credited.

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trialjunky
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby trialjunky » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:18 pm

devilishangelrjp wrote:
scott88 wrote:These people like the OP always kill me. Why in the hell are you getting married when neither of you has seemingly been financially independent or on your own for a day in your lives? Really, engaged fresh out of undergrad? This isn't 1950 anymore. Spend some time out on your own, make your own way in the world, get your law degree, get started at a firm, and then start worrying about getting married. Sure, have a boyfriend or some type of more casual arrangement for the time being, but do you really want the distraction of marriage in your life? Most everyone else in law school is just worried about law school -- you'll be worried about a damn marriage. Not to mention, you really need to have some time to cut the cord from your parents.

It seems like a lot of you women just can't fathom life without a guy to hold your hand through it all. I promise, you'll be just fine. There will be plenty of time in your future to be married. In the mean time, I'm sure you can handle living in an apartment alone or with a "random" roommate. If you're this dependent on your boyfriend, is law school really your best option? Maybe teaching elementary school or something would be less daunting to you.

So yeah, my answer clearly is, no, do not move in with the fiance/boyfriend. It will be more of a clusterfuck than it's worth, and it will hinder your personal growth. Not to mention, then you will likely start thinking about popping out a few kids with this guy. Part of choosing to pursue a law degree and work a prestigious job is sacrificing some of this bullshit until you hit your 30s. There's only so much time in the day, and you'd tie up a lot of it with a spouse and/or kids.


You seem to know a lot more about me than even I do. Seriously, you have mapped out exactly how I think, and how I will think, and what my life aspirations should be, and how much of a challenge I can handle. Seems like a lot to get out of what I said. I never said anything about my boyfriend "holding my hand" nor do I think that pursuing a committed relationship and pursuing education are two mutually exclusive options.

I kind of respect where you're coming from though, even past the initial resentment I felt upon reading your (perhaps unnecessarily) hostile post.


I'm going to call this a flame...who responds like ^^ this to another poster pretty much calling you an idiot, immature person who needs to be a school teacher because you can't handle law school.


flame...just saying

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jdhopeful11
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby jdhopeful11 » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:24 pm

It all depends on what law school you are attending.

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Janus
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby Janus » Fri Jun 04, 2010 2:41 pm

I think you should move in together if you are really serious about this relationship. If not, then I think it is time to call it quits. If you move in together, it will become quite apparent whether or not you two are compatible and you will either get married or break up. ALL PROBLEMS SOLVED.

I agree with what a majority of the other posters have said that while you may be an adult by age, you're not really an adult until you start making decisions for yourself, standing up for those decisions, and then accepting the consequences. Sometimes people don't do this until their 30s, and other people never do it at all and constantly live under the vigil, guidance, and DIRECTION of their parents for better or for worse. Just break free!!! Just.do.it.

Edit: If your personality is really to be diplomatic and please everyone, one option would be to live alone first semester and get your feet under you and then have your fiance move in after the first semester. That way you will have your first semester of grades and a benchmark by which your mother can judge your performance since she likes to make judgements about how successful you've been as compared to how successful she thought you should have been. I actually think a lot of what your mother is saying is silly, which is to say that I agree with many of the other posters that she's not saying what she means. The downside to this is that you will have a higher upfront cost of living because you will need to live alone since I doubt you will find someone who wants to move out after one semester.

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devilishangelrjp
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby devilishangelrjp » Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:02 pm

trialjunky wrote:
devilishangelrjp wrote:
scott88 wrote:These people like the OP always kill me. Why in the hell are you getting married when neither of you has seemingly been financially independent or on your own for a day in your lives? Really, engaged fresh out of undergrad? This isn't 1950 anymore. Spend some time out on your own, make your own way in the world, get your law degree, get started at a firm, and then start worrying about getting married. Sure, have a boyfriend or some type of more casual arrangement for the time being, but do you really want the distraction of marriage in your life? Most everyone else in law school is just worried about law school -- you'll be worried about a damn marriage. Not to mention, you really need to have some time to cut the cord from your parents.

It seems like a lot of you women just can't fathom life without a guy to hold your hand through it all. I promise, you'll be just fine. There will be plenty of time in your future to be married. In the mean time, I'm sure you can handle living in an apartment alone or with a "random" roommate. If you're this dependent on your boyfriend, is law school really your best option? Maybe teaching elementary school or something would be less daunting to you.

So yeah, my answer clearly is, no, do not move in with the fiance/boyfriend. It will be more of a clusterfuck than it's worth, and it will hinder your personal growth. Not to mention, then you will likely start thinking about popping out a few kids with this guy. Part of choosing to pursue a law degree and work a prestigious job is sacrificing some of this bullshit until you hit your 30s. There's only so much time in the day, and you'd tie up a lot of it with a spouse and/or kids.


You seem to know a lot more about me than even I do. Seriously, you have mapped out exactly how I think, and how I will think, and what my life aspirations should be, and how much of a challenge I can handle. Seems like a lot to get out of what I said. I never said anything about my boyfriend "holding my hand" nor do I think that pursuing a committed relationship and pursuing education are two mutually exclusive options.

I kind of respect where you're coming from though, even past the initial resentment I felt upon reading your (perhaps unnecessarily) hostile post.


I'm going to call this a flame...who responds like ^^ this to another poster pretty much calling you an idiot, immature person who needs to be a school teacher because you can't handle law school.


flame...just saying


I didn't respond at all when you said it. Is that the response you prefer?

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devilishangelrjp
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby devilishangelrjp » Fri Jun 04, 2010 4:27 pm

ZachOda wrote:Well OP, have there been any other times where your parents have done this? Is this a pattern where they question your choices (maybe other boyfriends, or even your choice of law school, for that matter), or is the first time they've really put up a fight? Also, how do your parents think you can get married and then live apart until your boyfriend is "steady?" A long distance marriage? I'm going to have to stick with my first post though, and recommend that you stay long distance for at least your 1L so you can focus on networking and solidifying yourself academically. Maybe you'll find someone at your school. Maybe you'll find yourself to change while there. You never know what will happen. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is going to up and leave if you don't let him move in, so I would do some soul-searching. Especially since you've been dating him since the end of high school basically? Are you positive he is the one without searching further? Still, I owe no claim to any experience in counseling relationships, so who knows if my advice makes any sense


I ultimately chose to go to my mother's alma mater for law school, so no, she didn't question that choice. My mom and dad have historically given me credit for being the least impulsive of my siblings, so they haven't questioned my choices really because I look deep before I leap, so to speak.

I understand what you're saying. It's just that I've heard from friends already in law school that long-distance relationships are extremely hard to maintain on top of the workload. I'd rather not spend my me-time with a cell phone glued to my ear.

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trialjunky
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Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:41 am

Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby trialjunky » Fri Jun 04, 2010 6:27 pm

devilishangelrjp wrote:
trialjunky wrote:
devilishangelrjp wrote:
scott88 wrote:These people like the OP always kill me. Why in the hell are you getting married when neither of you has seemingly been financially independent or on your own for a day in your lives? Really, engaged fresh out of undergrad? This isn't 1950 anymore. Spend some time out on your own, make your own way in the world, get your law degree, get started at a firm, and then start worrying about getting married. Sure, have a boyfriend or some type of more casual arrangement for the time being, but do you really want the distraction of marriage in your life? Most everyone else in law school is just worried about law school -- you'll be worried about a damn marriage. Not to mention, you really need to have some time to cut the cord from your parents.

It seems like a lot of you women just can't fathom life without a guy to hold your hand through it all. I promise, you'll be just fine. There will be plenty of time in your future to be married. In the mean time, I'm sure you can handle living in an apartment alone or with a "random" roommate. If you're this dependent on your boyfriend, is law school really your best option? Maybe teaching elementary school or something would be less daunting to you.

So yeah, my answer clearly is, no, do not move in with the fiance/boyfriend. It will be more of a clusterfuck than it's worth, and it will hinder your personal growth. Not to mention, then you will likely start thinking about popping out a few kids with this guy. Part of choosing to pursue a law degree and work a prestigious job is sacrificing some of this bullshit until you hit your 30s. There's only so much time in the day, and you'd tie up a lot of it with a spouse and/or kids.


You seem to know a lot more about me than even I do. Seriously, you have mapped out exactly how I think, and how I will think, and what my life aspirations should be, and how much of a challenge I can handle. Seems like a lot to get out of what I said. I never said anything about my boyfriend "holding my hand" nor do I think that pursuing a committed relationship and pursuing education are two mutually exclusive options.

I kind of respect where you're coming from though, even past the initial resentment I felt upon reading your (perhaps unnecessarily) hostile post.


I'm going to call this a flame...who responds like ^^ this to another poster pretty much calling you an idiot, immature person who needs to be a school teacher because you can't handle law school.


flame...just saying


I didn't respond at all when you said it. Is that the response you prefer?



Quite Frankly...yes :wink:


I still think you're a flame.

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dresden doll
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby dresden doll » Fri Jun 04, 2010 6:51 pm

scott88 wrote:These people like the OP always kill me. Why in the hell are you getting married when neither of you has seemingly been financially independent or on your own for a day in your lives? Really, engaged fresh out of undergrad? This isn't 1950 anymore. Spend some time out on your own, make your own way in the world, get your law degree, get started at a firm, and then start worrying about getting married. Sure, have a boyfriend or some type of more casual arrangement for the time being, but do you really want the distraction of marriage in your life? Most everyone else in law school is just worried about law school -- you'll be worried about a damn marriage. Not to mention, you really need to have some time to cut the cord from your parents.

It seems like a lot of you women just can't fathom life without a guy to hold your hand through it all. I promise, you'll be just fine. There will be plenty of time in your future to be married. In the mean time, I'm sure you can handle living in an apartment alone or with a "random" roommate. If you're this dependent on your boyfriend, is law school really your best option? Maybe teaching elementary school or something would be less daunting to you.

So yeah, my answer clearly is, no, do not move in with the fiance/boyfriend. It will be more of a clusterfuck than it's worth, and it will hinder your personal growth. Not to mention, then you will likely start thinking about popping out a few kids with this guy. Part of choosing to pursue a law degree and work a prestigious job is sacrificing some of this bullshit until you hit your 30s. There's only so much time in the day, and you'd tie up a lot of it with a spouse and/or kids.


You could use to tone down your condescension. It's awfully, uh, 1950s.

Hookem09
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Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 7:47 pm

Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby Hookem09 » Mon Jun 07, 2010 7:56 pm

I don't want to sound like Dr Love or anything but from my experiences personally and through my friends I will tell you this:

1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.

2) No serious relationships that derail your dreams.

3) Dump your high school sweetheart.

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JerrySeinfeld
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby JerrySeinfeld » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:22 pm

Hookem09 wrote:I don't want to sound like Dr Love or anything but from my experiences personally and through my friends I will tell you this:

1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.

2) No serious relationships that derail your dreams.

3) Dump your high school sweetheart.


Good luck

Hookem09
Posts: 5
Joined: Mon Jun 07, 2010 7:47 pm

Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby Hookem09 » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:24 pm

JerrySeinfeld wrote:
Hookem09 wrote:I don't want to sound like Dr Love or anything but from my experiences personally and through my friends I will tell you this:

1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.

2) No serious relationships that derail your dreams.

3) Dump your high school sweetheart.


Good luck


Is it bad that I read that in your voice?

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James Bond
Posts: 2349
Joined: Sun May 31, 2009 12:53 am

Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby James Bond » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:33 pm

Hookem09 wrote:1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.


:roll:

09042014
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Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 10:47 pm

Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby 09042014 » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:40 pm

James Bond wrote:
Hookem09 wrote:1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.


:roll:


LOL your girlfriend is getting glowed by a bigger man.

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James Bond
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby James Bond » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:41 pm

Desert Fox wrote:
James Bond wrote:
Hookem09 wrote:1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.


:roll:


LOL your girlfriend is getting glowed by a bigger man.


:roll:

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JerrySeinfeld
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Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby JerrySeinfeld » Mon Jun 07, 2010 8:56 pm

Hookem09 wrote:
JerrySeinfeld wrote:
Hookem09 wrote:I don't want to sound like Dr Love or anything but from my experiences personally and through my friends I will tell you this:

1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.

2) No serious relationships that derail your dreams.

3) Dump your high school sweetheart.


Good luck


Is it bad that I read that in your voice?


:roll:

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trialjunky
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Joined: Thu Jan 07, 2010 6:41 am

Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby trialjunky » Fri Jun 11, 2010 6:28 am

Hookem09 wrote:I don't want to sound like Dr Love or anything but from my experiences personally and through my friends I will tell you this:

1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.

2) No serious relationships that derail your dreams.

3) Dump your high school sweetheart.


QFstupidity and no real life experience

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TCScrutinizer
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Joined: Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:01 pm

Re: Boyfriend moving with me to law school...bad idea?

Postby TCScrutinizer » Fri Jun 11, 2010 6:46 am

trialjunky wrote:
Hookem09 wrote:I don't want to sound like Dr Love or anything but from my experiences personally and through my friends I will tell you this:

1) There is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If they aren't in the same zip code, they are nothing more than a booty call.

2) No serious relationships that derail your dreams.

3) Dump your high school sweetheart.


QFstupidity and no real life experience


On the contrary, I would expect advice like this coming from someone who had a high school sweetheart that wanted him to change his life for her and then fucked around on him when they tried to long-distance.

In regards to the OP, she should be an adult and do what she thinks is best. I'm not sure the relationship is going to be a success--four years together and four years living together are completely different situations. Also the fact that you have to ask the internet is indicative of some pretty serious immaturity in regards to either this relationship, your relationship with your mother, or both.

But I would have him move in and see how it works. Your mother is entitled to her opinion, but eventually you're going to have to grow up and go your own way.




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