CalBar3Day wrote:Officially giving up. I've taken this damn test too many times and I just can't do it anymore. Between the money, the stress of studying, taking, and waiting, I am defeated. I thought this was it this time. I just think about how much time and money I invested into this including the debt I accrued for law school, the multiple times I paid for the test, and a tutor (twice), and my heart is broken. This is all I've ever wanted and I am repeatedly told by the California bar examiners that I'm not good enough. Worse, the embarrassment of telling the people I work with that once again, I can't pass a test when they have me doing all the same work as all of their associates. My family is devastated because now we don't have any clue as to how I will ever put a dent in my student loans based on my current salary. Woke up three times last night in tears and I still can't manage to face the day without feeling like a failure.
I am lost, defeated, devastated, and mad as hell. California will never let me be an attorney. It's over.
Let me offer some different advice - you should give up.
Not because you failed x number of times, or you're devastated because you failed, but because you want to rail against the bar and California for "not letting you be an attorney."
I can say all of this because I was in your EXACT same shoes. All of it. Explaining to colleagues whom I felt I had a better understanding of the law that I failed sucked. The finances of taking this thing again sucked. But most of all, the stress of trying to study everyday with the anxiety weighing over me. It was rough.
But I didn't give up. I didn't blame the bar. It was me. That's it.
To all who failed it's my opinion that it's not your place to blame anyone but yourself. Your tutor, law school, Barbri, and definitely not the bar. Your job is to pass and then entertain those thoughts. Until then, worry about your job of getting past the finish line. That's all.
Calbar, I don't want to be harsh or to kick you when you're down. After all, I can 100% relate to your post. (I was there 1 year ago). But now I'm an attorney who deals with asshole opposing counsels who want to screw over my clients, coworkers who act like pricks, and even my own clients who think they know better than me even when they acknowledge they are paying me for my advice and that they are acting irrationally.
So should I just blame them and not do my job? Give up and quit? Close my office door, disconnect my phone and hide? (Seriously considering this after just writing it). No.
My point is this. For you (and the rest) who says that "this is all you ever wanted" I say bullshit if you're considering quitting. I'm sure it would be nice and you would like it, but for you (and the rest who failed) you're going to have to pay a special price for it. And that price is thinking of this thing in terms no less than war.
That means a lot to different people. Some need to work harder. Armenianbeauty just posted something I related to as well - I said screw you to everyone's plan including my tutors. I did what I needed to do to pass.
I have a friend who just passed his 4th attempt. His resolve was admirable.
I won't comment on how the test will change in July or chances or whatever. All I'll say is that to pass you need determination. You need to say no matter what I'll figure this out. Not, if I fail a couple of times I'll move on. For me, I saw no way out but passing. That's when I passed.
It's your choice.