At what point am I supposed to have a life?

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goodkoala
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At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby goodkoala » Fri Jan 23, 2015 8:34 am

So this appears to be my timeline:

    -Apply to schools next cycle (Age 25)
    -Start law school Fall 2016 (Age 26)
    -Graduate Spring 2019 (Age 29)
    -Work long, exhausting hours in BigLaw to pay off student loans for 3-5 years, until I leave to work somewhere with more manageable hours (Age 32-34)

My question is, as a woman, when am I supposed to have kids? Wait until I'm 34?! That sounds terrible. I can't imagine being pregnant during law school, but I also don't imagine being pregnant as a new associate is a great time either, even if my fiance is able to work from home.

Any female lawyers or law students on these boards willing to offer perspective/advice? Obviously perspective/advice from male lawyers welcome too.

Thanks!

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romothesavior
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby romothesavior » Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:36 am

What have you been doing the last few years? Presumably you've taken time off of college and used some of that time travelling and enjoying life.

Law school is really not that awful unless you let it be. I had a blast in law school, met some great people, did some traveling, etc., and still did well a academically.

As for kids, I'll leave that to the folks who have them, but I'll just add that I know people who had kids in law school or shortly thereafter. It's doable.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:42 am

There's no "good" time to have kids, so you do it when you feel compelled apart from what's going on at work. Some people have kids during law school - at least your schedule is flexible. Some as an associate - many firms have great maternity leave options. You just have to decide which has the most pluses/least evils for you, personally.

(also, plenty of people have kids at 34.)

Or you don't take out loans/don't go to biglaw to begin with. Those are options, too.

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mephistopheles
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby mephistopheles » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:11 am

this is exactly why women are a dangerous hire

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Icculus
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby Icculus » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:13 am

A woman I work with is 28 and is a third year and can't wait to have kids so she can "get the fuck out of here for 18 paid weeks."

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chem
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby chem » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:23 am

3L baby is a very real phenomenon. Many attorneys that have taken this route have highly recommended it.

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UnicornHunter
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby UnicornHunter » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:24 am

goodkoala wrote:So this appears to be my timeline:

    -Apply to schools next cycle (Age 25)
    -Start law school Fall 2016 (Age 26)
    -Graduate Spring 2019 (Age 29)
    -Work long, exhausting hours in BigLaw to pay off student loans for 3-5 years, until I leave to work somewhere with more manageable hours (Age 32-34)

My question is, as a woman, when am I supposed to have kids? Wait until I'm 34?! That sounds terrible. I can't imagine being pregnant during law school, but I also don't imagine being pregnant as a new associate is a great time either, even if my fiance is able to work from home.

Any female lawyers or law students on these boards willing to offer perspective/advice? Obviously perspective/advice from male lawyers welcome too.

Thanks!


I don't think 34 is considered very late to have kids these days. Not much else to say besides that Nony is absolutely right. There's never going to be a convenient time to have em. This is true for life in general.

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mephistopheles
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby mephistopheles » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:31 am

Icculus wrote:A woman I work with is 28 and is a third year and can't wait to have kids so she can "get the fuck out of here for 18 paid weeks."



a stunning indictment

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Ron Don Volante
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby Ron Don Volante » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:43 am

:lol:

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:52 am

mephistopheles wrote:this is exactly why women are a dangerous hire

And this is why lawyers are assholes.

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mephistopheles
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby mephistopheles » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:54 am

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
mephistopheles wrote:this is exactly why women are a dangerous hire

And this is why lawyers are assholes.



hey, if by asshole you mean someone who calls it like it is, ill take it.

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bjsesq
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby bjsesq » Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:55 am

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
mephistopheles wrote:this is exactly why women are a dangerous hire

And this is why lawyers are assholes.

Why you always gotta take the bait

goodkoala
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby goodkoala » Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:08 pm

romothesavior wrote:What have you been doing the last few years? Presumably you've taken time off of college and used some of that time travelling and enjoying life.



No, I totally have. I guess I meant more of "When do I have kids?" When I was 22 and fresh out of undergrad, it felt like I had plenty of time to figure things out. Now that I'm mapping out the future, I'm like, "Oh, shit."

I definitely did not know 3L babies were a thing.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:10 pm

bjsesq wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
mephistopheles wrote:this is exactly why women are a dangerous hire

And this is why lawyers are assholes.

Why you always gotta take the bait

Because some things are worth saying. I find the whole "ironic" sexism/oh-I'm-just-BAITING-you thing deeply stupid. But point taken.

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bjsesq
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby bjsesq » Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:13 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
bjsesq wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
mephistopheles wrote:this is exactly why women are a dangerous hire

And this is why lawyers are assholes.

Why you always gotta take the bait

Because some things are worth saying. I find the whole "ironic" sexism/oh-I'm-just-BAITING-you thing deeply stupid.

Well, then, take some time to read through Meph's posts. He's doing a dwil derivative shtick since his return. One of us can do something about it.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:13 pm

Oh, I know.

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FSK
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby FSK » Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:21 pm

The age thing is literally the only advantage of my K-JD status.

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romothesavior
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby romothesavior » Fri Jan 23, 2015 12:22 pm

mephistopheles wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
mephistopheles wrote:this is exactly why women are a dangerous hire

And this is why lawyers are assholes.



hey, if by asshole you mean someone who calls it like it is, ill take it.

This is an on topic thread, not a place for you to derail things with misogyny. GTFO or you're going to enjoy a vacation from TLS.

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kalvano
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby kalvano » Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:29 pm

If you're trying to plan kids, the answer is there is never a good time. Kids are a huge time suck and massive investment of energy and money, and about the only "good" time to have kids is probably after you've retired with $5MM in the bank.

Barring that, the correct answer is "whenever you're ready." Not whenever work will allow you to, but whenever you and your significant other decide the time is right. While 34 isn't too old at all, that would make you over 50 when he or she graduates high school, and in your 40's during the really active time in their childhood. While you aren't old, you won't have the energy you do now to keep up with kids. So if you want kids, recognize that no time will be the perfect time and go for it when your relationship is ready for it.

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fats provolone
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby fats provolone » Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:33 pm

puppies are cute but they're too much work. adopt an 11 year old

kaiser
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby kaiser » Fri Jan 23, 2015 1:38 pm

There will never be a "good" or "convenient" time for it. Contrary to what people may tell you, no one can have it all. Something has got to give somewhere or other. Honestly, its something to do whenever you personally feel ready. If you are tryingt to plan it out for some convenient point in your career, you are in for a disappointing surprise when that gap or convenient moment never arises.

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ashca2014
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby ashca2014 » Sat Jan 24, 2015 8:09 am

This question has occurred to me as well...but ultimately, I decided not to worry about it. Life happens when it happens.
Personally, I'm not even sure if I want kids. If I meet someone, fall in love, and decide to start a family at some point...that's how things were meant to turn out I guess. I do think family is important, and it might be good to put my pesky nurturing/maternal instincts to good use. But if not, then I can take comfort in the fact that I'm not contributing to our plant's overpopulation and depleting natural sources. Plus, the women in my family tend to get morbidly obese after having kids. There is also the family problem of addiction and crippling depression (makes for some exciting teen years, though!).

But seriously...don't focus on that; you have plenty of time to make decisions about kids and all that. Focus on what is before you right now. Life has a way of falling into place. :)

shock259
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Re: At what point am I supposed to have a life?

Postby shock259 » Sun Jan 25, 2015 12:43 pm

2L or 3L is going to be the best time. Definitely not for your first few years of biglaw.




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