jbagelboy wrote:I'm moving to NYC with my SO. Excited and scared. I get how tough it is.
However, I would never, ever post about breaking up with her on an anonymous forum. That's an intensely personal decision that would depend on factors entirely removed from law school.
It sounds like you are trying to compute how the relationship would impact your law success, and how you could best use it to your advantage/avoid disadvantage. Stop now. This isn't an empirical exercise, and if it is, you should re-evaluate who you are as a person. After 4 years, it should be relationship > professional achievement. If it's not, you shouldn't be in that relationship.
I don't blame you for questioning -- I do too -- but it's totally unfair to him that you would go behind his back and post this here. It's dishonest. Think about how he would feel if he read this? after 4 years together? I would be crushed.
+ 1 to this. You sound like a feeling human being.
OP, it's good that you are not going behind your SO's back, that you have talked about this, and have as you say an empirical personality. And you asked for people with similar experiences, so I'll share. My now fiance and I applied to law and medical school together and began both together. When I read your posts, I had these thoughts.
1. 1L changes you as much as you let it. If you get really into the law school thing - joining a zillion clubs, going to all the bar reviews, doing a lot of group studying, etc. - your life will look less and less like your SO's, you will have less and less to relate between yourselves, it will get hard. If, on the other hand, you look at law school as a job - someplace you go during the day and occasionally in the evening for a discrete event or journal meeting - but as only one part of your life, it works better. You have to make hard barriers around parts of your life to keep those parts alive. People make the mistake of thinking that unless they commit every waking moment to thinking, breathing, drinking, and everything else law, they will fail at school. Such thinking does little to help 1L success and eats at every other aspect of life.
2. If your SO will not be actually in med school - you said he's starting, so I assume that means he's got out his primaries, is hearing on secondaries and/or waiting on MCAT score, and will be doing interviews through fall - is he going to have something consistent to do where you are? The law/med thing works with a trick - both people are super busy, so no one resents anyone and no one has time to miss anyone. If both people are not equally busy, they start to resent each other. Will you resent your spouse for not being as stressed out as you are? Will he resent you for going to a group cite check when you haven't spent any quality time together in days? Only you can answer those.
3. What's the plan for once med school starts? I ask because you should know now. Like, right now. Not figure it out later. Now. You have a few ways you can go:
a. SO only applies to schools near where you are and is fine going to those schools.
b. You and SO are fine with years of long distance.
c. SO will apply broadly and you will break up if he goes far away and stay together if he stays close.
a. is risky and may or may not be possible, especially depending where you go to school. If you are really interested in staying together, then c. is a set up for a 1L year relationship and life destroying argument where you want SO to go to the nearby school that he doesn't actually want, and he wants to go to his top choice that isn't where you are.
So if you are really wanting to stay together and are okay with b, go with that. If you basically don't care whether you are together long term and that IS ACTUALLY HOW YOU BOTH FEEL - not how just one of you feels, not how you think you ought to feel, not what you kinda sorta feel because that's comfortable - then try c.