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A forum for applicants and admitted students to ask law students and graduates about law school and the practice of law.
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Rory19
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Postby Rory19 » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:46 pm

Edit: Thank you everyone for sharing.
Last edited by Rory19 on Fri Jul 19, 2013 2:07 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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Ludo!
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Ludo! » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:50 pm

If you are even thinking about breaking up that's probably not a good sign. For what it's worth anecdotally my girlfriend moved with me across the country when I started law school and we made it through just fine. We got married right after graduation

rad lulz
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby rad lulz » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:55 pm

Ludovico Technique wrote:If you are even thinking about breaking up that's probably not a good sign. For what it's worth anecdotally my girlfriend moved with me across the country when I started law school and we made it through just fine. We got married right after graduation

This

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ManoftheHour
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby ManoftheHour » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:57 pm

rad lulz wrote:
Ludovico Technique wrote:If you are even thinking about breaking up that's probably not a good sign. For what it's worth anecdotally my girlfriend moved with me across the country when I started law school and we made it through just fine. We got married right after graduation

This

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Monochromatic Oeuvre
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Monochromatic Oeuvre » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:59 pm

A four-year relationship >>>>>>>> Law school anything

Keep some perspective.

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Tom Joad
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Tom Joad » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:00 pm

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:A four-year relationship >>>>>>>> Law school anything

Keep some perspective.

Not even engaged.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:12 pm

If you think you're likely to want to break up with him during 1L, does it matter whether he's there with you or long distance? Either way, you're going to end up dealing with a breakup during 1L.

(FWIW, law school didn't make the slightest bit of difference to my own relationship. Of course, we're married and I'm as old as dirt, so that probably makes a difference.)

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Nammertat
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Nammertat » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:15 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:If you think you're likely to want to break up with him during 1L, does it matter whether he's there with you or long distance? Either way, you're going to end up dealing with a breakup during 1L.

(FWIW, law school didn't make the slightest bit of difference to my own relationship. Of course, we're married and I'm as old as dirt, so that probably makes a difference.)


FWIF I actually think law school helped my relationship with my wife. Something about solidarity + learning to see the other side of an issue = success.

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Samara
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Samara » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:16 pm

Nammertat wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:If you think you're likely to want to break up with him during 1L, does it matter whether he's there with you or long distance? Either way, you're going to end up dealing with a breakup during 1L.

(FWIW, law school didn't make the slightest bit of difference to my own relationship. Of course, we're married and I'm as old as dirt, so that probably makes a difference.)


FWIF I actually think law school helped my relationship with my wife. Something about solidarity + learning to see the other side of an issue = success.

Also married before law school and it had a positive effect. I'd guess it probably depends on how strong your relationship is.

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untar614
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby untar614 » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:25 pm

wait it out for a bit. If he gets into med school (a real one, no caribbean schools), stay with him. If not, dump him and hang around georgetown's medical school to find someone new.

c3pO4
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby c3pO4 » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:39 pm

you sound like you are just looking for an excuse to break up, go for it and blame it on law school. sounds like a good way out. FWIW i know people who got engaged in law school / married after (or even during, or even had kids) and plenty of couples where one moves with the other while they are in school (or did long distance for a year or more until things could work out). if you know it's for the long haul, this is the type of shit that you do in a relationship (sacrifice/support). if you're going to break up other stressful things will cause it. maybe law school pressures end up being the symptom but they aren't the cause my friend.

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Balthy
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Balthy » Fri Jun 21, 2013 8:46 pm

Rory19 wrote:However, I also have heard that law school changes you and you meet a lot of new people who may shift the type of person you want to spend your time with.



I think this is true all throughout life.

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Lwoods
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Lwoods » Fri Jun 21, 2013 10:37 pm

Ludovico Technique wrote:If you are even thinking about breaking up that's probably not a good sign. For what it's worth anecdotally my girlfriend moved with me across the country when I started law school and we made it through just fine. We got married right after graduation


Yep. I got divorced fall of 1L year (shortly after our 4th anniversary). Coincidentally, my ex is a doctor, too. Law school didn't kill my relationship, though; nor did med school or residency. I suspected the morning after my wedding I'd made a horrible mistake. It was a bad match, and law school doesn't allow time for bad matches masquerading as committed relationships.

Good relationships, though, tend get stronger in law school because you have someone there to console you in the bad times and celebrate with you in the good times.

If you don't think your relationship is worth a little distance and stress, then you might want to evaluate it now, before school starts.

Ti Malice
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Ti Malice » Sat Jun 22, 2013 1:59 am

Rory19 wrote:However, I also have heard that law school changes you and you meet a lot of new people who may shift the type of person you want to spend your time with.


Anyone who says that is an immature douchebag with little or no self-knowledge. Maybe you'll feel this way if you've done nothing but attend school since kindergarten and have also never done anything interesting in your life.

My concern is what if he moves out there with me and I realize I'd rather be doing this solo and then I am dealing with a bad breakup during school. Does anyone have any anecdotal experience and advice?


This entire post just screams dissatisfaction with your relationship. If after four years together, these are the questions you're asking and the concerns you're dealing with, then simple inertia is the primary reason you're still in the relationship, and you're wasting your time and his. Break up now and (a) save yourself the trouble of dealing with the drama during 1L, and (b) save him the pain in the ass of following you somewhere only to have you do what you're obviously going to do.

09042014
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby 09042014 » Sat Jun 22, 2013 3:19 am

LOL at law shrews, just lol.

Jacques_Bentley
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Jacques_Bentley » Mon Jun 24, 2013 10:37 pm

The fact that you even asked this question here means you should just break up now, IMO. Save yourself from going through more pain down the road.

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sinfiery
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby sinfiery » Mon Jun 24, 2013 11:46 pm

I wish you added a poll. Some people are just really loud but may not be what the consensus agrees is the proper action.

This is your future husband, gotta do things correctly when making this decision.

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Winston1984
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Winston1984 » Tue Jun 25, 2013 12:27 am

I'm shocked no one said to retake and ED UVA..

Hutz_and_Goodman
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Hutz_and_Goodman » Tue Jun 25, 2013 12:31 am

Ludovico Technique wrote:If you are even thinking about breaking up that's probably not a good sign. For what it's worth anecdotally my girlfriend moved with me across the country when I started law school and we made it through just fine. We got married right after graduation


Reading what you wrote, 100% this is not the person for you. Don't waste any more time than you have to.

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jas1503
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby jas1503 » Tue Jun 25, 2013 3:04 pm

Rory19 wrote:This may seem like an entirely inappropriate place to pose this question but I wanted to hear from current and former law school students about this topic.

My significant other and I have been together for four years and have lived together for three. I am getting ready to move across the country for school while he is in the process of applying to medical school. He wants to come with me, for at least this first year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EghvqQyFgQM




...Just had an AD moment.

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Cobretti
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Cobretti » Tue Jun 25, 2013 3:43 pm

jas1503 wrote:
Rory19 wrote:This may seem like an entirely inappropriate place to pose this question but I wanted to hear from current and former law school students about this topic.

My significant other and I have been together for four years and have lived together for three. I am getting ready to move across the country for school while he is in the process of applying to medical school. He wants to come with me, for at least this first year.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EghvqQyFgQM




...Just had an AD moment.

+1 for season 4 love

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Rory19
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Rory19 » Tue Jun 25, 2013 4:22 pm

OP here, thank you everyone. Sometimes its difficult to get objective insight into major life decisions when everyone in your life is invested in the outcome in one way or another. I was looking for some wisdom and life experience and my inbox certainly had some great messages of support. I promise to stop writing "Dear Abby,..." topics on TLS.

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BuckinghamB
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby BuckinghamB » Wed Jun 26, 2013 2:31 pm

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Last edited by BuckinghamB on Sat Oct 05, 2013 1:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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jbagelboy
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby jbagelboy » Wed Jun 26, 2013 4:23 pm

I'm moving to NYC with my SO. Excited and scared. I get how tough it is.

However, I would never, ever post about breaking up with her on an anonymous forum. That's an intensely personal decision that would depend on factors entirely removed from law school.

It sounds like you are trying to compute how the relationship would impact your law success, and how you could best use it to your advantage/avoid disadvantage. Stop now. This isn't an empirical exercise, and if it is, you should re-evaluate who you are as a person. After 4 years, it should be relationship > professional achievement. If it's not, you shouldn't be in that relationship.

I don't blame you for questioning -- I do too -- but it's totally unfair to him that you would go behind his back and post this here. It's dishonest. Think about how he would feel if he read this? after 4 years together? I would be crushed.

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Samara
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Re: Break Up or Stay Together

Postby Samara » Wed Jun 26, 2013 4:29 pm

jbagelboy wrote:I'm moving to NYC with my SO. Excited and scared. I get how tough it is.

However, I would never, ever post about breaking up with her on an anonymous forum. That's an intensely personal decision that would depend on factors entirely removed from law school.

It sounds like you are trying to compute how the relationship would impact your law success, and how you could best use it to your advantage/avoid disadvantage. Stop now. This isn't an empirical exercise, and if it is, you should re-evaluate who you are as a person. After 4 years, it should be relationship > professional achievement. If it's not, you shouldn't be in that relationship.

I don't blame you for questioning -- I do too -- but it's totally unfair to him that you would go behind his back and post this here. It's dishonest. Think about how he would feel if he read this? after 4 years together? I would be crushed.

Wut. This is a perfectly legitimate topic for this forum an one that has been discussed several times. Law school is a rare type of stressful experience and it makes sense to ask people who have been through it about the effect it can have on relationships.

And how is it dishonest?




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