So...Maybe its just people stressed because the semester is coming to the end. But ive had the experience this week of people getting mad at me for being realistic.

I need a second opinion about whether I am being a 'jerk' or if I am just being real....

Someone complained to me today about how they don't feel like they have enough direction on their memo assignments. I agreed and said that I wasn't satisfied with my "barely average" grade. I didn't say it directly or rudely at all I just said I know I could do better if I really understood what I was supposed to be doing.

The person snapped and was like whats wrong with being average. Keep in mind we go to a good school but its in the 30's rankings wise and I am realistic.

What I wanted to say was: I didnt take out 57k a year in loans to just be average and then not get a job and not be able to pay it back. Also, no I am not ok with being average. I dont think I am nearly the smartest person in the school at all. I just think I shouldnt have any attitude that being average is ok.

What I did say was: I just want to do better and make the hard work worth it. Or something similar. And that I had taken out a lot of loans and that I want to get the best job I can so I can pay them back. I just want to do the best I can.
Literally that was it. It was very generic and bland and very far out from what I wanted to say.

But it was like I had said something horrible. The person stormed off and left me feeling furious, and misunderstood.
I guess I just need some reassurance that I am not an a-hole.

I don't think you said anything wrong. There is something wrong with being average if you're satisfied with it. You made excellent points and you shouldn't be apologetic at all. I'm actually surprised the person didn't agree with you.

me too. I can understand her reaction if I was an abrasive person. But I keep my head down and my mouth shut in class. I have never raised my hand to ask a question once the whole semester.

The best part was- she told me that if I wanted to be not average I better start working harder. hahaha. As if she knew anything about my work habits at all.

God.. ok I'm a 0L so I haven't been in that kind of environment. But I hope to god most law school students aren't that sensitive when it comes to this. Even if you were a gunner in class, no one should hate you; they should be competitive and try to emulate you.

There is a difference between not being satisfied with your performance because you underperformed and not being satisfied with your performance because you did the best you could and people beat you. One is douchey and one isn't. I'll leave it to you to figure out which is which.

Its always possible she read something into your tone or that you were saying something about her own grades. Also, that we're only hearing one side of the exchange, haha.

But its probably a really rough time in legal hiring, and you brought up a sensitivie topic involved in all that when she was probably just worried about her own assignment (when she talked about her memo) and looking for some sort of reassurance. She might be hoping for average, you never know.

Too sensitive? Yes, but cut her some slack.

I said that exact same response when I got a midterm grade back. No one I mentioned that to was offended. I was confused... I did my best, yet I pulled out only an average grade while all my buddies were excited they had pulled out an average grade. I genuinely thought I had grasped the material, even better than my classmates based on class discussion. But, that did not convey in the midterm exam.

I'm in the same boat as you. Of course, only 10% can be in the top 10%, and most people are going to hover around average, but there are some people ok with that, and some people who aren't.

Reading between the lines, you may have told her you were unhappy with a grade that was better than hers or that you were unhappy with a grade that she consistently gets. In either case, she may have understood you to be characterizing her performance level as inadequate or dangerous, even if you weren't trying to make it about her.

She was already venting to you in the first place. If my speculation is right, then instead of letting her vent you unknowingly suggested she was headed for failure and financial ruin.

^^^^^ Yeeeep.

Women. Am I right?

I thought I was being really careful. Thats why I am so shocked. I was being sympathetic.

We haven't gotten any grades yet that we could refer to. I think the most direct thing I said regarding that was, that I didnt want to be at the bottom of the curve, but honestly who does. I wasn't saying that I was smarter or better or wouldnt be at the bottom. I just said I didnt want to be.

I think I should just give up. When I am being nice people get mad......

They didn't think you were being nice. None of this woe is me, crap. It was just a misunderstanding.

This.

Im not being woe is me. Im just sick of having to coddle people who arent being honest with themselves.

Im not a jerk, Im a nice person. And its like people are walking around here looking for a fight because they are stressed.

But I get what you are saying, that she obviously misunderstood me.

Yes, but you missed the, "don't get defensive" message I was trying to send too. I just wouldn't sweat it, or get upset. People usually get sensitive because of reasons you don't know.

Yes. It's so much simpler being a stupid, clueless clod. Plus, I have German ancestry so I'm part robot.

You can still be sympathetic without taking her list of worries and adding on your own. Am I way off-base to assume that you've never had a very long-term girlfriend?

She vented, and you increased the scope of things to worry about. Some people like commiserating, but this is a worry she shares with you. For the future, just agreeing and staying on the same topic would've been fine. Depending on context, she may have been fishing for a study buddy (rank speculation on my part).

You know I was kidding, right? And that I'm female?



Theres no need to make assumptions like this and use them as an odd attack.

Wait you were kidding? Because I am literally a Teutonic android who experiences a Spock-like level of emotions.

Sorry if my assumption came off critical or aggressive, OP. I just know that I knew next to nothing about women before my current long-term relationship. Now I know next to next to nothing.

Edit - I think my posts are like a magnet for you to diagree, pearalegal.

Sorry, earlier today I was told I was bitchy when I was trying to make a joke.

One thing I've learned since I got here is that three groups of people exist:

1) Want to finish top of the class.

2) Fine with finishing median.

3) Just want to pass.

People don't talk about grades for a good reason. It is a zero sum game. If you are upset you got an average grade then that implies you think you are smarter than your peers - which is generally seen as arrogant for obvious reasons. If she got a lower grade then you, then you're just rubbing it in. If she got a better grade than you, then you are basically telling her, "geez, wtf happened, I totally think I am smarter than you." If you both got the same grade, then all you did was add stress to her day with your comments about average not being good enough.

You probably aren't an asshole, just a high-functioning autistic. Don't worry, pretty much everyone in law school is, including the person who got angry at you because the same analysis goes perfectly in the other direction as well. Clearly this person thinks they are either smarter than you or work much harder than you and you are so focused on yourself and your own behavior that you don't notice their awful attitude.

I got completely bitched out at the beginning of the school year by a girl that was mad that I was looking at grade distributions.......I was just minding my own business and telling someone next to me that there is indeed a curve, even though the school doesn't admit it. Chick got completely offended and acted like I was a complete jerk for even THINKING about grades.

Edit: The really funny thing about it is now I see tons of people looking at the grade distribution charts....not so confident now that cruch time is coming, eh guys?

Haha. actually I am a girl! So no. I never have had a longterm girlfriend. But I am married. And generally think I am pretty good about these things. I let her vent. But then we started talking about other things and eventually came around to this. So I think we were pretty much clear of the her talking me listening part.

Just a 1L, but I think it's prudent to not even indicate the range your grade was in unless directly asked.......

Well there is your problem.

It probably is the problem. Guys seem to have a much less emotionally difficult time, or at least they haven't yelled at me and stormed off lately so.....