Having a baby during law school?

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TheBigMediocre
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby TheBigMediocre » Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:42 am

SmittyLaw wrote:thats kinda like bringing a baby to a movie theatre.


Yea, and the movie costs $120k

heyguys
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby heyguys » Fri Jan 22, 2010 11:49 am

Actually, doing it 3L year might make more sense than any other time--once you start working you'll be much busier, and 3L year is supposed to be pretty laid back.

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thuggishruggishbone
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby thuggishruggishbone » Sat Jan 23, 2010 6:02 am

I got my girlfriend (well, ex-girlfriend) pregnant, and i'm a 1L It is hard to focus when you are thinking of the baby, so my grades will probably take a hit this semester unfortunately. The ex was an older woman (32 years old-i'm 28), so she could not wait any longer to have a baby (she told me her biological clock was ticking fast--and then she left me at Christmas-sucks to be me). I know for me, this semester is rough as anything with the baby in the back of my mind, so I can only imagine what it would be like for a girl. Good luck

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beef wellington
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby beef wellington » Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:58 am

thuggishruggishbone wrote:I got my girlfriend (well, ex-girlfriend) pregnant, and i'm a 1L It is hard to focus when you are thinking of the baby, so my grades will probably take a hit this semester unfortunately. The ex was an older woman (32 years old-i'm 28), so she could not wait any longer to have a baby (she told me her biological clock was ticking fast--and then she left me at Christmas-sucks to be me). I know for me, this semester is rough as anything with the baby in the back of my mind, so I can only imagine what it would be like for a girl. Good luck


You sound very sensitive and compassionate, I bet you'll be a great dad. Good luck to you.

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heyyitskatie
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby heyyitskatie » Sat Jan 23, 2010 10:59 am

thuggishruggishbone wrote:I got my girlfriend (well, ex-girlfriend) pregnant, and i'm a 1L It is hard to focus when you are thinking of the baby, so my grades will probably take a hit this semester unfortunately. The ex was an older woman (32 years old-i'm 28), so she could not wait any longer to have a baby (she told me her biological clock was ticking fast--and then she left me at Christmas-sucks to be me). I know for me, this semester is rough as anything with the baby in the back of my mind, so I can only imagine what it would be like for a girl. Good luck



I'm sure you don't need anyone to say this, but I'm really sorry (about the situation, not the child, of course).

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gymboree
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby gymboree » Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:13 am

srb wrote:
littleboyblue wrote:
srb wrote:My Mom had a 2 yr old and a 4 yr old when she started law school, was pregnant with me when she graduated first in her class, and had me one month before the bar.

My Mom kicks ass.



your mom sounds kick ass. did she work after she graduated? what did she do?


Clerked for a District Court judge for a year, then began working at the firm she still works at right after that. She's a litigation partner at a big firm... and thank you!! She rocks.


I want to be just like your mom. I'm starting law school with a 4 yr. old and a 2 yr. old. Glad to hear the success story.

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antler
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby antler » Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:41 am

Sauer Grapes wrote:Interesting thread for me. I'll have been married a little over 5 years when I start LS. Having a baby will be a different situation for me, as I'm a guy so it'll obviously be my wife that literally has the baby. Still, I imagine I'll have a lot of time commitments as well as a lot of time I'll want to spend with family beyond so called "commitments."

For us, we are taking LS's locations into account more than I usually would. Being around family would be a big plus, but not necessary. Cost of living is a big thing though as is the cost of child care if we aren't around our retired parents since my wife will most likely be working through much of my law school.

Anyway, hope everyone in this thread that ended up having babies is doing well.


Wow. You and I are in very similar situations. I'll be married five and a half years when LS starts and our first baby is due 8/7. My wife and I are also taking location and COL into account far more than I had planned.

My sister made it through law school as a single mother, with four children (ages 6, 5, 3 and 1 when she started). Granted, she relied on our parents a lot (she lived with them), but she did it. And came out of law school with an OK class rank and a decent federal clerkship. Also, my parents-in-law had their second baby during my father-in-law's first week of classes at University of Chicago. My mother-in-law taught school in South Chicago while raising their two kids throughout school.

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goosey
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby goosey » Sat Jan 23, 2010 11:56 am

Im glad somebody started this thread. I am planning on starting this fall, and getting married either next summer (after 1L) or the december of 2L. Age is an issue for me as well--I'm in my late mid-twenties and I want more than two kids, as well as a career, so realistically, Id have to have one some time during law school. I'm going to be 30 when I graduate law school and I dont like the idea of having babies after 35.

I am not sure if it would be wise to get pregnant at the start of my career, but I figure that if somebody has a baby during 3L, they can work a solid 3 yrs before having another baby. This would space the babies apart and also give time to get a bit established. I also think you get more face-time with your baby as a student than working in a firm. Especially if you are part time at school.

It is probably important to have a lot of family support and be very efficient with your time. My mother-in-law will actually live one house down from me, so I think childcare will not be a problem. My mom will also live about 30 min away, so I am not entirely averse to sending the baby to my moms place Monday-Thursday during classes. I dont think it will be easy, but I think, like almost everything in this world, where theres a will theres a way.

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thuggishruggishbone
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby thuggishruggishbone » Sat Jan 23, 2010 4:56 pm

heyyitskatie wrote:
thuggishruggishbone wrote:I got my girlfriend (well, ex-girlfriend) pregnant, and i'm a 1L It is hard to focus when you are thinking of the baby, so my grades will probably take a hit this semester unfortunately. The ex was an older woman (32 years old-i'm 28), so she could not wait any longer to have a baby (she told me her biological clock was ticking fast--and then she left me at Christmas-sucks to be me). I know for me, this semester is rough as anything with the baby in the back of my mind, so I can only imagine what it would be like for a girl. Good luck



I'm sure you don't need anyone to say this, but I'm really sorry (about the situation, not the child, of course).


Thanks. Don't feel too bad--the ex is a selfish beyotch that only wanted a baby and uses people to get what she wants. I moved on and met another woman over the break, and it seems like we are a good match (we'll see if there's another baby on the way by the end of the year :). Anyhow, my main concern is about visitation, custody. Gonna have to take some courses in that before my law school career is up. Agh, I should be working on my legal writing crap...I know this semester I am gonna get rocked with all the drama in my life..

aria0901
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby aria0901 » Mon Feb 01, 2010 11:54 pm

I am pregnant and due to give birth 2-3 weeks before starting 1st year at law school. I am currently in the process of applying and cant decide if I want to go part time or full time. Anyone have any suggestions? I would like to go full time, as I am already 32 and dont want to be in school forever. I have a husband, a housekeeper and family nearby. I just dont know if I can handle full time with a newborn. Is there anyone out there that has had a baby right before starting law school? I would appreciate any advice.

thanks

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James Bond
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby James Bond » Tue Feb 02, 2010 12:09 am

I'd go part-time first. If you find yourself bored, you can always try to switch to FT.

kristela204
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby kristela204 » Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:10 am

First of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!

You should go part-time. If it is a day program then it is probably only two days per week and that is much more doable with a newborn. Since you are due right before law school (and most women deliver at least a week after their due date) it will be really hard to get used to having the baby in time to begin a full-time program. Even with a housekeeper there to take care of the baby, you will still be recovering physically and getting up with a baby every two to three hours through the night. If you need a c-section, there is additional recovery time involved and depending on when you deliver, that could be just a week before class. There is also the issue of breastfeeding to think about.

Give yourself some time to get used to motherhood and law school. Your performance your first year can set you up as you move forward and giving that bit of extra time might create a more positive foundation for you. Like the previous poster mentioned, if after the first year you want to take on more, take some summer classes and switch into the full-time program.

Either way, there is a lot to be excited about for you in this coming year.

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James Bond
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby James Bond » Tue Feb 02, 2010 2:15 am

PKSebben wrote:
What's wrong with having a kid in class? If it's quiet, no harm done. If it's loud, it gets permanently kicked out. (Is it impossible for infants to be reliably quiet for an hour and a half?) Bearing children sounds like enough of a pain as it is - no need to make it even harder for nothing.


Because it's not a nursery. It's law school. Even just having a baby in the class would distract the mother and therefore distract me. Screw that. I'd punch that baby.


punting is a better option

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Nazrix
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby Nazrix » Tue Feb 02, 2010 3:07 am

At our school (t20), pregnancy is considered a disability and entitles you to reasonable accomodations on things like exams/etc., I think you can get a note-taker too (when you miss class while pregnant, and maybe afterwards), you might get extra time on exams too, not sure. They sent an email specifically on this issue last week.

sundaynightdelite
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby sundaynightdelite » Wed Feb 03, 2010 5:34 am

Since when is it ok to pawn off your kids on your parents or parents-in-laws? I personally do not think I should have a child until me or my wife will be able to take care of it by ourselves without relying on others. I can see how it's nice to have a built-in babysitter once in a while, but I think that even considering the proximity of the grandparents to your house in deciding to have a child is egregious, and these people need to rethink their priorities.

Sorry to be harsh.

VincentChase
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby VincentChase » Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:32 am

I know in our Michigan summer starter class there are at least a few fathers, but no mothers that I'm aware of, of young children, like under one or two years old. That being said, I don't know how their grades are, so it's tough to judge whether the life-work balance is workable. For all I know they could all be way under median or way above or anywhere in between. It's hard to say, so without that data it's difficult to determine what kind of effect it has on people's classroom performance. I know you don't see them at too many parties and social events.

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Aeroplane
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby Aeroplane » Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:38 am

sundaynightdelite wrote:Since when is it ok to pawn off your kids on your parents or parents-in-laws? I personally do not think I should have a child until me or my wife will be able to take care of it by ourselves without relying on others. I can see how it's nice to have a built-in babysitter once in a while, but I think that even considering the proximity of the grandparents to your house in deciding to have a child is egregious, and these people need to rethink their priorities.

Sorry to be harsh.
Huh? It's not at all uncommon around the world for grandparents and/or other extended family to be caregivers, even primary during-the-day caregivers. It was the case in my family for years. I benefited from it in a lot of different ways. I'm not saying everyone has to do it or that it can NEVER be problematic, but I don't see the problem intrinsically.

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Notor
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby Notor » Wed Feb 03, 2010 10:43 am

Personally I don't think it is a good idea to have children/get married if you can't financially and emotionally support a spouse/kids. Why not just wait until LS is over and you have some type of job?

sundaynightdelite
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby sundaynightdelite » Wed Feb 03, 2010 12:08 pm

Aeroplane wrote:
sundaynightdelite wrote:Since when is it ok to pawn off your kids on your parents or parents-in-laws? I personally do not think I should have a child until me or my wife will be able to take care of it by ourselves without relying on others. I can see how it's nice to have a built-in babysitter once in a while, but I think that even considering the proximity of the grandparents to your house in deciding to have a child is egregious, and these people need to rethink their priorities.

Sorry to be harsh.
Huh? It's not at all uncommon around the world for grandparents and/or other extended family to be caregivers, even primary during-the-day caregivers. It was the case in my family for years. I benefited from it in a lot of different ways. I'm not saying everyone has to do it or that it can NEVER be problematic, but I don't see the problem intrinsically.


My picture of marriage is a man and his wife going off into the world and making it on their own. This is the time when the man leaves his parents or his apt. or whatever and gets his own place with the woman. This is when the couple does things together, w/o the help of anyone. I don't see raising a child as a burden to place on anyone except the parents.

bahama
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby bahama » Wed Feb 03, 2010 6:24 pm

Aeroplane wrote:
sundaynightdelite wrote:Since when is it ok to pawn off your kids on your parents or parents-in-laws? I personally do not think I should have a child until me or my wife will be able to take care of it by ourselves without relying on others. I can see how it's nice to have a built-in babysitter once in a while, but I think that even considering the proximity of the grandparents to your house in deciding to have a child is egregious, and these people need to rethink their priorities.

Sorry to be harsh.
Huh? It's not at all uncommon around the world for grandparents and/or other extended family to be caregivers, even primary during-the-day caregivers. It was the case in my family for years. I benefited from it in a lot of different ways. I'm not saying everyone has to do it or that it can NEVER be problematic, but I don't see the problem intrinsically.


If the grandparents are really ok with watching the kid basically all day for 3 yrs it shouldn't be a problem and could even have a lot of positive impacts like you experienced. Where the previous poster has a point is that this is asking for a tremendous amount from the grandparents (time, energy, financial) and should not be taken lightly or assumed as a given without a detailed understanding of exactly what the expectations of both the parents and grandparents are.

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James Bond
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby James Bond » Wed Feb 03, 2010 11:27 pm

amyLAchemist wrote:bougiest


Seriously?

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James Bond
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby James Bond » Wed Feb 03, 2010 11:30 pm

amyLAchemist wrote:
biv0ns wrote:
amyLAchemist wrote:bougiest


Seriously?


Oh, you know what i mean. I couldn't think of a better word for expensive-and-does-quality-learning-activities.


:P well you're obviously from Boalt

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mikeytwoshoes
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby mikeytwoshoes » Thu Feb 04, 2010 2:23 am

biv0ns wrote:
PKSebben wrote:
What's wrong with having a kid in class? If it's quiet, no harm done. If it's loud, it gets permanently kicked out. (Is it impossible for infants to be reliably quiet for an hour and a half?) Bearing children sounds like enough of a pain as it is - no need to make it even harder for nothing.


Because it's not a nursery. It's law school. Even just having a baby in the class would distract the mother and therefore distract me. Screw that. I'd punch that baby.


punting is a better option

Image

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truthypants
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby truthypants » Wed Feb 10, 2010 7:24 pm

Notor wrote:Personally I don't think it is a good idea to have children/get married if you can't financially and emotionally support a spouse/kids. Why not just wait until LS is over and you have some type of job?


job? after ls ite?

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gymboree
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Re: Having a baby during law school?

Postby gymboree » Wed Feb 17, 2010 9:56 am

Lots of people have kids in law school. UC Davis even has an on-site day care center for infants/babies.

http://www.law.ucdavis.edu/current/chil ... index.html

And, as someone with kids, I highly recommend living near family for support and the help raising them, whether or not you're going to law school. The children benefit from the family group dynamic, as do the grandparents. If your family gets on well then this can be a wonderful time for family growth and closeness. Communication is key. Having clear boundaries and expressed expectations mitigates the inevitable battles over parenting styles. Don't let the prideful attitude of "we'll do it all ourselves" stand in the way of asking for help.

Parenting is hard. There is just no reason to do it in isolation if you could have family support.

edit: I'm sure there are more examples of this other than UC's, but here's UC Irvine's fantastic childcare options, below. They even have playgrounds in and around the graduate family housing:
http://www.childcare.uci.edu/




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