Having a baby during law school? Forum

[fortissimo]

Since when is it ok to pawn off your kids on your parents or parents-in-laws? I personally do not think I should have a child until me or my wife will be able to take care of it by ourselves without relying on others. I can see how it's nice to have a built-in babysitter once in a while, but I think that even considering the proximity of the grandparents to your house in deciding to have a child is egregious, and these people need to rethink their priorities.

Sorry to be harsh.

Huh? It's not at all uncommon around the world for grandparents and/or other extended family to be caregivers, even primary during-the-day caregivers. It was the case in my family for years. I benefited from it in a lot of different ways. I'm not saying everyone has to do it or that it can NEVER be problematic, but I don't see the problem intrinsically.

My picture of marriage is a man and his wife going off into the world and making it on their own. This is the time when the man leaves his parents or his apt. or whatever and gets his own place with the woman. This is when the couple does things together, w/o the help of anyone. I don't see raising a child as a burden to place on anyone except the parents.

I agree with this, but this is colored by the fact that my uncle and aunt pawned my cousins off our grandparents and my grandmother subsequently ended up getting an ulcer and rheumatoid arthritis partly because she was so tired taking care of 2 toddlers. It is unfair to impose children upon people who have already done their duty raising children years ago and may be dissuaded from turning you down because you are family despite their own concerns. I think that sending your child to day care provides added benefits as well. Children are more likely to adapt to new surroundings and situations, are less likely to be spoiled, and learn how to socialize with other children.

[surenough]

I agree with this, but this is colored by the fact that my uncle and aunt pawned my cousins off our grandparents and my grandmother subsequently ended up getting an ulcer and rheumatoid arthritis partly because she was so tired taking care of 2 toddlers. It is unfair to impose children upon people who have already done their duty raising children years ago and may be dissuaded from turning you down because you are family despite their own concerns. I think that sending your child to day care provides added benefits as well. Children are more likely to adapt to new surroundings and situations, are less likely to be spoiled, and learn how to socialize with other children.

I don't agree with your post and the posts you quoted, because what you are all saying has no bearing on any reality. No one can just "pawn off" their kids on anyone. I am a parent myself and know a lot of parents. Everyone gets varied degrees of help. Some people have parents who take care of their kids full time, and they are able to attend law school full time. For others, the help is only available on the weekends, etc. Whatever the case may be, this is a highly individual decision that happens between willing parties. Generally, the people whose parents are able to help them full time, have parents who honestly want to help, have the health, have the ability (don't work). No one can force anyone to do anything they don't want to do. I think comments about how letting your parents help you full time is a terrible thing, are highly inappropriate, because you are just commenting on someone's family dynamic. It is like criticizing how much financial help you accept from your parents, or how often you spend time with your parents, etc. We all have different families with different relationships, with different capabilities, so although you personally, for moral or personal reasons, are not planning to rely on your family, there is no need to look down on people who will.

I think day cares are good, but they have their own negative aspects. They are expensive. They don't admits kids before 2. ( at least in my area). For the first year, it is very common for the children in day care to get sick a lot. When the child is sick someone has to take care of him. So if you think you'll just drop your child off in day care and from then on, you'll be totally free 9-6, you'll be in for a huge surprise.

[lt0826]

Since when is it ok to pawn off your kids on your parents or parents-in-laws? I personally do not think I should have a child until me or my wife will be able to take care of it by ourselves without relying on others. I can see how it's nice to have a built-in babysitter once in a while, but I think that even considering the proximity of the grandparents to your house in deciding to have a child is egregious, and these people need to rethink their priorities.

Sorry to be harsh.

Did you ever think that maybe one's parents really, really want to be grandparents as well. I have pressure from both my mom and from the in-laws asking when we plan on having kids. They WANT to help. My mom even said she'd move near me and help take care of the baby if I had one. That's hardly pawning off. Extended families and grandparents helping with childcare is very common in A LOT of cultures.

[engineer]

Honestly, I have been thinking of having a baby during law school as well. I just can't decide when the best possible time to impregnate someone would be. I am thinking right now would be best, because I would like to do a summer associates for a firm in Paris, and that way I can skip town before the birth, then I am planning on transferring so I would be pretty far away from my baby's momma. Oh yeah, I have this whole thing planned out.

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[NotMyRealName09]

......is a bad idea.

[Mattalones]

What about this one:
Plan for Fiance to have a baby my 2L year. She will be at a firm already (2nd yr associate).