Top Law Schools

Extension_Cord wrote:

sknight323 wrote:Torts prof: "If you guys won a settlement, I don't know what you would use it for. Like, bungee jumping, and sex tourism, probably."

Other prof: (talking about Getting to Maybe) "Yeah, all that IRAC and CREAC is real great...except, I prefer you get to the fucking answer."

Does getting to maybe teach you to write in IRAC effectivly?

Getting to Maybe criticizes IRAC. And CREAC does "get to the fucking answer"--the conclusion is the first sentence.

Torts prof: now what we have here is a great big box of duty!

Property prof: now just imagine these are polite, well-mannered KKK members that help little old ladies and orphans.

Contracts prof, talking about the barren cow case: my business is problem pregnancy cows.

Background: case about old woman sleeping and 15 year old boy having sex with her; talking about actus reus

Prof: What has to happen for her to get off?

Torts Prof: "1928 was an important year. Does anyone know why?"
Students: ... Finally someone raises their hand.
Prof: "Okay, why was 1928 important?"
Student: "You were born...?"
"Dude, you really shouldn't rely on blind grading that much, sometimes I cheat!"

Torts Prof. "I flunked out of rabbinical school. So I know some stuff about some stuff."

Torts again: Student is in the middle of being cold called and semi-freaking out (third day of class), his phone starts ringing loudly. He starts stumbling to silence the phone while continuing to answer the question.
Prof: "I bet if you were outside in the hallway, you would have silenced that phone in one second. Gotta love torts stress."


Crim Prof: "I know this is your favorite class- in the first week I gave you rape, murder, and cannibalism."

Crim again: "So, what did the court say about his previous interactions with this woman?"
Student: "He had sex with her in a whore house in Detroit, twice."
Prof: Laughing uncontrollably and blushing.... "Sorry, I spent all summer locked up with my kids watching PBS."


Legal Writing Prof: "I assigned you this book because I think it is a really good model for writing memos. But don't write memos the way it tells you to, it's wrong."

Another Legal Writing gem: "If I was dictator of the world, I'd burn all the Bluebooks. As it is, I just try to pretend it doesn't exist."


I had dinner at my Ks profs house with a few other students. Her husband walked in.
Ks profs husband: I'm glad you got to meet me before you took her for family law. In that class, I am the abusive, alcoholic husband and dead beat dad."
Ks prof: "Yeah, one time we were at a conference and a former student met him at the bar. When he introduced himself, the student said 'Hey, I know you. You're an asshole and I hate you.'

student: (discussing fontainebleau) there is no legal right to light and air
professor: what do you mean by that? I can put a paper bag over your head and that's okay?

1L here....

[discussing Alaska Packers Assn. v Domenico]
Prof. : Does anyone know why this case was in federal court?
[Prof explains fed. jurisdiction over Admiralty law]
gunner: Well I was thinking in terms of salmon since they swim upstream sometimes across state lines.

"In the end, you will be able to reward yourself for your toils with two letters: J.D."

Last year, our Con Law professor (who is about 90) was discussing Wickard and every time he said wheat he emphasized the H, just like in the Family Guy episode/wheat thins commercial. It was hilarious. I kind of miss 1L.

Contracts prof on 1L first semester finals: "It's like bugs hitting the windshield of a car on the freeway. And you are not the windshield."

CivPro prof: "There's this procedure of preparing a witness for a deposition, called woodshedding. And British lawyers think it's crazy, completely unethical. And I say, 'you look stupid in your wigs.'"

Same prof: "The only way I can figure that the second amendment has anything to do with individual gun ownership is if you assume the framers had ADD. They start off the sentence talking about state militaries...'a well-regulated militia being neccessary,' get distracted--SQUIRREL!--and totally change topics, 'right of the people to keep and bear arms."
(whether you agree or not, you gotta like a Pixar/UP! reference.)

From one of my summer class profs, whom my section named Professor Sassypants:

"I think they've said for sentences in their entire career that I agree with." (On Scalia and Alito)

"I could show you a menage a trois...three people GETTIN' IN ON...because there's no law against it."

"They got Nick Nolte to play Jefferson, and it was like being on crack."

"It was like a marxist day care center!"

"Jefferson would say, 'well, first of all, this is why Marshall is an asshole, and I've been telling you this all along.'"

Classmate: That's like in Dred Scott...
Prof. Sassypants: NOPE. NOPE. JUST NOPE.

"I have to wonder why Holmes is such a whiney little bitch. It’s like, dude. You’re a SCOTUS justice. You have a wife that loves you. You have the physicality of a horse. YOU GOT SHOT THREE TIMES, CUT OFF YOUR OWN FOOT, AND STILL LIVED TO 94! Give it a break, dude!"

"Thayer can justify it, but it's still a really chicken shit move."

"It’s like, 'I don’t have time for this! I don’t want to have a conversation about racism! It’s wrong! I’m gonna go for lunch, fuck off!' Hugo Black and I had that in common. and then they have “dirty movie day” at the SCOTUS. every other thursday. they’d go down in a basement."

"It's a badge of honor. Like...the number of women you've slept with. A three martini lunch. You know. Good stuff that a man's man does."

Classmate: It was because of the free love movement, right?
Prof. Sassypants: ...those were good times. *wistful expression*

"Yeah, I guess we'll do that exam thing tomorrow. I remember what you said about Prof. [other prof]'s exam, and I decided that I wanted to be him when I grow up. So gird your loins."

And last but not least:
"I cannot overemphasize how much I do not care about your opinions."

Civ pro prof going over Insurance co of north america v s/s hellenic challenger:

"And then the claims adjuster did something that probably got him fired: he lost it. Well, I guess that has a double meaning; what I meant is that he lost the summons and complaint."

Civ pro prof: "I remember when I went through law school. I don't know how you people can stand this."

Torts Prof this morning: "You're on the highway of life man! You get run over and hurt too bad"

Last year I had a prof. in an American Legal history class say the following when he was discussing Jefferson and his relationship with his slaves..."let's just say if you went to Monticello you woud have seen a bunch of mullato kids running around who looked an awful lot like Thomas Jefferson."

not funny but the greatest thing every from my con law prof

Be demanding about your legal educations. Ask for much and expect much. And at the same time, try to hold on to the fact that legal education is a privilege. Whatwe do with that is the true test of who we are? I'm not saying that all of you should go out and be povery lawyers, but use this education to go and do something that you love to do. Somewhere in the
mix here, I hope you find something you love. ...so enjoy, and have a nice life.

and a funny from by crim prof (a DA)

Sometimes it gets complicated, when multiple parties are involved in a complex
offence. I did a murder... I hope you know what I mean when I say things like that... *laughter* I
prosecuted a murder.

CivPro prof: "People have been asking me about the exam...is it open book? You can bring in anything except Professor [other CivPro guy]. Outlines, commercial outlines, hornbooks, religious objects... Because let's be honest. If it could actually help you, do you think I'd really let you do it?"