I could fill up an entire thread from my Legal Writing professor. Here's a few to get y'all started:
Professor:"Defendant said to the Plaintiff something like, 'Whoa, motherfucker!' That's right. You guys better get used to the word 'Fuck.' Lawyers say 'fuck' a lot. You gotta learn the language of the profession. Especially you girls. I had this one totally prim and proper girl working for me at the firm as an intern once...she wouldn't say a cuss word to save her life. By the time I was done with her, she was storming into my office saying, 'What the FUCK are you thinking!'"
Professor, on a case he handled: "There's this lady on the south side -- nice lady...I still talk to her today...but she's a little crazy -- anyway, she owned this restaurant and she took out a big loan from this bank to pay for renovations. But during the middle -- and she's got a lot of money -- she didn't like how the renovations were going, so she was like 'Tear it all down, I hate it.' So they just tore all the renovations down, and she didn't want to repay the loan to the bank. Of course, I was representing the bank. Anyway, she's crazy, but she's also very smart -- and I was questioning her on the witness stand, and I kept asking her questions and she kept making me look like an idiot. I looked like a total moron by the time I was done. When I sat back down, my partner Gordon whispers over to me (he's sitting on the other side of our client, but our client doesn't know what's going on) 'Do you need a donut?' I was like 'What?!' He said, 'Do you need a donut...you know...to sit on...because your asshole is bleeding.'"
Then in class the next week:
"I promise to cut down on the cussing, but when it's fact, like when Gordon said, 'Is your asshole bleeding?' then that's allright."