To socialize or not?

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BBrown8714
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To socialize or not?

Postby BBrown8714 » Sat Jan 25, 2014 1:51 am

Just finished my first semester... all As (A+ in civ pro!). However, I have found it incredibly difficult to create any meaningful relationships with my classmates. I'm in the evening program so I get that family/work commitments may get in the way, but still, it appears that not too many of us give a shit about creating friendships with one another. (There are some gunner-types who can be seen talking with lots of people, but most of us talk only with our neighbors, if that).

I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?

Thoughts? Advice?

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thesealocust
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby thesealocust » Sat Jan 25, 2014 2:45 am

Congratulations, you just prefaced a post on how to make friends (or whether it's worth making friends?) with your GPA.

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bearsfan23
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby bearsfan23 » Sat Jan 25, 2014 5:24 am

I'd say having a 4.0 (esp with an A+ in Civ Pro!) is more important than trying to socialize. If you ever get lonely, you can just stare at your transcript. Who knows, maybe your Torts grade will even have a drink with you! Don't get sucked into being one of those "gunner types" who actually talks to people. Keep your head in the books, this is law school!

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BaiAilian2013
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby BaiAilian2013 » Sat Jan 25, 2014 6:31 am

I've never heard anyone say you'll make your best friends in law school. Also, that sort of implies that either you failed to make lifelong friends in high school or college, or that you drop them like a stone for your law school friends. People do make friends, but I think a lot of people come in pretty set for best friends.

LSATNightmares
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby LSATNightmares » Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:47 am

I'll take your question seriously, unlike others. I think this is a question for you to evaluate based on your priorities. Do you have a spouse who needs attention? A child? Are you trying to transfer to another school? Are grades critical given the rank of the school? Do you suffer from anxiety? But don't give up at all on socializing. I would take the initiative and try to meet up with one person maybe once a month or something. You can set the goal. I say this, because I was one of those people who dedicated my first year to getting good grades, to my husband, and to recuperating from a surgery I had mid-way through my first year. I didn't develop any solid friendship as a result, and it made the remainder two years hard, especially since I moved to a new city without any friends or family. The thing is, it may look like others aren't really socializing, but they probably are. You may not be seeing it, but suddenly you may find yourself at a school where there are lots of cliques which you are not part of.

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Monochromatic Oeuvre
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby Monochromatic Oeuvre » Sat Jan 25, 2014 10:07 am

BBrown8714 wrote:Just finished my first semester... all As (A+ in civ pro!). However, I have found it incredibly difficult to create any meaningful relationships with my classmates. I'm in the evening program so I get that family/work commitments may get in the way, but still, it appears that not too many of us give a shit about creating friendships with one another. (There are some gunner-types who can be seen talking with lots of people, but most of us talk only with our neighbors, if that).

I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?

Thoughts? Advice?


Here's a thought: The people who are going out and talking with lots of people are normal human beings. A "gunner-type" is somewhere who debates whether human contact is getting in the way of his 4.0.

BeenDidThat
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby BeenDidThat » Sat Jan 25, 2014 11:24 am

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:
BBrown8714 wrote:Just finished my first semester... all As (A+ in civ pro!). However, I have found it incredibly difficult to create any meaningful relationships with my classmates. I'm in the evening program so I get that family/work commitments may get in the way, but still, it appears that not too many of us give a shit about creating friendships with one another. (There are some gunner-types who can be seen talking with lots of people, but most of us talk only with our neighbors, if that).

I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?

Thoughts? Advice?


Here's a thought: The people who are going out and talking with lots of people are normal human beings. A "gunner-type" is somewhere who debates whether human contact is getting in the way of his 4.0.


You should trust this guy. He knows what's normal. He's Patrick Bateman.

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Balthy
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby Balthy » Sat Jan 25, 2014 11:56 am

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:
BBrown8714 wrote:Just finished my first semester... all As (A+ in civ pro!). However, I have found it incredibly difficult to create any meaningful relationships with my classmates. I'm in the evening program so I get that family/work commitments may get in the way, but still, it appears that not too many of us give a shit about creating friendships with one another. (There are some gunner-types who can be seen talking with lots of people, but most of us talk only with our neighbors, if that).

I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?

Thoughts? Advice?


Here's a thought: The people who are going out and talking with lots of people are normal human beings. A "gunner-type" is somewhere who debates whether human contact is getting in the way of his 4.0.


Image

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chem!
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby chem! » Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:05 pm

Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:
BBrown8714 wrote:Just finished my first semester... all As (A+ in civ pro!). However, I have found it incredibly difficult to create any meaningful relationships with my classmates. I'm in the evening program so I get that family/work commitments may get in the way, but still, it appears that not too many of us give a shit about creating friendships with one another. (There are some gunner-types who can be seen talking with lots of people, but most of us talk only with our neighbors, if that).

I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?

Thoughts? Advice?


Here's a thought: The people who are going out and talking with lots of people are normal human beings. A "gunner-type" is somewhere who debates whether human contact is getting in the way of his 4.0.

There is definitely some truth in this. I'll add a bit, though.

I'm in an evening program, so I can relate to what you're are saying about the overall vibe, but how are you going about making friends? Are you outgoing or reserved? Are you waiting for people to approach you or are you making an effort to get to know others? Can you talk about anything but school and more importantly, do you listen to what others have to say? Remember that in a part-time program, there are going to be plenty of people who have lived and worked in the area for years and already have an established social group. There is probably a considerable age-spread across your section, too.

Time is something that many part-time students do not have in abundance, and any free time is probably going to be focused on family. I've made some friends, and try to socialize when I can, but my situation is such that I can't go out after class or on weekends most of the time. I'm also a quality, not quantity, type of person when it comes to my friends. Don't forget that many of your classmates are working full-time and can't drop that ball, either.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:07 pm

I hated the "you make the best friends of your life in law school" line, but that's because I was way older than the other students and was married and had a life and so on - for me, law school was a job, not a social scene. Lest I sound too grumpy, I did make friends and I did like my classmates a lot. But making friends in your early 20s is totally different from making friends later, and I didn't like the assumption that the early 20s model should be the norm or govern my life. If you're in the part-time program, you may just have a lot of classmates with attitudes like mine. And there are probably even fewer opportunities for making friendships even to happen.

And everything that chem! said.

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chem!
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby chem! » Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:10 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:I hated the "you make the best friends of your life in law school" line, but that's because I was way older than the other students and was married and had a life and so on - for me, law school was a job, not a social scene. Lest I sound too grumpy, I did make friends and I did like my classmates a lot. But making friends in your early 20s is totally different from making friends later, and I didn't like the assumption that the early 20s model should be the norm or govern my life. If you're in the part-time program, you may just have a lot of classmates with attitudes like mine. And there are probably even fewer opportunities for making friendships even to happen.

And everything that chem! said.

The bolded is so very true.

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jbagelboy
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby jbagelboy » Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:50 pm

BBrown8714 wrote:
I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?


No one says this about law school. You are thinking of college. Just be a normal human being and be sociable and friendly. And it's not like you lose all your high school, college, and work friends when you go to grad school either. Or at least, you shouldn't.

From what I can tell, people only become more disconnected from the university and its social atmosphere after 1L. So as far as "loosen[ing] up" is concerned, yes and no.

ETA: also huge congrats on the A's. Sadly, that's infinitely more valuable at this point than anything else.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:55 pm

jbagelboy wrote:
BBrown8714 wrote:
I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?


No one says this about law school. You are thinking of college. Just be a normal human being and be sociable and friendly. And it's not like you lose all your high school, college, and work friends when you go to grad school either. Or at least, you shouldn't.

From what I can tell, people only become more disconnected from the university and its social atmosphere after 1L. So as far as "loosen[ing] up" is concerned, yes and no.

Alas, one of the deans of my law school said this all. the. time, at almost every occasion where she was speaking to our class. (She was K-JD and went to one of the law schools located in a smaller town - think Durham/Charlottesville/AA/Ithaca rather than NYC/LA/Chicago, which I always imagine to foster more law-student-exclusive socializing - and I always wanted to tell her to stop projecting her own experience onto everyone else. But I'm touchy like that.)

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chem!
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby chem! » Sat Jan 25, 2014 12:59 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
jbagelboy wrote:
BBrown8714 wrote:
I feel like I'm missing out on that whole "you'll make your best friends- friends for life- in law school" experience. Does it get easier as we loosen up and move on beyond 1L?


No one says this about law school. You are thinking of college. Just be a normal human being and be sociable and friendly. And it's not like you lose all your high school, college, and work friends when you go to grad school either. Or at least, you shouldn't.

From what I can tell, people only become more disconnected from the university and its social atmosphere after 1L. So as far as "loosen[ing] up" is concerned, yes and no.

Alas, one of the deans of my law school said this all. the. time, at almost every occasion where she was speaking to our class. (She was K-JD and went to one of the law schools located in a smaller town - think Durham/Charlottesville/AA/Ithaca rather than NYC/LA/Chicago, which I always imagine to foster more law-student-exclusive socializing - and I always wanted to tell her to stop projecting her own experience onto everyone else. But I'm touchy like that.)

Yeah, somebody said that at our orientatation and I was all :roll:

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sublime
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby sublime » Sat Jan 25, 2014 1:10 pm

..

BBrown8714
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby BBrown8714 » Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:29 pm

Thanks for all the advice!

The reason, albeit not very tactful, that I opened with my gpa is to make a point: while I'm succeeding academically in law school, I fear I may not be succeeding in increasing my odds of landing a good job and making the most of my time in law school.

We are constantly told by upperclassman, alumni, and our deans that yes, grades matter a lot, but networking and building relationships may matter even more when it comes to landing a job.

So I'm under the impression that to maximize your career prospects, one must not just know the law, but also have relationships with many people in the legal field (current classmates included).

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:38 pm

Well, to give you maybe a more sympathetic response than my first one, 2L and 3L is when people tend to get involved in more collective/collaborative extracurriculars - clinics, moot court, mock trial, LR/journal (not as much working with other people until/unless you do a board position 3L, but it can create a little community) - so you interact with your classmates more/differently from sitting in class together. (Not sure how this will translate to an evening program, but some of it's probably still the case.)

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sublime
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby sublime » Sat Jan 25, 2014 3:44 pm

..

nebula666
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby nebula666 » Sat Jan 25, 2014 4:54 pm

This post was depressing.

NotMyRealName09
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby NotMyRealName09 » Sun Jan 26, 2014 2:28 am

If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Stay the course. If it helps, just view everyone around you as thieves trying to take your A's. No but seriously, what you seem to be saying is you haven't given a crap about socializing thus far and are wondering if you're short-changing yourself. You're not. Don't worry, once the first year is over, class rank stratification solidifies, and then you'll know who's worth knowing.

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brotherdarkness
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby brotherdarkness » Sun Jan 26, 2014 2:53 am

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Last edited by brotherdarkness on Sun Jun 29, 2014 4:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

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sublime
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby sublime » Sun Jan 26, 2014 2:57 am

..

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kd5
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby kd5 » Sun Jan 26, 2014 4:53 pm

Are you planning on practicing in the same legal market where you're attending school? If no --> socializing more/less is just personal preference.

If yes: Do you already have strong ties to the legal community in the area? If yes --> see above.

If no: Seriously consider reaching out to your classmates and getting to know them, even if that doesn't translate into any deep friendships.

At regional law schools, you can count on plenty of your classmates working in the local market, and if you plan to join them, you're going to want to at least socialize enough that they know you're a decent human being. Hopefully they'll even like you. This might not matter right away post-graduation, but it can definitely matter a few years later, for everything from referrals to recommendations to finding a place to land if your job disappears.

I think this is all true even if your goal is to work in BigLaw locally. You might not be happy (or very successful) at your first firm, and the more lawyers you know in the market, the easier it's going to be to move on to something else.

NotMyRealName09
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby NotMyRealName09 » Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:46 pm

brotherdarkness wrote:
NotMyRealName09 wrote:If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Stay the course. If it helps, just view everyone around you as thieves trying to take your A's. No but seriously, what you seem to be saying is you haven't given a crap about socializing thus far and are wondering if you're short-changing yourself. You're not. Don't worry, once the first year is over, class rank stratification solidifies, and then you'll know who's worth knowing.


You had me for the first few sentences, and then the bolded came... What an awful attitude to have!

Whether OP chooses to socialize or not is his prerogative and, given the importance of 1L grades, if being a hobbit helps him pull a 4.0 I'm certainly not going to urge him to change. However, should he choose to socialize, picking and choosing amongst his classmates based upon their class rank is disgusting. Grades do not determine one's worth.


That was subtle humor to point out the ridiculousness of worrying about socializing and "networking" when you're pulling down As. I didn't socialize one bit in law school (commuted to campus, was married, have enough friends, am introverted, etc.), and frankly it was an advantage - more time to study.
Last edited by NotMyRealName09 on Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Presidentjlh
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Re: To socialize or not?

Postby Presidentjlh » Tue Jan 28, 2014 4:50 pm

I am robot should I enter into platonic relationships with organic beings




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