Monochromatic Oeuvre wrote:I don't even want to do fun things anymore, and I feel disgusted by myself for that. None of the things I used to find fun seem like a good way to spend time anymore. I feel like I would be depressed if I had time to deal with that. I want this all to be over, or maybe to have never started. I want it to be ten years from now, or maybe ten years ago. Hell, I'd even settle for two days from now, or two days ago. Somehow now just feels like the worst possible time.
Hey bro, I've been in this place and I think A Nony is on point. This kind of time-shifting you're wishing for is exactly what I wiled away hours doing when I was wrestling with anxiety and depression. Depression doesn't always mean being weepy--the lack of interest and the procrastination you're describing are my two biggest symptoms. I know you feel paralyzed by the volume of things you have to do, but make #1 on the list finding a professional to talk with. Your school probably has someone or can tell you where to go.
In the meantime: one of the things that helps me break out of the anxiety/depression loop is writing out a list of the things I have to do the next day, broken into very small chunks. 50 pages is actually kind of a lot, so try breaking it down into a list like
"1) get up at x time
2) go to x class
3) read xyz case
4) eat breakfast
5) take a shower
6) eat lunch
7) read abc case"
etc. It sounds silly but it helped (still helps) me a lot. Also I've found if I put myself on a clock I work better--there's something called the Pomodoro method where you work solid for 25 minutes, take a 5 minute break, and then another 25 minutes of work.
In any event, I wish you the best. Reach out to a friend or a family member and don't do this alone.