bar prep and relationships

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Maxine Hong Kingston
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bar prep and relationships

Postby Maxine Hong Kingston » Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:14 pm

I realize that there's only 2 weeks or so left but is bar prep around this time a legitimate reason for not calling or is it a sign of no interest

this person does have a job guaranteed and a relatively easy state


oh and does online prep

DwightSchruteFarms
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby DwightSchruteFarms » Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:19 pm

Maxine Hong Kingston wrote:I realize that there's only 2 weeks or so left but is bar prep around this time a legitimate reason for not calling or is it a sign of no interest

this person does have a job guaranteed and a relatively easy state


oh and does online prep


Yes. Bar Prep is an absolutely legitimate reason for not calling a girlfriend. In fact, thinking otherwise makes me believe that you don't understand the immense significance of the last two weeks before the exam.

Then again, I feel like this a flame.

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shepdawg
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby shepdawg » Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:20 pm

It's just a sign that he doesn't value you as much as preparing for the most important exam of his life. Unless you're married, don't trip out about it. Call or sext him and make him some sandwiches.

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Bikeflip
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby Bikeflip » Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:29 pm

OP's GF or BF needs to run like fuck. Clingy people and teh bar? lawl.

OP's going to come back in a few years and say, "My SO would rather pay their loans instead of buying me things. Come on, my SO's on PAYE and my new car would only have a $1,200 a month payment! Does my SO hate me?"

kaiser
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby kaiser » Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:32 pm

These next 2 weeks decide whether or not his career even gets to begin (and that of course can affect one's trajectory for years, if not decades). I'd say its a legitimate reason to push personal relationships aside for all of 2 weeks.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:37 pm

The last 2-3 weeks of bar prep, preppers are certifiably insane. I couldn't go out at all during that time - not because I didn't think I could take an hour off, but because I could not. stop. thinking. about the exam, and I knew that it was POINTLESS to try to spend time with anyone other than my husband (who was stuck with me) or other bar preppers (which I didn't do because we'd make each other even more insane). Believe me, this person is doing you a kindness.

(Doesn't matter how easy the state is. Mine is easy, I way passed, and I had a job that didn't require me to pass. I still freaked out about it.)

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as stars burn
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby as stars burn » Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:53 pm

LOL. I'm sorry if this comes off as really mean because I'm super stressed out right now, but grow the fuck up. I LIVE with my husband who I have pretty much dragged through the mud during 3 years of law school and the past 2 months with bar prep with meltdowns/crying/incessant worry/mood swings, and he 100% understands. I have officially holed myself up in the bedroom, and, no joke, I put a sign up on the bedroom door that reads: "do not disturb" so he knows to leave me alone at certain times. As everyone else is saying, bar prep is absolutely miserable. It is all I can think about. I have not talked to or hung out with any of my friends or family in the last month. You need to understand that this exam is a BIG DEAL regardless as to whether the state is "easy." I've been with my husband for 10 years so I'm completely not up to par with the "dating" bullshit, but YES, BAR PREP IS A LEGITIMATE REASON NOT TO CALL. /endrant.

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BaiAilian2013
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby BaiAilian2013 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 2:29 pm

I sat my husband down last weekend and warned him that for the next three weeks I would neither prepare his dinner nor endeavor to eat mine in his presence. Then I left the room before he could argue.

meg5096
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby meg5096 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:04 pm

Bar Takers: Let's all breathe. Haven't gone out/left the house/spoken to people in a month? Jeez. Burnout is not your friend

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Bikeflip
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby Bikeflip » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:12 pm

meg5096 wrote:Bar Takers: Let's all breathe. Haven't gone out/left the house/spoken to people in a month? Jeez. Burnout is not your friend



There's a difference between going out and having an SO understand how important the bar is.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:15 pm

meg5096 wrote:Bar Takers: Let's all breathe. Haven't gone out/left the house/spoken to people in a month? Jeez. Burnout is not your friend

No one here has said they've done this. We're all talking about the last (upcoming) 2-3 weeks before the bar, no one said anything about not going out/leaving the house/speaking to people in the last month.

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unclepete
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby unclepete » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:16 pm

I agree that demanding attention is certifiably insane... but a "Hi! Pluggin away over here, hope your day is going well!" text takes, like, 4.6 seconds.

jdmonkey
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby jdmonkey » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:16 pm

According to the NY Times studying can be much more fun than you think.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/18/fashi ... l?hpw&_r=0

meg5096
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby meg5096 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:20 pm

[quote=] I have not talked to or hung out with any of my friends or family in the last month. [/quote]

Someone did say it. Ok maybe I was exaggerating with the not leaving the house part, but I wouldn't be surprised if that is also true for some. Just saying that even in the last couple weeks you need to make time for yourself and try to retain your sanity. At some point it is far more productive than actually studying imo

kaiser
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby kaiser » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:24 pm

unclepete wrote:I agree that demanding attention is certifiably insane... but a "Hi! Pluggin away over here, hope your day is going well!" text takes, like, 4.6 seconds.


of course. I didn't mean so extreme as to literally not have any contact for 2 weeks. I still give my GF a call at night to chat for a few min to take a break. But the convo is brief and I'm sure I often sound really irritated (since I usually make a call when the bar review is angering/frustrating me so much that I need to get up and do something else for a min)

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:27 pm

meg5096 wrote:
I have not talked to or hung out with any of my friends or family in the last month.


Someone did say it. Ok maybe I was exaggerating with the not leaving the house part, but I wouldn't be surprised if that is also true for some. Just saying that even in the last couple weeks you need to make time for yourself and try to retain your sanity. At some point it is far more productive than actually studying imo

You'll note that person also described herself as melting down/crying/worrying pretty much all through law school, so I assumed a certain degree of hyperbole.

And what I was saying is that it's really hard to take productive breaks in the last couple of weeks because you just can't focus on anything else, not that you shouldn't try. I'm not studying now; I took the bar 2 years ago, and fully believed in avoiding burnout/taking breaks. Your head is just in a terrible place in the last 2 weeks and there's not a whole lot you can do to avoid it. (I am not a worrier-about-tests - it just happens.)

Also, the fact that the OP created an account here to ask TLS this question rather than just raising it with the person in question (who is not described as a girl/boyfriend, spouse, or SO) suggests to me the OP's not exactly talking about a deeply established relationship.

c3pO4
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby c3pO4 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:28 pm

cut SO lots of slack! you have no idea how shitt bar prep is. although, iMHO the last two weeks are important but if you've been busting our ass since may these last two weeks will not make ore break you. (or so i hope!)

meg5096
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby meg5096 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:40 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:
meg5096 wrote:
I have not talked to or hung out with any of my friends or family in the last month.


Someone did say it. Ok maybe I was exaggerating with the not leaving the house part, but I wouldn't be surprised if that is also true for some. Just saying that even in the last couple weeks you need to make time for yourself and try to retain your sanity. At some point it is far more productive than actually studying imo

You'll note that person also described herself as melting down/crying/worrying pretty much all through law school, so I assumed a certain degree of hyperbole.

And what I was saying is that it's really hard to take productive breaks in the last couple of weeks because you just can't focus on anything else, not that you shouldn't try. I'm not studying now; I took the bar 2 years ago, and fully believed in avoiding burnout/taking breaks. Your head is just in a terrible place in the last 2 weeks and there's not a whole lot you can do to avoid it. (I am not a worrier-about-tests - it just happens.)

Also, the fact that the OP created an account here to ask TLS this question rather than just raising it with the person in question (who is not described as a girl/boyfriend, spouse, or SO) suggests to me the OP's not exactly talking about a deeply established relationship.


Actually I wouldn't assume any hyperbole at all lol. Seriously though I understand your points. I just try to give some small amount of hope that we will survive and it's not nearly as bad as we can make it out to be. I think in the middle of all the hard work we preppers sometimes really undersell ourselves as to how much we actually know. I'd be fairly confident that if everyone who has been prepping for the last two months and currently freaking out were to walk in to the exam room today, they would pass.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:45 pm

meg5096 wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
meg5096 wrote:
I have not talked to or hung out with any of my friends or family in the last month.


Someone did say it. Ok maybe I was exaggerating with the not leaving the house part, but I wouldn't be surprised if that is also true for some. Just saying that even in the last couple weeks you need to make time for yourself and try to retain your sanity. At some point it is far more productive than actually studying imo

You'll note that person also described herself as melting down/crying/worrying pretty much all through law school, so I assumed a certain degree of hyperbole.

And what I was saying is that it's really hard to take productive breaks in the last couple of weeks because you just can't focus on anything else, not that you shouldn't try. I'm not studying now; I took the bar 2 years ago, and fully believed in avoiding burnout/taking breaks. Your head is just in a terrible place in the last 2 weeks and there's not a whole lot you can do to avoid it. (I am not a worrier-about-tests - it just happens.)

Also, the fact that the OP created an account here to ask TLS this question rather than just raising it with the person in question (who is not described as a girl/boyfriend, spouse, or SO) suggests to me the OP's not exactly talking about a deeply established relationship.


Actually I wouldn't assume any hyperbole at all lol. Seriously though I understand your points. I just try to give some small amount of hope that we will survive and it's not nearly as bad as we can make it out to be. I think in the middle of all the hard work we preppers sometimes really undersell ourselves as to how much we actually know. I'd be fairly confident that if everyone who has been prepping for the last two months and currently freaking out were to walk in to the exam room today, they would pass.

I'm quite sure all you guys will pass. :D You're just going to be insane until you walk out of the exam, is all.

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as stars burn
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby as stars burn » Thu Jul 18, 2013 3:59 pm

meg5096 wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:
meg5096 wrote:
I have not talked to or hung out with any of my friends or family in the last month.


Someone did say it. Ok maybe I was exaggerating with the not leaving the house part, but I wouldn't be surprised if that is also true for some. Just saying that even in the last couple weeks you need to make time for yourself and try to retain your sanity. At some point it is far more productive than actually studying imo

You'll note that person also described herself as melting down/crying/worrying pretty much all through law school, so I assumed a certain degree of hyperbole.

And what I was saying is that it's really hard to take productive breaks in the last couple of weeks because you just can't focus on anything else, not that you shouldn't try. I'm not studying now; I took the bar 2 years ago, and fully believed in avoiding burnout/taking breaks. Your head is just in a terrible place in the last 2 weeks and there's not a whole lot you can do to avoid it. (I am not a worrier-about-tests - it just happens.)

Also, the fact that the OP created an account here to ask TLS this question rather than just raising it with the person in question (who is not described as a girl/boyfriend, spouse, or SO) suggests to me the OP's not exactly talking about a deeply established relationship.


Actually I wouldn't assume any hyperbole at all lol. Seriously though I understand your points. I just try to give some small amount of hope that we will survive and it's not nearly as bad as we can make it out to be. I think in the middle of all the hard work we preppers sometimes really undersell ourselves as to how much we actually know. I'd be fairly confident that if everyone who has been prepping for the last two months and currently freaking out were to walk in to the exam room today, they would pass.


LOL. I definitely was exaggerating a bit, but I'm also a work-a-holic, and I worry a lot. It's just things I can't help. I keep in touch with family and friends through brief texts and emails, but I like to stay away from people in person right now because I really just can't function without thinking about the test. My go to relief is the gym and running--we all have different outlets. But the greatest thing for me right now is that I have the most supportive and understanding husband who just knows me very, very well. I can't imagine having a new relationship going through all this, but OP does need to understand that it is a pretty serious test.

NotMyRealName09
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby NotMyRealName09 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 4:04 pm

This post is sad.

OP - if someone doesn't bother to call or text.....you know the answer but don't want to hear it. Unless he/she gave you the advance notice - "hey I won't be calling for the next two weeks, don't take it personal" - he/she sounds like a jerk/bitch, or at the least, doesn't think you are any sort of important enough to say "hi, so busy can't talk now please understand." Clearly you haven't been "dating" for long if you haven't just called and been like, "WTF?"

While the bar exam is a big boner killer, if this chick/dude isn't at least making de minimus effort to keep you in line for when they are done - yeah, let it go for now.

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Burgstaller04
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby Burgstaller04 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 4:07 pm

I have a friend who told his wife that she was not to talk to him for the next few weeks. I'm sure she and his 3 month-old son appreciated that comment.

NotMyRealName09
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby NotMyRealName09 » Thu Jul 18, 2013 4:17 pm

Burgstaller04 wrote:I have a friend who told his wife that she was not to talk to him for the next few weeks. I'm sure she and his 3 month-old son appreciated that comment.


Shit, before lawschool I told my then-fiancee, close friends, and family this basic line - it's important, I'm going to be busy when I need to be busy, just understand I won't be around and don't give me any shit because I don't need it and won't care. And they understood. It's totally fine to say the same thing prior to the bar exam - and in fact, if someone doesn't already know that you're not available while studying for the bar, they aren't that close to you so whatever.

In fact I proposed to my wife prior to begining law school because I knew it was going to be so involved and that for a time my lifestyle was going to change so dramatically, I wanted her to know I loved her, appreciated her support while I locked down, and it would be over eventually. And it was.

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shepdawg
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby shepdawg » Thu Jul 18, 2013 4:20 pm

People need to stop putting the bar exam on a pedestal. Relax a little.

Here's something that works for me: I think of the fn stupidest lawyer I've ever met (Ed). This guy is a complete retard who can't prepare any type of written analysis. Then I think, "if that dork passed the bar, I can."

I have a newborn baby crying all damn day, and this mental exerciae has helped me worry only a little bit about this exam.

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Agoraphobia
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Re: bar prep and relationships

Postby Agoraphobia » Thu Jul 18, 2013 6:28 pm

NotMyRealName09 wrote:This post is sad.


This post makes me so glad I broke up with my boyfriend in March. He would never, ever, EVER have "gotten" this.




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