swc65 wrote:I wish I knew who you were so I could hug you! It sounds like you are going through a terrible ordeal and I wish you the best.
A couple of suggestions-
1. Take a leave of absence- you might even convince the admin to wipe away this semester's grades (or even more depending upon how generous they are- you would not be the first). Go to Reg Services/the dean/whomever, dangle next year's tuition in their faces if you have to.
2. Share this with people you know here! Fuck dignity. We have all been through this and most of us understand that it is harder for some people than for others. We all checked our dignity at the entrance to the Double Tree last August.
3. If not 1, then quit or take some time off with the grades you have. What will be different next year? And if things are different, will it matter? It sounds like this place is killing your soul (something I can identify with).
4. If you need to chat, PM me. I totally get what you are going through and went through the same thing second semester 1L, and first semester 2L.
Thanks for the support. These messages really do mean a lot, it's really encouraging to remember that other people care.
I feel like I'm still too stubborn to take the leave of absence at this point. It was offered at one point, but as if to encourage me student services mentioned "It's not going to be fatal for future job prospects". At that point I decided (maybe incorrectly) that dragging myself through the semester and getting lousy grades and couldn't be any worse on my transcript than a set of letters indicating my absence. Either way I'm planning on giving the same explanation, but the "stick it out" plan doesn't cost me wasted tuition dollars.
As for #2, I definitely feel more isolated here than I've been in my whole life. It wouldn't feel right to dump a bunch of emotional baggage on people I've cut myself off from.
#3, I'm considering it. It depends on what happens over the next few months. There will be a few changes next semester that might be enough to really turn things around, I'll just have to gauge the situation as the next semester gets closer.