Depresssion, Apathy, & Unemployment from a CLS-2L (Long)

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Borg
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Re: Depresssion, Apathy, & Unemployment from a CLS-2L (Long)

Postby Borg » Mon May 07, 2012 9:38 am

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I think one important thing to keep in mind is that things are probably not as great as they seem for many of your classmates, and you aren't alone. I know at least a few people at my school who have gone for psychological counseling, feel unmotivated, depressed etc. These are just people who felt comfortable telling me about it, so there are probably many more out there.

I think one thing to think about going forward is finding something that you can really care about outside the world of biglaw. It sounds like your interests are primarily corporate, and there are ways to do corporate related stuff without going to a big firm that can eventually lead to some great places (including a big firm if that's what you choose later on). For example, a friend of mine worked at the NY Fed one summer. They said that the attorney they worked under started out as a litigator in public interest in the Bronx. I would imagine an attorney in a high up position at the NY Fed could probably find his way into a big firm too if he so chose. You just need to keep working to get yourself in a place where you can succeed, and then keep pursuing your goals. The track isn't as straightforward as it seems, and the only definite way to fail is to curl up and stop trying.

I know this is probably really tough with depression compounding employment issues, but you have to remember that the only way out is up. You need to take it upon yourself to start climbing, because no one else can do it for you. Find a goal, get motivated, and finish strong. You will get a job that can take you places if you just care enough to rededicate yourself and make it happen.

Throwaway2013
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Re: Depresssion, Apathy, & Unemployment from a CLS-2L (Long)

Postby Throwaway2013 » Mon May 07, 2012 3:21 pm

Borg wrote:I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. I think one important thing to keep in mind is that things are probably not as great as they seem for many of your classmates, and you aren't alone. I know at least a few people at my school who have gone for psychological counseling, feel unmotivated, depressed etc. These are just people who felt comfortable telling me about it, so there are probably many more out there.

I think one thing to think about going forward is finding something that you can really care about outside the world of biglaw. It sounds like your interests are primarily corporate, and there are ways to do corporate related stuff without going to a big firm that can eventually lead to some great places (including a big firm if that's what you choose later on). For example, a friend of mine worked at the NY Fed one summer. They said that the attorney they worked under started out as a litigator in public interest in the Bronx. I would imagine an attorney in a high up position at the NY Fed could probably find his way into a big firm too if he so chose. You just need to keep working to get yourself in a place where you can succeed, and then keep pursuing your goals. The track isn't as straightforward as it seems, and the only definite way to fail is to curl up and stop trying.

I know this is probably really tough with depression compounding employment issues, but you have to remember that the only way out is up. You need to take it upon yourself to start climbing, because no one else can do it for you. Find a goal, get motivated, and finish strong. You will get a job that can take you places if you just care enough to rededicate yourself and make it happen.


I feel like if I rationally approached this, then I would've found something by now. Unfortunately career service's advice for getting anything is "mass mail firms", I know it's ultimately my responsibility to figure out where I want to work and to apply - but I really wish I had better career guidance. During my last appointment the person I spoke with knew I was depressed, knew I was struggling to find motivation to job hunt, knew that I needed some kind of structure in my job search - yet I left the office with nothing more than the same old advice.

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sd5289
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Re: Depresssion, Apathy, & Unemployment from a CLS-2L (Long)

Postby sd5289 » Mon May 07, 2012 9:45 pm

OP, on second thought, I PM'd it to you. :)

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20121109
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Re: Depresssion, Apathy, & Unemployment from a CLS-2L (Long)

Postby 20121109 » Tue May 08, 2012 1:46 am

Changing your mental outlook is incredibly difficult to do. My entire life was so mired in solipsism, that my subjective thoughts took on a whole new kind of reality. It didn't matter how many great things were objectively going on in my life, all I could focus on was the bad, which at the end of the day, really was not that much. It wasn't that I was ungrateful for the good things I did have, it was more like I did not know how to retain the happiness or fulfillment I had when I first achieved them. Like, as soon as I attained what I wanted, all of a sudden it didn't seem as special anymore, because I had it. I think that reflected a weird self-esteem issue more so than anything; like once it was in my possession and I truly earned it, it lost value because it belonged to me.

I don't know how I got better. And my convalescence was only recent. But I think its important to just try and let go of all those things that are hurting you. For instance, some relationships reminded me of tumultuous times in my childhood, and knowing that was a trigger for me, I decided to leave all those people well enough alone. Since then, it's been hard adapting to my new lifestyle but am I healthier because I actively cut out those negative impetuses in my life? Without a doubt. And each day that goes by, my solipsism recedes and I find myself a much happier person.

OP, you asked me this in PM but I thought I'd post it here for all to see. First, figure out what your triggers are. What all of a sudden changes your mood and makes you not want to get out of bed? If it's school, then you should take a leave absence. If it's family, then try not to communicate with your family unless you really need to. If you feel isolated, then tell any of your closest friends. I live alone and suffered from extreme isolation these past two years, it was only recently that I finally told my family and friends what was really going on with me. Once I did that, I felt a sense of relief; knowing that I didn't have to carry my past burdens all alone. Your family and friends will surprise you. Even if you think they won't understand, it doesn't necessarily matter; they will care, and at the end of the day, that is all that matters to stop any suicidal ideations and help you move on in life.

It's going to take a long while, but I recommend you consider medication. You don't need a hefty dose...just a little bit to help you feel more in control of your thoughts and emotions. I wish I could be of more help, but I think meds have been discussed ad nauseam ITT. I can only wish you best.

Finally, I would just like to say that seeing everyone on TLS coming together and supporting OP is exactly why I love TLS. These forums can be undoubtedly shitty at times, but a thread like this shows that we really can have nice things! :)

Also:

Nightrunner wrote:tl;dr - fuck yeah, Mallard is posting again.




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