inviting 1L professors to wedding?

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goosey
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inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Fri Mar 04, 2011 1:27 am

all of them or only those I feel like I developed a relationship with?

secondly, how would you address the invitations? Profesor and Mrs. Professors last name seems presumptuous since his wife may be using her maiden name

also, for profs I have this semester, would it be better to wait until after grades are in to give invitations, lest I look like I am kissing up? I know exams are graded anonymously but they have the discretion to bump up or down one letter grade [wedding is end of june, and grades may not be in until early june]

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fatduck
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby fatduck » Fri Mar 04, 2011 2:18 am

this is a sticky situation, because inviting them all seems a little weird, but inviting only a few seems destined to offend. i would say it depends a lot on the size of the wedding. it would be pretty awkward if it were like families/close friends/a bunch of random professors, right?

for addressing, you would need to find out what last name the professor's spouse goes by.

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Grizz
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby Grizz » Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:12 am

wut

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goosey
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:21 am

fatduck wrote:this is a sticky situation, because inviting them all seems a little weird, but inviting only a few seems destined to offend. i would say it depends a lot on the size of the wedding. it would be pretty awkward if it were like families/close friends/a bunch of random professors, right?

for addressing, you would need to find out what last name the professor's spouse goes by.


Its a pretty big wedding (above 200 people). And I'm not sure about the etiquette of doing this--like do I email them and ask what name their spouse goes by? I was already a little weirded out about emailing them to ask for mailing addresses...the only way to do that and look normal is to qualify that its for wedding invitations. I was considering just hand delivering to them while they have office hrs and saying "Professor X with family"

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Eugenie Danglars
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby Eugenie Danglars » Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:37 am

Not sure how fancy you're being, but in general "and Family" on invitation implies the kids.

sarahd
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby sarahd » Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:38 am

Honestly - I think the appropriate thing here is to NOT invite your professors to your wedding. Formal invites, even in the business/corp world, are extended to those with whom you have close relationships (business or personal). In this case, the relationship is not likely close, and even if they are close, these are professors, not colleagues, business contacts, or supervisors. If you do invite, I suspect they would consider it a courtesy invite at best and would not come, at worst it would be viewed as sucking up but since grading is anonymous, not likely to be an issue in the end.

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fatduck
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby fatduck » Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:47 am

yea on second thought just don't invite your professors

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orm518
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby orm518 » Fri Mar 04, 2011 10:10 am

fatduck wrote:yea on second thought just don't invite your professors


+1

Got married back in October, I can only speak to the working world (0L here), but I don't think professors would be terribly different. I invited only my direct work supervisor, whom I am close with, and 2 close work friends, even though I work daily with 15-20 people. No one was offended.

I'd fear the professors would get the invite, think it's in poor taste, but feel obligated to go for fear of making the worse social decision and saying no and seemingly offend you. Or, like someone else said above, they could see it as a courtesy and not go anyways.

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goosey
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Fri Mar 04, 2011 10:27 am

orm518 wrote:
fatduck wrote:yea on second thought just don't invite your professors


+1

Got married back in October, I can only speak to the working world (0L here), but I don't think professors would be terribly different. I invited only my direct work supervisor, whom I am close with, and 2 close work friends, even though I work daily with 15-20 people. No one was offended.

I'd fear the professors would get the invite, think it's in poor taste, but feel obligated to go for fear of making the worse social decision and saying no and seemingly offend you. Or, like someone else said above, they could see it as a courtesy and not go anyways.


Not question you, but I am from a dif cultural background and am genuinely confused: why would a wedding invitations be considered poor taste?

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buckilaw
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby buckilaw » Fri Mar 04, 2011 10:34 am

Tag.

dougroberts
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby dougroberts » Fri Mar 04, 2011 10:41 am

sarahd wrote:Honestly - I think the appropriate thing here is to NOT invite your professors to your wedding. Formal invites, even in the business/corp world, are extended to those with whom you have close relationships (business or personal). In this case, the relationship is not likely close, and even if they are close, these are professors, not colleagues, business contacts, or supervisors. If you do invite, I suspect they would consider it a courtesy invite at best and would not come, at worst it would be viewed as sucking up but since grading is anonymous, not likely to be an issue in the end.


+1
And you've only known these professors less than one year, so I think it would be weird to invite them (from their perspective) or worse, look like sucking up.

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Malcolm8X
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby Malcolm8X » Fri Mar 04, 2011 10:53 am

fatduck wrote:yea on second thought just don't invite your professors


+1. Just don't invite them. Potential conflict of interest and professors, especially law school professors, always look to avoid this. This is just awkward. The sharing of a wedding ceremony is typically for CLOSE family and friends, and you'll imply that they're one of the two. Now you're bringing problematic questions to them. Do I buy gifts for the couple? Will other students see it as an inappropriate attempt to get buddy buddy with a professor? Why is he inviting me in the first place? Too much awkwardness.

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nygrrrl
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby nygrrrl » Fri Mar 04, 2011 11:28 am

Goose - I hear you... but I'm with the others on this one. If it's a specific prof with whom you've developed a relationship then it's totally appropriate. Otherwise? Just don't invite them. I promise you they will NOT feel slighted in any way.

missinglink
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby missinglink » Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:39 pm

rad law wrote:wut

Yea.

Unless you have a *very* close relationship with any of them, I wouldn't really invite any professors.

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drdolittle
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby drdolittle » Fri Mar 04, 2011 5:47 pm

sarahd wrote:Honestly - I think the appropriate thing here is to NOT invite your professors to your wedding. Formal invites, even in the business/corp world, are extended to those with whom you have close relationships (business or personal). In this case, the relationship is not likely close, and even if they are close, these are professors, not colleagues, business contacts, or supervisors. If you do invite, I suspect they would consider it a courtesy invite at best and would not come, at worst it would be viewed as sucking up but since grading is anonymous, not likely to be an issue in the end.

Right on. I didn't think OP was serious, because the idea seemed so preposterous. There's no way on earth OP could have built relationships with profs in a little more than a semester of LS to warrant invites. Also, LS profs would likely (and probably should) view a wedding invite under these circumstances as mere shameless ass kissing, even if it's genuine.

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Gefuehlsecht
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby Gefuehlsecht » Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:03 pm

Ask yourself this question: Why would your professors want to come to your wedding?
If you don't have a very good answer to this question then don't invite them.

If you have a special relationship with one of them then, by all means, invite them.
Do note that a special relationship is not defined as a couple visits to their office during office hours.

Also, don't end your final exams with cutesy drawings and "I loved learning from you!" sillyness.

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rupert.pupkin
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby rupert.pupkin » Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:09 pm

Gefuehlsecht wrote:If you have a special relationship with one of them then, by all means, invite them.


In some jurisdictions teacher-student is a special relationship at common law.

amorfati
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby amorfati » Fri Mar 04, 2011 8:19 pm

In response to your question regarding how to refer to the spouse, I think "So-And-So and Guest" (so "Professor X and Guest") is pretty standard, no? Or is that just for significant others?

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Eugenie Danglars
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby Eugenie Danglars » Sat Mar 05, 2011 4:34 am

amorfati wrote:In response to your question regarding how to refer to the spouse, I think "So-And-So and Guest" (so "Professor X and Guest") is pretty standard, no? Or is that just for significant others?


and Guest is what you put when you're inviting someone who doesn't know who'll they'll bring yet.

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JG Hall
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby JG Hall » Sat Mar 05, 2011 6:41 am

amorfati wrote:In response to your question regarding how to refer to the spouse, I think "So-And-So and Guest" (so "Professor X and Guest") is pretty standard, no? Or is that just for significant others?

Invitations are always addressed to both members of a married couple, while a invitation to an unmarried couple residing at the same address should be addressed with each name on a separate line. No abbreviations or initials are used when addressing formal invitations.

Also, I can't tell if this looks like awkward brown-nosing or a present-grab.

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goosey
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby goosey » Sat Mar 05, 2011 12:11 pm

Wow I had no idea people would view this so badly. I'm just a sentimental person and am like "you people were a major chunk of my past year and I'd like to invite you"--and also just to extend good will. I'd like to have relationships with them afterwards ..and I was invited to a brunch at one of professor's homes (the whole class was), went out to lunch with another, etc..so I felt like it wouldn't be so weird. Plus its not a "close fam and friends" affair--its like a massive wedding w everyone and their mother. But there's no way for them to know tht until they're actually there I guess.

Half of these professors are from last semester so I am not worried about *them* thinking I'm kissing up, because I'm done w that class already. But I guess if it will seem awkward I should skip it.

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Columbia Law
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby Columbia Law » Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:07 pm

hahahahaha

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edcrane
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby edcrane » Sat Mar 05, 2011 1:09 pm

There's no brightline rule here, but I'd say that if you were called on at least three times during the semester and went to office hours at least twice, it is appropriate to invite a given professor.

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A'nold
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby A'nold » Sat Mar 05, 2011 2:46 pm

edcrane wrote:There's no brightline rule here, but I'd say that if you were called on at least three times during the semester and went to office hours at least twice, it is appropriate to invite a given professor.

Haha.

I am completely with the "don't do it" side of the crowd here, btw.

formerbiglawpartner
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Re: inviting 1L professors to wedding?

Postby formerbiglawpartner » Sat Mar 05, 2011 2:49 pm

Please tell me you are joking.




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