LS w/Long Distance Relationship?

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mhd08
Posts: 318
Joined: Thu Sep 10, 2009 12:42 am

Re: LS w/Long Distance Relationship?

Postby mhd08 » Tue May 17, 2011 8:43 am

A lot of people in this thread keep saying that LDRs generally only work if the couple is married, engaged, or have been together a long time. I beg to differ. l had only been with my SO for 7 months when I started law school and, after finishing my first year, we are still together and very happy. It probably helps that we're only a 6 hour drive apart and see each other at least once a month. I have two friends in law school who managed to make their LDRs work and they also had also only been with their SOs for less than a year. Granted, one of those couples probably shouldn't be together but that's another story...

I really believe that if you have the right expectations and can see the positive then you can make it work. I actually prefer the distance at times because of my workload. My brief was due the week after spring break and it was much more difficult getting work done at home than it was at school because I wanted to spend time with my SO and I felt bad when I didn't since I barely get to see him as it is. Anyway, I'm sure that if your relationship is solid and you have the right expectations, you can make it work. Honestly, there are some days where it is really hard, but for the most part it's actually not the horror story I heard it would be. I think it also helps that he's looking for a job in my city and he's planning on moving here in the next couple of months. I don't know how I'd feel if I didn't see some kind of light at the end of the tunnel.

srilina
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:13 pm

Re: LS w/Long Distance Relationship?

Postby srilina » Wed May 18, 2011 5:42 am

Thanks for the great advice/perspectives! Definitely quite useful. I'm curious if those of you in an LDR came to mutually or had to do some convincing (or be convinced, for that matter). My SO is strongly against an LDR which is definitely coloring my decision-making process, but at least he's being honest about it?

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ilovesf
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Re: LS w/Long Distance Relationship?

Postby ilovesf » Wed May 18, 2011 5:57 am

Nice thread. I've been in a 3 year LDR from the US to Europe. It's definitely tough and has its ups and downs. A lot of the time I'm thinking wtf am I doing this is awful!, and the other part of the time I'm thinking about how much more freedom I have because of it. The most important piece of advice I could give about LDRs is if you are really busy and don't have time to talk to your SO, you should try to encourage your SO to be equally active. I'm much more outgoing and active than my boyfriend, (ie. I go out to dinner with friends a lot, go to lots of parties, try not to spend much time at home), and he is more of a homebody. This means that he is at home doing nothing a lot of the time, waiting for me to sign on skype or something. Making sure both people are equally occupied and have things going on outside of each other is maybe the most important thing.. it is sure a problem for us. I am actually having the opposite problem as OP though; my boyfriend wants to move from Europe to live in the US with me once law school starts in the fall. I'm worried that having him live in the US for the first time will really distract me from school and that the dynamic of our relationship will change.

srilina
Posts: 25
Joined: Mon Apr 11, 2011 10:13 pm

Re: LS w/Long Distance Relationship?

Postby srilina » Wed May 18, 2011 8:59 am

ilovesf wrote:I am actually having the opposite problem as OP though; my boyfriend wants to move from Europe to live in the US with me once law school starts in the fall. I'm worried that having him live in the US for the first time will really distract me from school and that the dynamic of our relationship will change.


I know I've asked some questions here already, but I think I can offer some advice on this particular problem. My SO and I met studying abroad and then were long-distance for a year before moving to (and living together in) China. It was definitely a challenging experience because of culture shock (which your SO might? experience), living with someone after I had my own place for two years, and being with him "full time" after the distance. You get over it though; it took us about two months I think to finally get into a more comfortable "groove" so to speak.

You might want to consider each having your own place in the beginning. If that is not an option, make sure to get alone-time when you need it (libraries!). I suggest you talk about the rough patch you might go through before he moves. My SO and I didn't discuss this possibility and that wound up making it more difficult since I couldn't figure out why I was so grumpy and irritable.

Does he already have a job lined up? If not, try and brainstorm ways for him to get involved in something time consuming. Also, is it possible for him to move to the US before you start school? Or partway through the year? That way you can get more used to law school before adding a new factor.

The dynamic of your relationship WILL change, but it will be for the better. You might need to give it some time, but any "I can't stand him!!!" feelings should pass (if you even have those at all!). :)

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zanda
Posts: 526
Joined: Fri Apr 24, 2009 9:36 am

Re: LS w/Long Distance Relationship?

Postby zanda » Wed May 18, 2011 8:22 pm

Long distance during law school is a good way to see if you should really be together. My relationship, like many others, failed that test.




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